The Placebo Effect
by Asher Monroe
Summary: -Updated Chp Sixteen- Pretending to be someone else is the only way some people know how to survive. Rachel has been wearing a mask for so long that even she isn't sure what's underneath anymore. And Ripley? She's just trying to get by. Rachel/OFC
1. Will You Stay, Stay 'til the Darkness

**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters. They belong to One Tree Hill/The CW. All song lyrics and titles belong to their respective owners, and the band name mentioned in this chapter belongs to Emma of Twitter.

**Summary: **Pretending to be someone else is the only way some people know how to survive. Rachel has been wearing a mask for so long that even she isn't sure what's underneath anymore. And Ripley? She's just trying to get by.

**A/N: **This fic takes place in Season Four and will feature femmeslash; two females in a romantic relationship. (Rachel Gattina/OFC) Rating may rise in later chapters due to sexual content. Also some subject matter in later chapters may upset some people. I don't want to give anything away however I have been told the hints I drop are enough for people to pick up on what's up. If anyone is worried and wants to be spoiled, just PM me and I'll tell you. :) This is my first One Tree Hill fic that a friend cheered me on to write so I hope that you enjoy it!

Chapter One: Will You Stay, Stay 'til the Darkness Leaves

Ripley Sinclair was a student at Tree Hill High and yes it was as totally unglamorous as it sounded. Well unglamorous for her because she wasn't one of the popular people and she's not a total loser, so like others in the middle she just _was_. Heard the gossip about those that walked in the sunlight and saw the ones that no one else bothered to see; sometimes she _was _the latter. But she didn't care because she'd always been someone who thought about the bigger picture. She knew that one day high school would end and what you did in the hallowed halls of THH wouldn't matter at all. So she floated and she acted however she wanted to act. People were going to talk either way.

Not that she was immune to hearing the gossip because she wasn't. No one was. Even the teachers heard _some_things. Teenagers tended to have big mouths and they wanted their exploits to be known. Also it was a small town so…

For example she knew all about Nathan and Haley James getting married and almost getting a divorce because of Haley's music tour and kissing some other guy. She knew about the love triangle between Lucas Scott, Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis in which Lucas was with Brooke but sorta cheated with Peyton. Apparently according to sources history was repeating itself and that is why Brooke and Peyton weren't friends anymore.

Everyone knew about the shooting—done by Jimmy Edwards—she'd been in the art room at the time and had jimmied open a window to escape out into the quad. That day was insane all over. You heard about school shootings on the news but you never expected it to _actually_ happen where you were. And yeah he didn't release a barrage of bullets into the hallway but he still killed someone. Lucas' Uncle Keith who everyone managed to love in one way or another, he was just _that_ awesome.

It was just interesting how so much crap could happen in such a little town. And the funny part was that _nothing_ used to happen to this select group of people until Lucas Scott got onto the Raven's basketball team. Until he was forced to be in close quarters with his brother, and watch his best friend hook up with said brother.

Right now though Ripley's hands were covered in paint and smudged with charcoal from her latest work of art. Painting was just one of her many hobbies but she didn't like to brag. In fact the only people besides college recruiters and close friends that knew what she was into were her parents. And well her little sister and older brother but they didn't care.

Some would probably call her an overachiever but that wasn't the case at all. She was just—she liked to try a lot of different things and her parents indulged her in most of them. Ballet when she was three and then violin lessons and piano lessons; then her father taught her how to play the guitar and her mother helped her turn play dough villages into real works of art. But she couldn't do _everything_. She was terrible at gardening and didn't get the point of running for fun.

Pushing open the door to the girls' room, she scraped a nail over the bright yellow on her fingers and moved to the sink, turning on the hot water and grabbing up the soap. She was humming to herself and watching colored flakes swirl down the drain when she first heard the tell tale signs of sniffling. Someone was crying on the toilet.

Biting her bottom lip, she kept washing and glanced back to the doors. It seemed stupid to just ignore when someone could need help. Bending down just a tad, she saw expensive tennis shoes. "Um, are you okay in there?"

The sniffling abruptly stopped and about two minutes later the door opened to reveal a cutely dressed redheaded Rachel Gattina. Everyone _knew _Rachel because she'd made quite a name for herself in her few months at their high school. Mostly as a boyfriend stealing, conniving slutty cheerleader that didn't give a damn about anyone and had no qualms about using others to get what she wanted.

Ripley had never talked to her though, never even really been in the same space unless you counted their shared classes together and no one ever did. "Are you okay?"

Rachel wiped her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well…usually when someone cries in a bathroom stall they aren't okay. Unless they're happy tears but people don't usually hide happy tears." She shrugged and continued washing her hands. "Unless they cry ugly of course."

"What?" Shaking her head, Rachel fluffed at her hair. "For your information I'm fine. I don't know what you think you heard but you're wrong. I wasn't crying and I'm _fine_."

"Alright you're fine." Ripley yawned, letting the matter drop.

The redhead stared at her like she was a peculiar puzzle she was trying to figure out. "Where's your accent from?"

Ripley smiled; it's something she got asked often. "Australia. My dad was stationed there in the formative years of my life and I sorta developed one. You should have heard my sister though—for the first three years she only spoke Japanese cause we were in Japan then. But yeah, I never kicked it for whatever reason, even when we moved. A lot of people think I'm faking it."

Rachel nodded. "I could see that. It's a small town and I'm sure a lot of people have _faked _it to seem cooler. Everyone needs an angle."

Ripley tilted her head to the side. "What's yours?"

The other girl dug in her pocket and pulled out a tube of lip gloss. "I don't need an angle. I'm fabulous all on my own."

The blonde watched her as she dragged a bar of badly used soap over her skin. "But that is your angle, isn't it? Being the fabulous one with the expensive clothes and flashy jewelry. Or the bad girl?"

"Bad girl? Obviously my exploits are becoming legendary. Cool."

"I suppose. Still doesn't explain why you were alone, crying on the toilet."

"I wasn't crying!" Arching a brow, she turned to look at the blonde. "And even if I was why would I tell some nobody like _you_?"

Ripley smiled and yanked down a paper towel. "O…kay then. Consider me sorry for getting involved."

Rachel huffed and stormed out of the bathroom without another word, slamming the door behind her with a flourish, off to her important life of popularity. Ripley followed a second later as the bell rung, adjusting the strap of her gray shoulder bag. Anyone else would probably be bothered by Rachel's harsh words but she'd learned a few things since entering high school. Everyone hid behind a mask because they thought if you saw who they really were, you'd reject them. And yeah, some people would totally be rejected but it's the fear that made _everyone_ do it.

Once upon a time she'd had that fear too but not anymore. It was stupid to put so much stock into the opinions of people you'll probably never see again after graduation. It was stupid to let them define you. So after a few months of trying so hard to be what she thought others wanted, she decided to be herself. And now she was much happier for it.

She took her time meandering through the crowd of people until she was outside and heading to her usual round table in the courtyard where her friends were already gathering.

There was her best friend Glenda Farrell who considered herself a Goth this time around complete with black lipstick and wardrobe. But in all honestly she was just doing anything she could to try to get her mom's attention. Sucked because her mom was a total bitch and couldn't care one way or the other what she did.

Next were Eric Pierce and his brother Jeremy, both were pretty regular as far as high school boys went. Interested in sex and fast cars and sex and music, and did she mention sex? They're fraternal twins, they liked different things but at times they shared one brain.

And bringing up the rear was Toby Charles who was nice to everyone and just hoped they were nice to him in return. Oh and he _dreamed _of being on the Raven's basketball team and had for like, ever. He thought it would solve all of his issues.

"You're late." Glenda remarked. "Where were you?"

Ripley flopped down onto a bench. "I had paint all over my hands and I had to get it off. Oh and I was being insulted by Rachel Gattina."

Jeremy jerked his head up, swallowing the bit of food in his mouth. "Damn but that girl is fine. I'd give my left testicle to fuck her. Did she smell like roses?"

His brother grinned broadly. "I bet she smells like cinnamon. Did she smell like cinnamon?"

Glenda snorted. "More like she smelled like penicillin to treat all the STDS she has."

Ripley chuckled. "Well actually she smelled like perfume and I don't know if cutting off a testicle would get you in her pants. She strikes me as the type that has a _certain type_. I mean she did go after Lucas and Nathan."

The other female nodded. "Whore. Why did she insult you?"

Ripley considered telling her friends the truth but figured they didn't need to know. "She didn't like my shoes."

"God she is such a bitch. I can't stand that whole crowd she hangs out with, except Brooke. She's okay." Glenda mused. "But Rachel is the worst. She walks around like she's _so _important."

Eric ran a hand through his brown spiky hair. "C'mon believe it or not, you'd do her, wouldn't you?

Ripley smirked at the nickname she's had since junior high. "She is visually pleasing but I don't know about that. She's more about fun times."

Jeremy dipped his French fry into ketchup. "Duh, that's the whole point. Fun naked times in the back of my van."

Glenda laughed and tucked a strand of dark auburn hair behind her ear. "Your Chester Molester van?"

He pointed a finger at her. "Hey it's called the _Shag Wagon_! And I don't hear you complaining about it when it's giving you free rides to school."

She grinned. "I'm just messing with you. Besides I get what you are saying. Girls like Rachel are good for having fun but not for anything else. That's why she doesn't have a boyfriend."

Toby pushed at his food with a fork. "I don't think she wants a boyfriend. I think she likes being how she is."

Ripley disagreed with him but kept it to herself. "Are we still on for practice tomorrow?"

Stealing a few of the fries form Glenda's try, Eric shoved them into his mouth before she could react. "Yup. Dude, you _need_ to talk to Sawyer about getting us an actual gig at Tric. I'm tired of playing in my garage. I want people to know how awesome we are."

"Why me?"

"Cause you're…approachable and stuff. I'd be too busy staring at her boobs."

"Fine I'll see what I can do."

"Sweet!"

As her friends fell into an easy conversation about their next classes, Ripley slouched and opened her brown paper bag lunch. She pulled out a thick sandwich on a sesame seed bun and checked to make sure it had no lettuce before taking a big bite. She, along with Eric, Jeremy and Toby were in a band of their own making called _The Blonde Theory _and had been since they were fourteen years old. At first it was just a way to pretend to be cool rock stars but they were actually pretty good. Ripley wrote most of their songs and she also sung; Eric said the appeal of a female singer in a band of boys would bring them more success. She didn't want to be a famous musician however but she went along with their plans because they were her friends and she cared about them.

Licking mayo from the corner of her mouth, she cut her eyes across the quad to where Rachel settled at a table with Brooke Davis. She didn't know why but she liked Brooke—most people did though. The brunette was bubbly and funny, and something about her puppy dog brown eyes made her seem vulnerable in a way that some people gravitated towards. And you got a feeling that as class president she wanted to help people. It was weird how that didn't clash with her party girl/cheerleader persona.

Twisting the top off her juice, she took a few sips and turned her attention to Rachel. She was laughing and waving her hands expressively, beckoning over the other cheerleaders when they were in view. To an outsider looking in she seemed…perfect. Flawless like smooth marble and probably just as cold. She worked hard at not emoting for whatever reason; maybe it was easier. Ripley could understand that. In high school if you showed any kind of weakness the jackals would eat you alive.

So you cried in the privacy of a bathroom stall and just hoped no one came in to find you.

Ripley couldn't help but wonder _why_ she'd been crying. Why did someone who appeared to have the world feel the need to lock themselves away with cool tears? Sure sometimes she had bad days—especially during that time of the month—but she never cried at school. She didn't cry too much anyway unless it was over a movie or whatever. She tended to be a sentimental sap that way.

But it stood to reason that Rachel was most likely hiding behind her reputation for reasons she would never know. Not that it was a crime, everyone did it. Glenda hid behind her Goth exterior and her hatred of all things conforming. Toby hid behind his shyness and the twins hid behind their _every man_ guise. Hell she wasn't above it either with her devil may care attitude.

In the end everyone was pretending to be someone else. It was the only way you could survive high school these days. The only way you could survive period.

* * *

><p>The end of the day came with a slam of lockers and whoops of freedom that Ripley echoed silently to herself. She hated school. She hated getting up early and she hated not having those hours to herself to do whatever she wanted. And yeah she was Salutatorian but that was basically genetics on her part doing their job. Both of her parents were intelligent and classes came easy to her. Yet she still wasn't sure she was going to college. More school just didn't come off as fun no matter what her SAT scores were.<p>

Waving goodbye to her friends as Eric pulled out of the parking lot in his big white van; she strolled over to her red Ducati motorcycle and climbed on. It had been a gift for her sixteenth birthday and she absolutely loved it. She loved to go fast and feel the wind in her hair on the back roads when she'd take off her helmet and just _drive_. She hated helmets. And yeah she knew they were required by law and might save her life but still she didn't have to like them.

With that in mind however she yanked hers out of her bag and slipped it on, starting up the engine with a kick and revving before taking off. She rolled past the yellow school buses that hadn't shipped out yet and the idle vehicles of those staying behind for activities and out onto the open road, her thighs squeezing around the back as she took a right turn towards the road leading to her house. She was singing loudly into the wind and about a mile from the high school when a large stalled Denali with the hood up caught her eye. She slowed but passed, looking back to see the body of a female peering at the engine and looking confused. Snorting, she pulled over to the side and into the grass, cutting her engine before crawling off.

She placed her helmet on top of her bag and made the short trek back to the stranded person, her long crimpy blonde hair tickling the sides of her neck. "Problems?"

Looking up, Rachel sighed with a slight frown. "What? You stalking me now?"

Ripley pointed to her bike. "If you want I can always get lost and leave you here. _Maybe_ someone will help…" _Though I doubt it…_

Rachel folded her arms over her chest. "Fine. Do you know anything about cars? It was running fine this morning and then it just…died."

The blonde strolled up to the beast of a machine and peered under the hood, leaning far to jiggle a few things. The sounds of water caught her ear and she peeped down. "Your radiator is busted. That's where all of this water is coming from."

"I don't really know what that means but it sounds bad." Rachel bit her bottom lip. "Great. How am I gonna get around now?"

"It'll cost you about two hundred to get fixed." Ripley explained. "Your insurance company should give you a rental car."

"Fuck. I'll have to call my parents and get all of that information. Unless they don't call me back and then I'm screwed."

"Just get one of your friends to give you a ride."

Rachel eyed her rather suspiciously before jerking when a surprise clap of thunder sounded. Storms could pop up in North Carolina on a clear day and no one really questioned it. At least they had actual weather unlike in Los Angeles or whatever.

Smirking, Ripley scratched at her wrist. "Do you want a ride home before it rains?"

Rachel weighed her options then relented. "Yeah. Thanks." She fetched her bag out of the backseat and followed the blonde to her bike.

Ripley gave her the helmet since she was the passenger and she was more used to riding without one. She climbed on and watched as Rachel did the same behind her, her arms hesitatingly wrapping around the blonde's small waist. When they were both settled, Ripley started up and took off.

The ride wasn't that long but by the time they were on Rachel's street, the blue sky was dark and the wind had picked up, sending leaves and small branches bolting from the trees.

She'd never been to Rachel's house but she knew that she lived in a white Cape Cod style two story home with a wide yard and a lake off to the south right. The driveway was paved and on either of the two sides were trimmed hedges and a manicured lawn. Previously owned by an old money family, the Gattinas had it remodeled after moving in.

Ripley parked before the front door and admired the wraparound porch. A streak of purplish lightning darted across the sky and she counted the seconds between the next thunder clap, wondering if she could make it home before the rain started. Not that she would mind getting wet, it was the maybe being struck that scared her.

Rachel dismounted with her long legs and dug her heels into the dirt, her eyes trained on the weather. "Thanks for the lift."

"You're welcome." The blonde replied resting to the 'hump' of her motorcycle.

"Um, it looks like it's gonna be a really hard downpour or whatever," Rachel begun as small drops started to fall. "You—you can wait it out inside if you want. I don't mind."

A boom shook the trees and the redhead visibly jumped before trying to school her features. Ripley cottoned on immediately however and sighed, deciding that another good deed for the day wouldn't hurt anything. She kicked her bike into drive and rolled it up onto the porch so that the seat wouldn't get wet, then followed Rachel into her impressive house.

It was lovely but then she'd figured it would be. A black grand piano was nestled off to the side and it caught her eye the most after she looked at the expensive furniture and vases. She dropped her bag to the floor and migrated over to it, dragging her fingers over the ivory keys. Her piano at home was wooden with chinks from enthusiastic yet ill advised indoor baseball games and angry tangents from her sister. But it worked.

Still _this_ was a thing of beauty and before she could stop herself, she was sitting on the cushioned bench and playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

"Is that all you know?" Rachel asked with an amused tone. "Like I should talk though. I don't play at all—it's just there for decoration."

"I've had lessons." Ripley said. She cracked her knuckles and slowly began to play the opening bars of the song _Pieces_ by Red. Without the violin it sounded more somber and yet still beautiful. "I download the sheet music to a lot of songs just to see if I can do them."

Rachel leaned over the top and watched her fingers. "You like to play?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. Instruments are kinda my thing." She played the same few bars over and over before switching entirely to something decidedly romantic. The melodies rose and fell steadily like a temperate heartbeat, staying on the light side with the deeper keys coming in like a low swell onto the beach.

In her mind she saw a couple dancing, around and around, faster and faster with the harmonies until drew them closer and they knew everything was going to be alright. And at the crest of the song—a kiss—one they'd been wanting forever.

Blinking, she pulled her hands back and looked contrite. "Sorry."

"I liked it. What's it called?" Rachel inquired.

"It's a lullaby. I never named it." Clearing her throat, she chastised herself and stood. "Sorry. I'm like a little kid in a candy store when it comes to pianos, guitars and violins."

Rachel chuckled and sashayed into her grand kitchen with its granite counters and stainless steel appliances. "You play all those? What? Did your parents make you when you were little or something?"

Ripley perched on a bar stool and shook her head. "No I asked to learn. I'm kinda spastic like that in that I like trying new things. I also did ballet and karate."

"Sounds exhausting." The redhead took a bottle of water from the fridge and twisted off the cap. "My parents probably would have paid me _not_to do any of that stuff. No time to take me to the rehearsals or whatever. It's fine though. I'd much rather spend that cash on clothes and stuff to keep people being super jealous of me."

Ripley smiled. "Where are your parents?"

"Europe." She opened a cabinet and looked inside, nearly dropping her water when a particularly loud blast of thunder shook the windows and the lights blinked out. "Fuck."

By now it was pouring outside; that dense foggy rain that smelled like pine. "Not a fan of thunderstorms, huh?" That much was quite obvious.

"No." She said honestly. "C'mon I've got some candles up in my room."

As Ripley followed her up the staircase, she took out her cell phone and called her mother. She related that she was riding out the weather at a _friend's_ house and she'd be home eventually, hanging up with an _I love you_ to her mom.

Rachel's room had two beds with silk purple sheets and an end table at each side. The bathroom was to the left and there was a large walk in closet as well as a mini fridge. "I thought Brooke would be home but I guess she had class president stuff to do." She reached onto a shelf and pulled down white votive candles which she lit on her vanity. It wasn't dark but without lights or the sun they were needed.

"I don't mind hanging out." Ripley sat down slowly on one of the beds. "You know I thought for sure this house had a window seat. It looks like it should."

Rachel snorted playfully. "Why?"

Ripley plucked at her bracelet. "I don't know. I'm partial to a good window seat. I had to fight my sister for my room because it has one."

The redhead laughed and threw herself onto the other bed when she was done with the candles. "How old is your sister?"

"Fifteen. Her name is Meadow."

"_Meadow_? Are your mom and dad hippies or something?"

"My dad is an ex marine so, no. But my mom is kinda flower childish I suppose you could say. Likes herbs and all that. She and my dad like, compromised on our names."

"How so?"

"Well we each have one _regular _name that he picked and one…that she picked. So my sister is Meadow Amelia and my brother is Sky Andrew."

"And you're…_shit_ I never asked your name. I'm sorry…"

"Heh Ripley. Ripley Rainbow Sinclair."

"Hm well I kinda like them. Could be worse I guess. You could be like Moonbeam or Sunshine or something equally embarrassing."

That was very true. "Yeah. Or Anne; I hate that name. It's too plain." Spying a few white pieces of paper on the table, she picked them up along with the pencil they're on top of and started sketching.

Rachel grinned, resting her chin to her hand. "So, you got a boyfriend?"

"Nope." The thought made her smile. "You?" She knew the answer but she felt it polite to ask anyway.

"I have lots of boyfriends." Rachel smirked but it slowly slid from her face. "I—there was this guy I was seeing but he—he left." Pause. "I guess you heard about the limo shit?"

Ripley looked upon her with big blue eyes. "I did."

Rachel wet her lips. "Boys are so stupid. You crash a limousine, almost drown them and suddenly they don't want anything to do with you."

She was going for jokey but Ripley could tell the situation had messed her up. Still she favored her with a small grin. "You lead an exciting life."

Rachel appeared please by the assessment. "Sometimes a little _too _exciting. I do regret the accident. And I really regret falling for Cooper." Exhaling, she changed the subject. "Are those tattoos?"

Smoothing a hand across the ink of the left side of her neck, Ripley nodded. "Yep." She pushed her hair out of the way to show them off. A pattern of tiny black stars spanned her peach flesh in no distinguishing order.

"Got anymore?"

Ripley motioned to her back and turned, lifting up her shirt to show off the dark vine with its tiny rosebuds up the length of her spine. There were several breaks so that it looked as if it were woven in and out of her flesh.

"Not surprised those aren't exactly…regular. Like a butterfly or whatever."

"Eh those are boring. And there was no way I was getting a tramp stamp. My body is my canvas and all that."

For about thirty minutes they talked about nothing of substance and Ripley continued to draw by candlelight when Rachel started showing off some of her expensive outfits. It was nearly six when the lights came back on and the storm finally died away, heading to other parts of the state. Rachel hopped off the bed and alerted that she was going to order them a pizza, and Ripley requested no pepperoni.

The storm was over though and she could go home but a few slices of pizza wouldn't hurt anything. She got the feeling Rachel was lonely and that sucked, though changing her attitude would probably help her make more friends. But it wasn't her place to judge. Instead she signed her name to the picture of the busty super heroine she'd drawn and put it on Rachel's nightstand for later before joining her downstairs.

* * *

><p>Brooke was home and on the phone bitching to Haley about Lucas and Peyton by the time Ripley left. Rachel stood in the doorway and waved, watching as she sped off into the night on her red motorcycle. She snickered under her breath and trudged upstairs with a peace sign to her roommate, snuggling up onto her bed with her little teddy bear. She'd meant to apologize to the blonde for being snappy earlier but it had vanished from her mind once the storm started. She'd never been a fan of thunder or rolling ominous clouds. Yet now she felt guilty for being a bitch to someone who'd helped her.<p>

Not to mention not knowing her name had been brutal.

But at least now she could say she knew it and wouldn't forget it anytime soon. Who forgot a name like _Ripley Rainbow_?

Ripley was weird but kinda cool in a _weird_ way. She seemed settled and Rachel really had no idea what that felt like. She'd been to like four different schools after being kicked out of each one for one offensive or another. And each time her parents simply loaded up and moved—enrolled her and left for another grand vacation somewhere. Running as far away as they could from their mistake.

It was okay though, she was used to that. To them. Sometimes however she wondered what her life would have been like had she had family like other people. Like Ripley. Parents who gave a damn and didn't just throw money at her. A mother who told her she was beautiful instead of offering to pay for her many painful surgeries that made her the girl she was today.

Still Ripley was probably one of those natural beauties like Brooke or Peyton.

Digging her phone out of her purse, she flipped through some of the pictures until Cooper's face was on the display. Everything would be so simple right now if he'd just loved her back. God she'd _really _needed him to love her back. So what he was an adult and she was seventeen; she totally consented to everything they did. And besides soon she'd be eighteen and it wouldn't matter anymore. Surely he'd known that.

Of course he'd known he just hadn't cared. He'd wanted sex with some faceless chick. All men did and so far she was really good at being that faceless chick. But if he'd wanted her then they would have been together and she wouldn't have gone home with that other guy. She tried hard not to think about that, otherwise she might end up in the bathroom crying again.

And that kinda shit never helped anyone.

Maybe she was being punished for all of the horrible stuff she'd done to people. Stolen boyfriends, back-stabbed and oh yeah the most terrible; opened the time capsule that got Jimmy and Keith killed. What happened to her was her own fucken fault and she had no one to blame but herself.

She didn't _deserve _someone as good as Cooper and he had known that from the minute he hooked up with her. That she was nothing but a fat girl inside trying desperately to make herself feel better by being flirty and wearing revealing clothes. She didn't deserve goodness or friendship or love. She purposely looked in places she knew she wouldn't find it so that later she wouldn't be disappointed. She didn't deserve happiness.

Too bad she couldn't stop looking for it anyway.


	2. The Story's Old, The Black & White

**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters. They belong to One Tree Hill/The CW. All song lyrics and titles belong to their respective owners, and the band name mentioned in this chapter belongs to Emma of Twitter.

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews, everyone! I'm happy to see you are enjoying things so far. I hope that continues!

Chapter Two: The Story's Old, The Black & White Have Gone to Gray

It was easy for Rachel to con some guy into picking her up and taking her to school the next day, and she hadn't even had to promise him anything in return. He was just happy to be in her presence. Naturally her parents had simply told her where to find all of the important papers instead of actually helping, but after a little trial and error she would be able to pick up her rental car tomorrow if she wished while hers was in the shop. She was going to see what they had for her and if it wasn't posh enough, she'd find a ride elsewhere.

Strolling to her locker, she twirled in her combination and pulled open the metal door, glancing into the square mirror she'd taped up inside. As usual she looked perfect and she smiled; her new concealer was doing a wonderful job of hiding the dark circles under her eyes from not sleeping as much as she needed. It really was a miracle that she didn't wake up screaming from her nightmares but she supposed she'd trained herself to be a more cold sweat kind of person. Being a fat chick that got picked on trained her for later in life apparently.

Running a hand through her vibrant red hair, she traded out her books and slowly cut her eyes to the left where Ripley stood with two of her friends. She'd _never_ noticed her before and yet there she'd been for half of the school year, going about her life just like everyone else. Yet now Rachel _noticed _her and it was a bit disconcerting really. She hoped the blonde didn't start waving to her or wanting to hang out just because they'd spent one night together because of a storm. After all it's not like she was Mouth—a cool nerd. She was just some random girl.

Some random girl in a pink t-shirt with a rocker's face on it laughing at whatever one of her friend's said.

Sighing, she closed her locker and jerked at the sight of Brittany Garner standing in front of her. Brittany was a petite brunette—more petite than Brooke—who was also on their cheerleading squad. "Hey Rachel!"

"Hey Brittany." Rachel didn't really like her but she put up with her like she did many other people. "What's up?"

"I heard that your truck broke down yesterday. That sucks." She replied. "How did you get here today?"

"Some guy picked me up. Roger or Bobby, something like that." Rachel shrugged. "But it's fine I get my rental car tomorrow."

Brittany grinned. "Great. So um…" She lowered her voice. "I heard you got a ride home from that Ripley girl. Are you okay?"

"Should I not be?"

"Well no but I—I mean you _know_, right?"

"Know what?"

"Ripley's…she's gay."

"What?"

"Yeah. She like came out—I think that's the term—when she was fourteen. _Every_one knows it."

Rachel had not known it. "I—huh. That's interesting."

Brittany arched a brow. "I guess. I just wanted to tell you in case you didn't know since you're new or whatever in a way. In case you wanted to steer clear of her."

"Why would I do that? I mean we're not friends so I doubt I'll be talking to her anyway but…" She trailed off, waiting for the other girl to explain herself.

"Cause she—she's _that way._What if she tried to put the moves on you or something?" Brittany looked completely scandalized. "My preacher says gay people are sexual deviants who will jump someone at the drop of a hat."

Rachel laughed. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Lighten _up_, Brit. She's a lesbian, not a horny little terrier."

Like she figured she would, Brittany giggled enthusiastically at her joke and the subject was closed. They walked off together towards their first class but Rachel couldn't help sneaking another look at Ripley. She didn't _look_ gay, of course there was no poster girl for how someone gay was supposed to look. But perhaps more importantly was the fact that she hadn't came on to her. _Everyone _came on to Rachel…it was just a fact of life. It was one of the things she worked so hard for. However she was finding people at Tree Hill High were sometimes damn near impossible to get close to. Such as Lucas and Nathan Scott for instant.

She'd even told Lucas he could use her to make Brooke jealous and he'd _still _ended up rejecting her. Who rejects a hot naked girl in the backseat of their car? Better yet what heterosexual man rejects a hot naked girl in the backseat of their car? Well Lucas Scott for one. It had bothered her at first that he didn't want her but now she didn't care. After Cooper it was hard to care about some high school boy or any high school boy.

If she had any kind of sense in her head she would just date Mouth and call it a night. He was sweet and smart and obviously into her, and all of the people she liked to impress liked him. She could—she could get past his looks eventually. So what he wasn't the most gorgeous guy in the world? He'd treat her like a Queen and that's what she needed. Though Mouth probably wouldn't want her now either—at least he shouldn't. She was tainted all over and no matter how hard she scrubbed it wouldn't come off.

_Stop. Thinking. About. That._

Exhaling deeply, she settled into her desk in English and smiled at Brooke. They had another substitute and had no idea when they would be getting a new teacher. No one cared though because subs were much easier to handle.

As the class filled up with faceless people she never gave a second glance, she was quite surprised to see Ripley walk through the door with a slightly chubby Goth girl and take a seat a row behind her. She took out an ink pen and nibbled on her bottom lip, trying to remember if she had anymore classes with the blonde. It was totally possible that she did; hell she could have every class with her. As she tried to feel bad for being self absorbed she just couldn't muster it. She was who she was, no need to change now.

Ripley slouched in her desk and squinted at the chalk board as their teacher started to write on it. Rachel frowned to herself and wondered why the blonde hadn't hit on her. She was gorgeous—she knew she was—a team of doctors had worked hard to make her that way. So why wasn't the lesbian throwing herself at her? Maybe she wasn't her type; _no I'm everyone's type. That's the whole point._

The sub started on the notes they were supposed to be taking and Rachel vaguely paid attention. She jotted a few things down and then discreetly looked to Ripley again, lifting a brow at the sight of both her hands writing at once. From what she could tell, the right hand was taking notes and the left hand was drawing odd little doodles.

Smirking, she tore a sheet of paper out of her notebook and wrote: _What are you doing?_

Flashing the random guy in the middle aisle an award winning smile, she folded it up and then handed it to him, pointing to Ripley.

The blonde looked up when she was tapped on the wrist and took the paper, her bright blue eyes meeting Rachel's when random guy motioned it was from her. She opened it, replied and then slowly passed it back. And so started their forty five minutes of note passing.

_What do you mean what am I doing? Just taking notes._

_I mean with your left hand._

_Oh just doodling. I'm, ambidextrous._

_Ooh sounds sexy. So can I ask you something totally personal?_

_…Okay._

_Are you really a lesbian?_

_Yes._

_Hey it's okay. I don't have any problems with it I was just curious. Brittany told me that you were. She also said I should watch myself around you._

_Haha well no worries. Your innocence is safe with me. But yeah I'm gay._

_I haven't been innocent since I was twelve. ;)_

_Well either way I won't be launching myself at you. Nice to know the Tree Hill rumor mill still remembers me though._

_Was it bad? I mean when you first came out?_

_Kinda. Some people got it but others just wanted to cause trouble. Like some of the girls refused to use the shower if I was in it…stuff like that._

_What? Those stupid bitches! As if you'd want to watch any of those uggos in the buff._

_Hahaha. I was fourteen at the time; I wasn't really scoping any chick like that._

_What about now? You told me you didn't have a boyfriend but you didn't say anything about girlfriend._

_No girlfriend either._

_Cool. Thanks by the way…for the drawing you left. I liked it._

_You're welcome._

_Do you have any more I could look at?_

_Most of the stuff I do is at home unless I'm just messing around._

_Well I'd love to—_

Rachel stopped writing mid sentence and looked up as the teacher spoke. "Miss Sinclair? Can you tell me who said _Done to death by slanderous tongue_?"

"William Shakespeare." She said as she yawned.

The teacher's expression was miffed that she hadn't managed to stump the blonde, so she nodded and continued on with their lesson. Rachel chuckled to herself and finished her note before passing it.

_Well I'd love to see your stuff sometime._

_Sure, if you want._

The bell rung shrilly and everyone started to filter out of the room. Rachel shoved her books into her stylish bag as quickly as she could and ducked out of the doorway to catch up to Ripley at her locker. "Hey!"

"Um, I'll see you later _Believe it or not._" The Goth girl murmured before walking away.

"Okay Glenda." Ripley remarked. "And hello."

Rachel leaned against the row of lockers, her hands in her back pockets and her chest stuck out. "What did she call you?"

Ripley snickered lightly. "Oh it's just some stupid nickname I've had for a while. Ya know the whole Ripley's Believe It or Not show with like people doing weird things? It's from that."

The redhead snorted humorously. "Okay." Pause. "So, are you like the only lesbian here?"

"Heh um, I don't know. I don't really go around polling people on their sexual identity." Ripley tucked strands of hair behind her ears.

Rachel grinned. "Why didn't you tell me that you were gay yesterday?"

Ripley blinked at her blankly. "It didn't come up."

There was a dirty joke there but she wasn't going to touch it this time. "I'm perfectly fine with it you know."

The blonde chuckled and closed her locker. "Cool." She headed off down the hall and Rachel joined her. "How's your truck?"

"Oh it's in the shop. I'm getting a—" Rachel trailed off as she detected how people were whispering and pointing at the pair of them; the guys smiling and nodding at some unspoken thing. She didn't know what they were thinking but she could guess and she loved being the center of their attention. "I'm getting an estimate on how much it'll cost to fix it but I don't know how I'm gonna get to school."

Ripley frowned. "They won't give you a rental?"

She shook her head with a pout. "No. You have to be eighteen or something and I miss the mark. Hey, I know it's a lot to ask but do you think maybe you could pick me up? I'd be willing to pay for gas or whatever…"

Ripley scratched at her cheek, and then shrugged. "Okay I guess I could do that."

"Thanks!" She exclaimed, grabbing the other girl's hand. "You're a lifesaver."

"_Hey did you guys hear? Haley James Scott is pregnant!_" Someone yelled out loudly.

"Huh." Rachel huffed and shook her head. "That's new. I thought it was Brooke. I'd told everyone it was Brooke—the Clean Teens are going to be so disappointed they can't save her from a life of sin."

Ripley tilted her head to the side. "Okay I only understood the first part of that sentence. But good for Haley."

The redhead nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. "She's going to make a great mom."

"I think most women are capable of being good moms but some just refuse to step up."

"You think _I'd _be a good mom?"

"Why not? You're capable of love and compassion just like anyone else."

Lowering her big brown eyes, Rachel hunched her shoulders minutely and wet her lips. She could remember having a real mother up until the teenage years when she turned out husky instead of the pretty princess her mom wanted her to be. Her mother was beautiful—tall and skinny with natural D cup breasts and ripples of natural auburn hair. She was so let down when her only daughter started packing on the pounds. When she couldn't fit into a size four or wear any of the pretty clothes that were in style.

Swallowing hard, she slipped her mask back into place. "What's it like to kiss a girl?"

Ripley laughed flippantly. "Like kissing a boy."

"You've kissed boys?" Rachel inquired with honest interest.

"Yeah. Before I came out I kissed a guy to see if maybe I was just confused." The other girl related. "I wasn't."

Rachel eyed her. "It has to be different though. I mean guys are all strong with muscles and girls are soft and aren't afraid of showers."

The blonde snickered. "It was softer I guess."

"You don't mind me asking you about this, do you?"

"Not really. Everyone else already has so you're kinda behind really."

At the end of the hallway Brooke was waiting for her, so Rachel motioned that she was on her way. "Do you have an ex running around here somewhere?"

Ripley pulled at the strap of her shoulder bag. "I do."

_Interesting! _"You should eat lunch with me and my friends."

"Thanks but my friends are waiting for me." Ripley informed her. "Later."

She strolled away but Rachel could still hear people chattering lowly and _all_ they had done was walk down the hall together! Imagine how people would react and talk if they hung out more, went to clubs together or something. She'd become a Tree Hill legend; they would _never _forget her. And that is something she seriously wanted, to never be forgotten.

Besides if she could get any guy to want her, how hard could it be getting a girl to do the same?

* * *

><p>Usually Ripley spent her study hall in the art room or bugging the band teacher to play with the instruments, but per Glenda's request she was sitting under a tree in the quad waiting for her friend. It was quiet mostly; a few voices could be heard every now and then. People were still talking about Haley being pregnant and how cute she was going to look when she started to show.<p>

Nathan and Haley were like a tv couple or something. Married high school students expecting a baby and living on their own—it was something Ripley couldn't even imagine happening to her and not just because she was gay. Like many other gay women she wanted a family someday. Kids and all of that but the thought of having it before she graduated just seemed weird. But in their defense Nathan and Haley weren't perfect by any means. They fought to stay together and that is half the reason people liked them so much and rooted for them.

It was one of her reasons anyway.

Glenda exited the building through a side door and made a beeline for her friend. "You gonna tell me why you're hanging out with Rachel now?"

Ripley slipped over so that she could sit down. "We're not hanging out. Apparently someone warned her that I'm a raging homo."

Glenda rolled her eyes. "Assholes. What did she want earlier?"

"She asked me a bunch of questions about my homo-ness but not in a mean way." She crossed her legs Indian style. "And she asked if I could pick her up in the mornings while her truck is in the shop."

Her best friend stared at her quietly for a moment. "Dude, be real with me. I might hate her but yes she's beautiful. It's okay if you think she's hot."

Ripley shrugged. "I never said she wasn't hot. She's also straight so I don't know what you're getting at."

Glenda waved a hand. "You've been single for a while now since breaking up with Ella and—and it's okay if you're ready to move on. The guys and I want you to move on and be happy with someone who's not a total head case. Rachel _is _a total head case."

The blonde sighed and rubbed her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "She's talked to me twice since transferring here and if her Denali hadn't broken down we'd still be strangers. Like I said she's straight and she has the exploits to prove it. Besides Rachel isn't my type anyway, you know that."

"Yeah. You like them studious and sweet. Like Brooke." Her friend teased. "Well she doesn't have the studious part down but she has nice boobs. Those clips of her from the time capsule are still floating around online."

"Surprised Eric hasn't gone blind since they were released."

"Haha! Okay so you're not into Rachel, good. Just be careful around her then. She did bad shit at her other schools and she can't be trusted."

Ripley hummed in agreement. She wasn't sure why Rachel was okay with being buddy buddy with her but she supposed there was an angle there somewhere. People like Rachel didn't just wanna be around people like her for no reason. She was certain they'd never speak again after she'd left her house and honestly she was okay with that. She was okay with going back to her slice of normal life. From what she'd seen of the so-called popular kids, it was way more trouble than it was worth trying to hold onto. Yet she felt a little guilty thinking bad things about Rachel because of hearsay or whatever. Still she did know from experience the redhead could be mean from their encounter in the bathroom. Staying with her through a thunderstorm wasn't exactly a life changing moment, but then again perhaps she just wanted to be nice.

It was a rare animal among people their age but it did exist.

* * *

><p>"A lot can happen in seventy-two hours. You know this."<p>

Brooke exploded out of a bathroom stall and pointed a finger at her friend where she stood admiring her reflection. "This is all your fault!" When Rachel didn't reply, she growled. "Well? You skanked me into this. How about you help me out?"

The redhead turned and faced her. "Hey, I am not the one that ditched my boyfriend to have my horns trimmed by our new high school English teacher. Although, I am kinda jealous."

Brooke shook her head violently from side to side. "Thank you. That is very constructive. What am I supposed to do about it now, genius? I have to see him every day until I graduate. This is so embarrassing."

Rachel sighed and tried to calm her down. It _was _her fault for lying online and telling Mr. Nick Chavez that eighteen year old Brooke was actually a twenty-three year old fashion designer named Peyton. However in her defense she'd had no idea he'd turn out to be their new teacher. Seriously what were the odds? "Look, he's probably just as embarrassed about the situation as you are." Brooke's face was blank. "Okay maybe not that embarrassed. But the bottom line, Brooke you have to deal with him."

"Deal with him? Deal with him how? Car crash, drowning? What do you suggest?"

"Brooke, why don't you just wait till school is over, and that way you can talk to him alone? I mean, you can't skip school forever."

"Oh, really? Says who? What do I need stupid English for any…how?"

Rachel fought hard to hold in her sniggers and just nodded in solidarity. "Right…"

The brunette huffed. "Okay. Would you do me a favor and check the hallway to make sure the coast is clear?"

Humoring her friend, she tip toed over to the door and peeped out, spotting Peyton and Lucas passing by. "Actually uh, you might wanna wait a second."

_A lot can happen in seventy-two hours._

Like Peyton's newfound 'brother' really being some psycho who just wanted to get into her pants. He'd attacked her a few days ago but thankfully Lucas had been there to help her.

Like Lucas rejoining the Ravens even though he had some kinda heart condition.

Like Brooke hooking up with the guy Rachel pushed on her from some online website only to find out that said guy was now their new English teacher.

Like Rachel getting a ride to school from Ripley and basking in what the people were saying and the looks she was getting from the guys.

"Hey look on the bright side. At least Shelly has left you alone." She hopped onto the sink counters.

Brooke groaned. "Please. Things were _much _easier when everyone thought I was pregnant." Yanking on her tiny shawl, she mirrored her friend's pose. "Anyway are you okay?"

"I'm perfect. Why?" She inquired.

"Nothing I just—I noticed you haven't been sleeping that well. You kinda…talk in your sleep a little." Brooke grabbed up a paper towel and started playing with it.

For one brief second Rachel _stopped _as her heart thudded loudly against her rib cage. But when her friend didn't elaborate on what she had been saying in her sleep, she relaxed. "I'm fine. Sometimes I dream about the accident or whatever but I'm okay. Really." A beat. "So yeah, you'll lay low today and then talk to Mr. Chavez when everyone is gone. Sounds like a plan."

Brooke snorted loudly. "We'll see. Anyway, was that Ripley Sinclair picking you up this morning? You _could _have just ridden with me you know…"

Rachel smirked. "I know, and yes it was her. She's giving me rides all week."

The brunette gazed at her with a _why _expression. "Since when are you two friends?"

The other girl scoffed. "We're not but guys _love _bisexual girls. They see us hanging out together and they'll assume things."

Brooke flicked a piece of paper at her. "You're a real piece of work. No wonder you're in your tightest jeans and half naked top. Though you know Ripley is a nice person. You shouldn't…do whatever it is you do to people."

"I'm not _doing _anything to her." Rachel snapped. "I know I'm poison to those around me but I can talk to someone without making their entire life implode."

"Sweetie you know that's not what I meant." Her friend said softly. "I just—she had it hard when she first came out. Like really hard; Jimmy Edwards hard. People would spray paint horrible things on her locker and others didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Eventually they moved on but some _never_really move on."

"She didn't tell me that." Rachel licked her lips, tasting watermelon lip gloss. "Why come out at all? Not like this is New York or LA."

"I guess she just wanted to be true to herself." She smiled. "She didn't back down and I respect that."

"Yeah she is kinda oddly heroic in a way I guess." _I guess…_" And just odd."

Brooke giggled. "Mhm but geeze her mom makes the _best_muffins and cupcakes I've ever had. She owns that little shop across from Karen's café. You should check it out if you're not scared of getting a fat ass again."

Rachel flipped her off. "Ha ha. Maybe I will…"

There wasn't anything wrong with being seen with Ripley so that people would talk as far as she was concerned. Compared to some of the other stuff she'd done, this was tame. It wasn't driving a car into the swim team's swimming pool or having sex in the boy's locker room with a member of the football team. And it definitely wasn't sleeping with a married member of the faculty. All of which she'd done without a second thought.

What's more by them associating, Ripley might have some popularity rub off on her and who didn't want that?

* * *

><p>Meadow Sinclair wiggled her fingers impatiently as she waited for her sister to give her some money. Unlike Ripley she was a willowy brunette but had the same soft almost ethereal features. "C'mon! I'm starving and the vending machines are calling my name."<p>

Ripley rolled her eyes but gave her sister five one dollar bills. "Here. Do you have a ride home or do I have to come back and pick you up?"

"Patrick's mother offered to take me home." She said shoving the money into her pocket. "After his Clean Teen meeting."

"Heh." Ripley was always amused that her little sister was dating a freaken _Clean Teen_. It was exactly like it sounded like, a bunch of virgins and born again virgins vowing not to have sex until they were married. They even had t-shirts with _virgins for life _on the back. "I'll let mom know then."

Meadow rocked back on her tennis shoes. "Cool. I should be home in time for dinner though."

Her sister nodded. "Good it's your turn to do the dishes."

The brunette made a face. "Yeah well just don't make anything too sticky. I am not in the mood to be scrubbing all night."

Suddenly a new voice joined them. "Sorry I'm late! I had to talk Brooke down off a cliff."

Ripley didn't mind. "No worries. Um, this is my sister, Meadow. Meadow this is—"

"Rachel Gattina!" Meadow exclaimed before she could stop herself. "Sorry. I—I've just heard of you is all. I didn't know you two knew each other."

Rachel flashed a big grin. "We're new friends actually. Your sister is being awesome and giving me rides home while my Denali is in the shop."

Meadow smiled; her cheeks pink. "That's awesome. Well I—I have to get to my meeting but I'll see ya later."

Ripley gave her a brief yet playful shove as she was walking away. "Later."

"Do all of you look like that?" Rachel twirled pieces of her hair.

"Like what?" Asked the other girl.

"I don't know. Fairies or something. You've all got a fae thing going on." She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. "I mean that in a good way though."

Ripley was tickled at the compliment. "Thanks I suppose. Guess we take that after our mom. Our dad is more on the rough and tumble side." She climbed onto her bike and handed Rachel a cherry red helmet, the one she'd been using for three days. "Ready?"

Rachel slipped on the helmet and crawled on behind her, sliding and pressing close, holding on tightly. "Always."

Ripley had a feeling she wasn't telling the entire truth.


	3. I'll Give You Strength to Pull Through

**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters. They belong to One Tree Hill/The CW. All song lyrics and titles belong to their respective owners.

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews, everyone! I'm happy to see you are enjoying things so far. I hope that continues!

Chapter Three: I'll Give You Strength to Pull Through

Nothing bad had ever really happened to Ripley Sinclair. Well unless you counted how utterly horrible people were to her after she announced that she was gay. Though she didn't exactly announce it; someone asked and instead of lying or waving them off she'd said yes. One little world and the floodgates to the shit storm had opened. For months she was talked about and harassed but compared to some of thing terrible things that people go through getting bullied and called a dyke wasn't the end of the world.

So she had a lot of sympathy for Peyton and the fact that she'd been brutally attacked by some guy she'd let into her life who'd posed as her long lost brother. If it hadn't been for Lucas, Psycho Derek as he was now being called would have raped her and done who knows what else. Peyton hadn't been in school since the incident but no one blamed her. Not to mention the gossip mill was in full force, everyone had an opinion on the subject a week later. It sucked even more because this Derek was now missing and the cops didn't have any leads.

Ripley could only guess as to what Peyton might be going through. She'd given Lucas a basket of muffins and things from her mother to take to Peyton and he'd thanked her for the gesture. She could remember sitting outside of her mother's shop and watching Lucas help his mom at her café, but never really interacting with him. By then she'd became friends with Glenda and the guys and it seemed silly to reach out to anyone else.

Running a hand through her long blonde locks, she shifted in her chair and stared at the computer in front of her. Absently she scrolled and surveyed all of the t-shirts on the screen, adding a few to her cart. She was supposed to be working on a history project but shopping online was a lot more fun. Plus she needed some new shirts with obscure phrases and dead rock stars. And maybe this cute Hello Kitty one but who didn't love Hello Kitty?

She didn't realize that someone was behind her until soft hair brushed her cheek and she turned her head slightly to find Rachel peering over her shoulder, so close that she could smell her perfume and see the freckles on her neck. She didn't know what to make of their…"relationship" to be honest. Rachel's Denali was fixed but she still insisted that Ripley pick her up and take her home. She'd pop up at her locker all smiles or attempt to send her notes during their classes together. But other than that they didn't really interact. Not that it stopped people dropping whatever they were doing to stare.

It was strange but Eric and Jeremy thought it was _awesome_. They also thought she was banging Rachel like a bongo drum even though she swore on her life that she wasn't. It made her wonder what other people thought and why a man eater like Rachel would be okay with it.

"You should get the red one. I think you'd look nice in red." Rachel smiled and pulled up a chair. "Who is Blue Oyster Cult anyway?"

Ripley tilted her head to the side. "They're a band, kinda big in the seventies."

"Cool." She dug into her pocket and pulled out a tube of pale pink sparkly gloss. "Here I got this from you."

Ripley took it. "Thanks. What's the occasion?"

The redhead shrugged. "Just…a thank you for how you've been helping me out. I would have gotten you something else but I didn't know you like shirts with odd pictures on them."

The blonde checked out and typed in her mother's credit card number. "You didn't have to get me anything."

Rachel nodded. "I know but I wanted to. And when I want something I usually get it." She smiled and brushed cottony white lint off the other girl's shirt.

One of the three guys over near the card index who were unabashedly staring whistled and Rachel smirked and leaned back in her chair, smoothing her fingers along the seam of her jeans. She crossed her legs and pulled at her necklace, slipping the tiny pendant into her mouth. Ripley looked from her to the guys and back again, and suddenly she understood what was going on.

Making sure that her personal information hadn't been stored on the computer, she logged out and stood. "I gotta go."

"What's wrong?" Rachel inquired, noting the change in her demeanor.

Slicking her tongue across her bottom lip, she hefted her bag onto her shoulder. "I'm not—I am what I am. I mean I can't change it because it's how I was born and I've accepted it. I'm not here to be a spectacle for other people or to be used as jerk off material for guys."

"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked slowly.

Ripley pointed to the guys. "You like them thinking we're…I don't know…_something_."

The redhead tongued her top lip. "Is that wrong?"

"I guess not. People have a right to think whatever they want, but I don't have to give them fodder for their fantasies either."

"Who cares if they fantasize a little?" Rachel grinned. "It just makes us even hotter to them."

"I don't _want _to be hot to them. I'm gay. I have no interest in boys what so ever." Shaking her head, she headed for the door and left the room.

One of the disadvantages to being so mellow about a lot of things was getting seriously angry at others. Ripley could hold a grudge for _years _if she felt so inclined, and when she got mad her first impulse was to hit something. A wall or a pillow, anything to take some of the emotion out of her body and put it into something else. Karate was supposed to settle her but it just made her able to hit harder where it would hurt more. Though she didn't use violence to solve her problems. She'd never been in a fight before in her entire life but she was sure she could take care of herself. Still sometimes slamming her first into a mirror sounded like a good idea.

She was almost at the art room when a hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her to a stop. She turned and arched a brow. "What?"

Rachel blinked. "I—I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that I was sorry." Pause. "I didn't mean to use you or whatever. I _wasn't _using you; it's not like I can control what anyone else thinks."

The blonde scoffed. "But that was the only reason you were hanging out with me, right? For the attention?"

Busted, Rachel sighed. "I don't see what the big deal is. So a few guys thought we were hooking up? We knew the truth. You knew you didn't have a chance with me."

Ripley's eyes stretched as the other girl registered what she'd said. "I think you should find another ride home." Without saying anything else, she walked into the art room and closed the door behind her.

Judging a book by its' cover was wrong but sometimes you got exactly what you expected.

* * *

><p>Some people were just so freaken sensitive and Rachel didn't understand it. People talked about her and called her names but she didn't care. She had thick skin from being fat and ridiculed for years. And it wasn't like she'd killed Ripley's dog or whatever. The blonde was just being stupid and overly touchy. Something she would have to get over if she planned to make it in the real world.<p>

But Rachel couldn't think about her silly little issues because she was in too big of a good mood. _Maxim_ had arrived in the mail and she was on the cover as the hometown hottie! Out of all of the other girls she'd been chosen and she looked _amazing_! The shots they'd used were gorgeous and so totally sexy. Brooke had been quite happy for her earlier when she'd ditched school to go and show her the magazine. Anyone else would have probably been jealous.

As they should be.

Giving an annoyed sigh, she leaned against the door frame of her English class and watched as Mr. Chavez erased the blackboard. She'd totally rained on her parade at the beginning of class just because she was enjoying herself and the attention that her magazine spread had gotten her. Boys were _actually _asking for autographs like she was a celebrity or something! And then he'd walked in and snatched all copies of the mag away and accused her of making a "spectacle" of herself. Whatever; it wasn't her fault that she was so damned sexy.

Although in hindsight her jab at him about liking high school girls _did _hit below the belt but he'd made her angry. And to be honest she didn't like the fact that he was sneaking around with Brooke. They could both get into some serious trouble and Brooke had too much going on for that to happen. But she was going to make amends if that is what it took and hopefully get her Maxim back. She was sure there were people who hadn't seen it yet.

Grinning at those thoughts, she slipped into the classroom and knocked on the door. The dark haired and slightly handsome Mr. Nick Chavez turned to look at her. "I'd say nice spread, but that's probably inappropriate for a teacher."

Twitch. "Bet you wouldn't have a problem saying it to Brooke. Aren't you her teacher, too?"

He rolled his eyes and stepped closer. "I get it. You like to be the center of attention, get a rise out of people." He folded his arms over his chest. "It's the hallmark of insecurity."

She laughed. "Wow. You're an underpaid high school teacher sleeping with a student, and _I'm _insecure? Yeah, okay."

Nick walked around his desk to stand in front of her. "You seem to be in the driver's seat, Miss. Gattina. So, what do you want?"

She smirked and closed the door. "Just one thing. I think we should close the door for this." She then faced him. "Brooke is my friend and I care about her a lot. I don't know if you're really into her or just the thrill of dating a student, but I hope it's not the latter."

He tilted his head to the side. "So you want me to prove to you that I want Brooke? I'm surprised. I thought you would be blackmailing me for better grades or something."

Rachel shrugged. "I'm not a dummy, Mr. Chavez. Contrary to what people might say about me."

"I didn't say that." He motioned to her magazine. "I read it and you had some pretty interesting things to say. Obviously you're a very bright girl…if a little misguided."

She snorted but let the comment go. "Anyway just, don't hurt Brooke. She deserves to be happy. Okay?"

Nick rubbed his chin and was suddenly in her space, pressing her back into the wooden door. "Whatever you say." His hands fell to her sides and squeezed before trailing lower, dipping underneath the soft material of her cheerleading skirt. "How about we make each other happy though, right now?"

"What? Ew, no" Frowning, she pushed at his chest but he wouldn't budge. "Get away from me."

"C'mon you know this is why you really closed the door." Smiling, he lowered his face to her neck and kissed along the smooth skin. The fingers on his left hand shifted upward, quickly pushing her panties to the side so that he could rub silky skin.

Rachel jerked and shoved at him harder. "Get off me!"

"Ooh so you like it rough, I can get down with that." He winked and pinned her to the door with his weight, his thumb dangerously close to slipping inside of her. "Stop being such a little tease."

A sharp pain flared to life inside of her brain just as a white light flashed behind her eyes. _"You know you want this. Stop being such a stupid fucken tease already!"_

The memory hit her violently and she yelled, slamming her knee up into Nick's groin. He yelped in pain but released her, and she bolted out of the classroom before he could catch his breath. She ran down the hall and outside into the quad, shoveling large quantities of air into her lungs before she risked passing out. Voices taunted her in her mind and ghostly touches crawled up the inside of her legs but she did her best for make it all go away. There were people around and she couldn't afford to have a nervous breakdown where they could see. Where they could point and laugh at the spoiled rich girl and her _problems_. But she knew she wouldn't be forgetting what had just happened for a long time. The feeling his hands, his _fingers _nearly enough to make her go back inside and beat him to death.

She'd only closed the door to talk so that no other teachers would hear. Fuck, it was a stupid thing to do. He was right—she'd sent him mixed signals and he'd taken them as the good ahead. _Stupid, I'm so stupid. _Still he was with Brooke which meant other girls were off limits!

"Brooke." She said aloud. "I have to tell Brooke."

Steeling herself, she dug her phone out of her jacket and called a taxi.

The ride to the T.A.R.T. fashion show where Brooke was showing her designs was the longest of her life but she felt like she was doing the right thing. What kinda friend would she be to let Brooke continue dating such an asshole? Besides after all the crap she'd put the other girl through, she _had _to be honest. She just had to.

She paid the cabbie once they reached their destination and got out, ducking into the converted warehouse through a side door. It was a bit quieter inside but most of the models and attendees were still milling around.

Fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, she spotted Brooke. "Hey. How's it going?"

Brooke was practically beaming. "Amazing! Buyers have been coming up to me all day, saying they want my line in their stores. And I'm so psyched, I'd pass out, but I have another show in an hour." She fell down onto a chair to rest her feet before she noticed her friend's dour expression. "What's the matter?"

Rachel swallowed her and joined her, silently talking herself up. She could do this. "I wish my timing was better on this, but um, there's something you need to know about Nick."

Brooke arched a brow. "What?"

Say it. Tell her. "Well, he kept me after school today and when we were alone, he hit on me." And that was putting it totally lightly. "You can't see him anymore, Brooke. He's a bad guy. Do you understand that?" _I hope you do. Please don't make me say what he did. Tried to do._

The brunette inhaled slowly before she said, "I understand that you don't have a boyfriend right now, and maybe you're feeling a little jealous. It's normal, but…"

And just like that Rachel felt her chest clench. "All right. You don't believe me." _Why should she?_ He _said that no one would because of what you are. What I am. I shouldn't be surprised that he was right. But I thought Brooke was different. _"You know what? Never mind. See you later."

Without waiting for a reply, she got up and left. There was nothing left to say. She was stupid to tell anyone. She should have just kept her mouth shut—not like it was anything she hadn't done before.

Though just because Brooke didn't take her seriously didn't mean Principal Turner would react the same way.

* * *

><p>Jeffery Sinclair was a <em>huge <em>basketball fan and he took his love of the Ravens just as seriously as anyone else in the small town. While Ripley didn't care much for sports of any kind, she attended the games with her father because it was important to him and she enjoyed spending time with him. Also she could fake interest a lot better than her sister.

Currently Tree Hill was playing against Bear Creek in the state semi-finals and her father was already upset the Ravens weren't winning by a higher margin. _What's wrong with Nathan Scott tonight?_ He'd grumbled from their place in the bleachers. _Usually he's on fire but tonight his playing sucks. _His dismay was shifted however whenever "Skills" Taylor would make an impossible shot or toss to Lucas for an amazing three pointer. He'd already pointed out how usually the triple threat of the Scott brothers and Taylor would have the Ravens' ahead in the double digits by now.

And he was right, not that Ripley really wanted to engage in a debate with him. He could talk all night about sports and she had a feeling if the Ravens lost, he would do just that.

Snickering to herself, she bit into her giant hot dog and held a napkin under it encase any of the chilli decided to leak off. She hummed at the taste and chewed, listening as the crowd cheered when someone made a shot.

"Admit it; you only came with me for the food."

Ripley swallowed her mouthful and grinned at her father. He was a handsome, gruff looking man with dark brown hair and a strong stature. She could remember being five years old and him coming in from work, scooping her up into his arms and making her feel like one of the little people from the _Wizard of Oz_. "The food is an extra incentive, yes. But I really come for the cheerleaders."

He laughed and elbowed her in the side. "Oh shush." He took a sip from his cup. "Are you still going with me to the State Championships if we make it? Which we better…"

She smiled slowly. "Of course. Contrary to what I say I like hanging out with you at these things. Reminds me of when you used to take me to Sky's baseball games when I was younger."

He nodded at the memory. "Seems like just yesterday you were all small and getting into everything. Now Sky is married and you'll be graduating soon. Your mother and I are getting so old."

She took another bite of her hot dog. "Least you don't look it. And hey, now you have grand kids to look forward to."

"True." He sighed, rubbing his palms on his jean clad knees. "Figured out how you're gonna swing that?"

Ripley snorted. "I'm gay not stupid. I know how it works."

Her father chuckled and ruffled her hair. "Oh! The annual basketball awards banquet is coming up really soon and I was invited. Feel free to buy a new dress to offset the boredom of going with me."

She giggled and finished her food, sipping from her own drink. "Will do. Are you gonna follow basketball next year?"

He shrugged. "If the team is good enough I might. Also depends on who the coach is." He rubbed his hands together and glanced at her. "Thought anymore about college yet?"

She made a face. "Not really. But if you guys really want me to go then I will."

"We're not gonna force you."

"No I know that. I just mean if you'd rather I had some kinda degree under my belt I don't mind getting one. I could be an art major or something."

Sighing fondly, he kissed her temple. "Why are you such an easy going kid? You're a teenager. Shouldn't you be sneaking out of the house or sneaking girls _into _the house?"

Ripley smiled and let her head rest on his shoulder. "Why do either when I'm sure I'll get permission if I ask?"

Mr. Sinclair sat up straighter as people started meandering back into the gym; the time out nearly over. "You think we'd give you permission to have some girl in your room with the door closed? You know Meadow would go on and on about the injustice of it all."

That she would. "True but if it's just Patrick she wants in there you have nothing to worry about. He's a _Clean Teen_. In fact _I _have a better chance of knocking someone up than he does."

Her father laughed loudly and a few people glanced back. Ripley smirked; he did have a rather infectious laugh. Yawning lowly, she watched the two teams practice on their respective sides of the court before her eyes drifted to the cheerleaders. Haley was missing from her usual spot as was Peyton though naturally she probably didn't feel like being around crowds after what she'd been through.

Gathering up their combined trash, she hurried down to a large trash can and dumped the wrappers. She waved to Toby where he sat in the bleachers and turned to see Rachel and Brooke in a heated conversation. Her brows drew together and she snorted inwardly, pretty sure that whatever Brooke was angry about Rachel probably deserved it. She hadn't told her friends about what the redhead had done but it still kinda irked. Sure she'd been used before but not as a prop in someone else's odd little play. But it was probably her own fault for indulging in her curiosity with the other girl anyway. She should have just kept on driving that day of the storm.

* * *

><p><em>"The Ravens have won by nine and they're headed for the State Championship, baby!"<em>

Maybe it was Brooke yelling at her that had one it. Maybe hearing her friend—her _only_ friend—call her a slutty liar who lies had ignited a spark inside of her head that brought the careful wall she'd erupted tumbling down. Rachel wasn't exactly sure but the end result was her hiding in a bathroom stall trying to catch her breath, her heart thudding so loudly in her ears that she was sure it would never stop. She couldn't _breathe_! She couldn't get a grip! She couldn't…she just _couldn't_!

Curled up on the cold tile of the dusty bathroom floor, she heaved as if having an asthma attack and dug her nails into her legs so hard she made crescent shaped cuts. Her entire body was trembling, her eyes threatening to pour tears that she was just barely holding at bay. She could hear the celebration outside in the gym but she didn't care. The only thing she could focus on was the pain and her own worthless problems.

If Brooke stopped caring about her, she'd have no one. Yeah Mouth was around but only because he wanted what all guys wanted from her. Sure he came on sweet but he was still a _guy_. He still wanted to fuck her; he was just going about it in a nice way. At her other schools she'd been the hottest girl without a care in the world and without someone to confide in. But here it was different. She could—she could _tell _Brooke things. She didn't but she knew that she could and that meant something.

Yes she'd been a bitch in the beginning but it was different now. She wouldn't hurt Brooke for anything in the world. She loved her. Brooke was the only person who saw _something _in her besides the persona she tried so hard to convey. It hurt to think about going back to shallow conversations and a big empty house where anything could happen.

She wasn't worthy of a kind word or a non sexual touch but she wanted them anyway. God she was so fucked up! And it played in her mind over and over again. She might as well still be over two hundred pounds, letting boys fuck her from behind so that they wouldn't have to look at her ugly face. They'd claimed doggystyle was better but she wasn't stupid, especially when the next day they didn't even spare her a second glance.

Thinking about it almost made her sick but she was gasping too hard to get the urge to vomit. She could still _feel_ them—their hands—_his_ hands—their mouths—_his _mouth; when did it ever stop!

Her head was buried in her hands when she heard the door open and soft footsteps getting closer. She went rigid with fear and waited. Waited for phantom voices to laugh at her or feign concern just to find out what the hell was wrong with her. Normal girls didn't have panic attacks in the bathroom.

"Rachel?"

Looking up into startled blue eyes, she crumbled like wet sand and barely stifled the sob that built in her throat. In seconds she was pulled into warm arms and being hushed soothingly as gentle fingers combed through her hair. Even _this_she didn't warrant but she couldn't force herself to jerk away. To crawl into a stall and black out until everyone was gone. She just needed a little human contact…just for a minute.

"Shh it's okay. It's okay. Did someone do something to you?"

She shook her head slowly. _I did it to myself. _"I—I'm—I can't—breathe… Rip—ley…"

Ripley wet her lips and shifted to face her, taking her face in her hands. "You're having a severe panic attack. You need to relax. I want you to follow my breathing okay?" She took Rachel's hand and put it to her chest. "Feel that? C'mon now, in and out slowly. You can do it."

Rachel was jerking with the force of her hiccups but she tried to focus. She stared into the other girl's clear pretty eyes, trying to get her shaking lungs under control. _Please don't let anyone see. Please don't let anyone see._

The blonde's heart was _so _steady and she smelled like some type of mens' cologne but it was oddly comforting. As was the shape of her lips each time she exhaled. Rachel wasn't sure how long they breathed in tandem but eventually she could pull air into her lungs without feeling like she was drowning.

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, embarrassed. "Th—thanks."

Ripley nodded and watched her. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine now. I just—I—"

"You don't have to tell me." Ripley shrugged. "I'm just glad you're doing better."

"Why did you help me?"

"Well I couldn't just let you suffocate, could I?"

"I was horrible to you earlier."

"Nah I've had worse."

"Thank you, Ripley."

"You're welcome."

Ripley helped her stand and waited for her as she fixed her face, tried to get her body to obey and be loose again. When she finally exited the bathroom she was her old self again with a big smile plastered onto her visage. A few of her cheerleading friends hurried over to pull her into their little circle of celebrating over winning the game and she went because she _had _to. Yet as she stood between Brittany and Leona (who she actually liked) and gushed about how great it felt to be in the State Championship, she couldn't stop staring at the petite blonde who strolled out of the gym with a handsome older man.

When she was twelve and people used to pick on her mercilessly because of her weight, she'd had a friend named Lila that was gorgeous but so unbelievably sincere. She never said anything bad about anyone and she hung out with the "fat girl" even though most people thought she shouldn't. She was incredibly nice to Rachel and treated her like a person. That is until Bobby Larson showed up and made it his mission to make Rachel cry as much as he could. And then bit by bit the once thoughtful Lila turned into a taunting bitch just like the rest of them. That was when she realized if she wanted to be _anyone_she had to get boys to like her.

Not having much to work with since guys didn't care if you were smart; she tried to go the route of sex appeal. A boy would have sex with you no matter what you looked like as long as he got off and no one knew about it. Bobby oinked at her in the hallways and drew pigs on her locker, but in the woods behind her house he plowed her like a man starved for it. It hadn't been good by any means but she'd gotten pleasure in the fact that Lila's perfect boyfriend came to her. Taping one of their encounters and sending just the bare basics to her former friend, and watching outside of her window as she erupted into tears was the first act of evil she'd ever done.

But it wasn't the last.

And honestly she didn't feel a lot of remorse for the lives she'd ruined except for a special few. Jimmy and Keith being at the very top of course since they'd both lost their lives. However under them was now Ripley and she hadn't even been _that _bad. Digging rumors people were spreading wasn't stealing a boyfriend or getting a teacher fired by lying and saying he'd grabbed your breast. Yet she felt bad for it just the same. Not to mention confused.

Did people really help you because it was the right thing to do? Not in her experience. But it was clear Ripley didn't have an angle. She'd looked into her eyes in the bathroom and saw nothing but concern…and frankly it terrified her. She was so damaged that she wasn't sure she could take someone honestly giving a damn about her, though she craved it like nothing else.

Still it gave her pause and a reason to not be evil towards the blonde. Maybe to just leave her alone altogether. Most of all she wished that small bit of kindness was enough to get her to change her ways but she knew it wasn't. She had to be what people thought she was, or she wasn't anything at all.

* * *

><p>One am in the morning found Ripley outside on her porch with her acoustic guitar working on a song that wouldn't leave her alone until she got a proper melody. Everyone else was asleep but staying up late was usual for her. Sometimes her head felt so busy that she wondered if bees were inside buzzing around. She didn't think she was an insomniac but it was possible. It was also <em>possible <em>that she perhaps had some kind of undiagnosed disorder for the reasons why she was how she was, but she chose to focus on the brighter side. She was creative and she enjoyed herself.

Yawning softly, she wiggled her toes and tucked her feet under the large golden retriever lying in front of her, smiling when he spared her a glance. Meadow had wanted a small dog that fit in your purse but she'd been out voted, thankfully. Their parents were considering getting her one for her birthday but for right now Icarus was the only four legged family member.

Plucking the strings with her fingers delicately, she stared out into the openness of the early morning sky and hummed to herself. The stars were out and twinkling and she could hear crickets chirping over in the bushes. Other than that it was quiet with no cars speeding by on the road. Everyone was safely tucked away in their beds or their houses, and it made her feel peaceful.

When her cell phone rang it scared her and she nearly dropped her guitar. Sitting it aside, she expected to see Glenda's number on the caller id but it was actually one she didn't recognize. Flipping the phone open, she answered with a low _hello_.

"Hey." It was Rachel. Surprisingly. "I—did I wake you? I got your number earlier from your friend Toby. I hope you don't mind me calling you."

"No…I don't mind." She replied. "And yeah I was awake."

"Good." Pause. "I'll be honest with you. I—Brooke isn't here. We got into this huge fight and she packed a bag and left to stay with her boyfriend…" Her voice dropped. "I'm by myself…"

Ripley reached down and scratched Icarus behind his ears. "I'm sure Brooke will be back once she calms down."

Rachel snorted. "Maybe. But she's really mad at me." She sighed deeply. "She's dating Mr. Chavez."

The blonde blinked in shock. "Our English teacher? Wow that's…a bold move."

The redhead chuckled a little. "I guess. I set them up but I had _no _idea he would be teaching at our school. Anyway he—they were sneaking around and I didn't say anything because she was happy. But well, my Maxim spread came out and I was really excited about it—and people were asking for autographs and shit. Did you see it? I'll get you a copy if you want."

Interesting. "Sure, get me one."

"I'll bring it tomorrow." Rachel cleared her throat. "Anyway Mr. Chavez took it from me and we sorta exchanged some snippy words. He made me stay after class so that he could insult me. I'm not innocent in this either, I mean I was totally baiting him about screwing Brooke but I wasn't going to tell anyone. When he asked me what I wanted I told him that I just wanted him to treat Brooke with respect and make sure she didn't get into trouble."

"That was sweet of you."

"I guess." She didn't sound too convinced. "The problem is he hit on me. He pushed me against the door and—well anyway I told Brooke and she didn't believe me. I went to the principal hoping it would seem more—I don't know—formal but that just made her angrier because Nick got suspended. Then apparently Nick told her that _I_ hit on him and I think you can guess what happened. She was _so _mad at me and brought up everything I did to her before we were friends."

Ripley would never look at Mr. Chavez the same again. "Is that why you were upset earlier?"

"Part of it." Rachel whispered. "And I know I don't have a right to be calling you after what I did. But I didn't have anyone else to talk to. I'm _so_sorry, Ripley. If you want I'll tell everyone tomorrow we're not together."

"That's okay." The blonde smirked and switched the phone to her left ear. "Ya know Brooke is just angry but she'll cool down and things will be okay."

Rachel was silent for a moment before asking, "What if it isn't? What if she continues to believe him and never comes home? I—I don't know if I can stay here by myself anymore. It's so big and—and sometimes I hear things but I'm too scared to go check them out because what if someone has gotten in and what if they…"

"Rachel, _breathe_." Ripley sat up straighter. She could tell the other girl was on the verge of another panic attack. "Do you want me to come over?"

"You'd do that?" She inquired timidly. "Wouldn't you get in trouble for sneaking out?"

The blonde considered this. "Not if I leave a note and say a friend is in trouble."

"I'm your…friend?"

"I suppose you are."

The redhead sniffed as if fighting back tears. "Why are you being so nice to me? Trust me when I say that I don't deserve it. I've done horrible things."

Rubbing the back of her neck, Ripley sighed. "Yeah well, lots of people have. We're human and we fuck up, it's our thing."

She snickered faintly. "Yeah. I kinda excel at it too."

Shivering from a wayward breeze, Ripley pulled the blanket she'd brought out with her around her shoulders. "Do you like baked chicken in a creamy champagne sauce?"

A beat. "Um I've never had it. Why?"

"It's my night to cook tomorrow and I was thinking you could join us." _What are you even doing? _"If you wanted."

"I—" Rachel exhaled. "Okay."

Ripley smiled. "Cool."

There was silence on the other end for a moment and then Rachel was murmuring, "She's here. Brooke I mean. I—I think I should go talk to her."

"Yeah I think you should." The blonde said. "Just make sure that she knows what you did was out of love and not spite. That you didn't want her to be hurt because you care about her. I don't know who could reject someone loving them enough to tell the truth, even though they know they could be hated for it."

"Ugh you're so smart it's kinda annoying." She mused, sounding much like her old self. "Thanks, Ripley. I owe you one."

"You're welcome. Bye." The blonde hung out after the other girl echoed the same.

Ripley's parents had taught her tolerance from an early age which is why she'd felt no apprehension about coming out to them. She'd known if anyone had her back it would be her family. It's why she wasn't quick to judge someone and why she tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone but most. Rachel using her to give people a thrill had not been right but compared to what some people did it was small chickens. But probably more than that she found it hard to deny someone comfort when they were in pain. Evil people sure but Rachel wasn't evil, just lost. That was so blatantly obvious that she wondered why more people didn't pick up on it.

It appears that even when everyone could see you, you could still be utterly invisible.

* * *

><p>Rachel was used to always having the spotlight on her so she wasn't easily ruffled. She was used to thinking on her toes and rolling with the punches when something unexpected happened. She didn't get a case of nerves to often and if she did she managed to bury them deep. However as she stood outside of the Sinclair home, looking up at the blue shutters and fairy shaped wind chimes she felt butterflies in her stomach. The house wasn't as grand as hers but it was nice and obviously well taken care of. She couldn't believe she was <em>here<em> though; the only people who usually invited her over for dinner were guys and that was _usually _code for sex.

Smoothing down her dark green tank top, she knocked on the door and waited. A tall blonde opened the door about two minutes later, her long hair pinned back off her high cheek bones. She had crystal clear blue eyes much like Ripley and it didn't take a genius to realize that this was her mother. "Hello. You must be Rachel."

Rachel offered up a little smile. "Yeah."

"I'm Tabitha. Come in, come in." She stepped to the side so that she could enter.

Upon slipping inside and into the living room, the first things she saw were photos on the wall and above the fire place. She didn't mean to be rude but she migrated to them, staring at the smiling faces and chubby cheeked babies. At the little girl with pale hair making a curious expression as she pointed at some type of crab. In fact a lot of the pictures had the little girl making a similar expression; it was kinda adorable. There were also pictures of family outings and birthday parties, of weddings and elementary school graduations.

But out of all of them the drawings caught her eye the most. Each member of the family had been hand drawn in careful, lovely detail.

"Those are my favorite too." Tabitha mused behind her. "Rip did those when she was sixteen. We had them laminated so that just in case they got wet they wouldn't get ruined."

"She's really talented." Rachel said slowly.

Tabitha grinned proudly. "Mhm. So Rip tells us that you're a Ravens' cheerleader. You girls have had a lot to cheer about lately. I should say now don't mind my husband if he starts in on his basketball talk. He's obsessed."

"And now I know why my ears are burning." Said the tall dark and handsome man who entered the room from the hallway. "I'm Jeffery, Rip's dad by the way."

He was very good looking. If he'd been anyone else's father Rachel probably would have went after him. "Nice to meet you."

"Hey Rip! Rachel's here!" Jeffery yelled up the stairs. When there was no reply, he snorted. "Meadow! Tell your sister that Rachel is here!"

"She must be working on that song again." Tabitha mused. "Oh! Where is my head, do you want anything to drink? Rip is making dinner but she disappeared while the food is cooking. She does that."

Rachel shook her head. "No I—I'll just wait until the food is ready I guess."

Tabitha nodded and headed into the kitchen, motioning for Rachel to follow which she did. There were potted plants hanging in the corner and a small windowsill garden under a wide square window where sunlight filtered in. On the stove were several steaming pots and inside the oven something was baking. On the other side of the kitchen through an archway was the dining room where the table was already set. It was like walking into one of those family movies on Lifetime or something. Rachel's family stopped eating dinner together when she was around ten unless they went to a fancy restaurant where her parents would then proceed to ignore her and sip their wine.

Tabitha Sinclair was a beautiful woman, warm unlike her own mother. She had a friendly smile and fair skin, and the same odd type of ethereal looks that Ripley and her little sister possessed. It was weird because Jeffery Sinclair looked like a real man's type man. Strong with work calloused hands and that _everyone deserves a fair share _air about him. Unlike her own father who only wore expensive suits or polo shirts.

Ripley entered the room a bit later with a dog trailing behind her wearing comfortable looking plaid pajama bottoms and a white tank top, her hair up in a messy ponytail. "Hey."

Rachel smiled softly. "Hey there."

"Hope my parents haven't been annoying you." She picked up a wooden spoon and peeped into a pot.

The redhead chuckled. "No they're cool. Um, I saw your drawings of them. They're really good."

"Thanks." The blonde yawned and tasted whatever she was making. "It's ready."

Dinner went off without a hitch and Rachel found that she actually liked Ripley's parents and sister. They joked around and riffed on each other but you could tell it was all done out of love. And the meal Ripley made was delicious, and she didn't feel self conscious about eating as much as she wanted. There was no one there to tsk at her or give her a critical eye when she took more than three bites. In a way though it hurt to see a family obviously so in sync with each other because it made her realize even more just how screwed up her own was.

But they were so…normal. Jeffery Sinclair owned a body shop that repaired cars and Tabitha owned her own bakery. They'd been married for twenty-five years and hoped for twenty-five more. And they obviously had no issues with Ripley being gay. Their total acceptance was something Rachel had never experienced before with anyone really. She could always be more; prettier or friendlier or skinnier.

She couldn't help but bit a little jealous of Ripley and her sister. They didn't have her money or her popularity but they were happy. She couldn't boast the same.


	4. I Don't Mind, I Don't Care, As Long As

**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters. They belong to One Tree Hill/The CW. All song lyrics and titles belong to their respective owners.

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews, everyone!

Chapter Four: I Don't Mind, I Don't Care, As Long As You're Here

The only bad thing about staying up until odd hours of the night, hunched over a drawing pad with smudged fingers was of course the morning after. Ripley had a sore neck that gave an annoying twinge whenever she tilted her head to the side and she was _fond_ of tilting her head to the side. But sitting there in the quad humming idly and doodling stick people during her study period helped her to not think about it.

She was supposed to be writing songs but she felt a little burnt out on it really. Besides the band hadn't performed in a while because Eric had cut his finger and apparently it hurt for him to pluck at the guitar strings. Everyone suggested a pik but he claimed they didn't feel right—that he liked the vibrations on his bare hands. He was being a weirdo but he was _their _weirdo so they allowed it.

School was particularly boring for Ripley even though she was a good student. It wasn't that she didn't feel challenged or anything, she just hated it. She did her work because she basically had to—same reason she showed up of course—but she'd never been someone who enjoyed school. A trait she shared with her siblings. In a way she felt like she could be doing better things than sitting in a classroom for most of the day staring at a chalkboard. She could be using that time to learn new things.

She kinda wanted to learn to play the drums.

_Maybe after graduation_.

So far her plans for after high school consisted of sleeping late and helping out at her mom's bakery. She'd entertained the notion of maybe going to Europe once but it was just a written down thought in her journal. Go to Amsterdam and smoke some _real _weed; that sort of thing.

Chuckling at her thoughts, she sat her notebook to the side and stretched her arms high over her head. Her neck protested the movement and she huffed, slouching back against the picnic table she was currently sitting on. It was a really nice day—still warm—but she preferred the winter months. Soon it would be time for Thanksgiving and Christmas and honestly she couldn't wait. She was a slim person but she could put away food like a man her father's size. It was a running joke that she used steal food from Meadow when they were little but she never actually did.

Except once and it was a Twinkie. A big ass pink Twinkie.

Running a hand through her golden locks, she fiddled with the charm on her necklace and watched as Rachel began to make her way over. Dinner with her was nice and they'd made plans to do it again. Whether they _actually _did remained to be seen. Ripley had a feeling Rachel wasn't into the whole family/togetherness thing. Then again not many people her age were these days and that was fair. A lot of their parents weren't around anyway. Haley's parents were gone, Peyton's dad was in California and Brooke's parents were in Miami or whatever. While Nathan's mom and dad were actually around he probably wished they weren't considering how plastered his mother was said to be all of the time, and how fake his father seemed. Apparently the only good parental figure besides hers was Lucas' mom, Karen.

"Hey." She said with a big smile. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

Ripley shrugged. "Study period and I have nothing to study. So I came out here to mess around."

Rachel nodded. "Sounds good to me." She dropped her bag and plopped down on the bench. "So are you going to the awards dinner thing?"

The blonde stifled a yawn with her hand. "Yup. My dad usually gets tickets because he's on some board or whatever and he's asked me to go since my mom and sister really don't give a crap about basketball."

Rachel chuckled softly. "Well I was thinking maybe we could go dress shopping together if you're into that…"

Ripley tilted her head to the side and winced but replied, "Okay. I do have permission to get something sparkly and nice. You're not going with Brooke though?"

"Great! And, no. She's actually putting the banquet together so she's not gonna have time." Rachel said happily. "What's up with your neck?"

"Oh I was up sketching and now it's all screwed." She made a face. "It happens sometimes. Nothing a hot towel won't cure when I get home. Or some of that old man cream my dad pretends he doesn't have."

The redhead motioned for her to turn around. "Let me rub it for you. I've been told I'm pretty good with my hands."

Ripley held in a snort but did as she was asked, pulling her hair over one shoulder. "Don't paralyze me."

Rachel hit her lightly and then started to massage her neck, her long slender fingers coaxing tight muscles to yield. "I had fun with your family…"

"They liked you too." Ripley smiled as her body relaxed. "My mom wants you to know you are welcomed back anytime you want."

Dragging her thumbs in a circular motion, Rachel bit her bottom lip. "I don't want to impose or wear _out _my welcome. I don't really get invited to many sit down dinners. By girls or guys."

Lowering her head, Ripley stared at her black sneakers. She could feel the twinge slowly being lulled away. "I doubt that will happen here. My parents dig you and, I mean, friends have dinner at each others' houses."

"I keep forgetting we're _friends_."

"Why? You're friends with Brooke."

"Yeah but Brooke and I started out hating each other. It's what I'm used to. But you—you're all nice or whatever."

"Would you rather I called you a whore?"

"No! C'mon you know what I mean. _This _is new to me. I know it sounds stupid but after all of my surgeries and shit I stopped having friends that were girls. The only reason Brooke is friends with me is because she thinks she is prettier than me."

Ripley laughed out a low _mmm_. "So you think that I must not think that..?"

Rachel smirked and her hands drifted from the other girl's neck to her shoulders. "No you think it too but you're blonde so it's expected." Pause. "Seriously though, I just don't wanna… After what you did for me in the bathroom I don't wanna turn you into an enemy."

The blonde glanced at her before smiling. _I get the feeling Rachel is never this honest, not even with herself. _"No worries, Gatina. I'll never have a boyfriend for you to steal so we're okay."

"Oh shut up!" Rachel rolled her eyes but her tone was playful. "Keep talking like that and I _will _paralyze you."

Ripley patted her knee in a placating gesture that made them both grin. It wasn't hard to get the vibe that Rachel was probably lonely. Naturally Brooke had other things to do and on her mind so she wasn't around as much. It was just a little odd that the redhead wasn't out with some guy like she would have been in the past. Maybe she was maturing though.

_Or maybe she's been through all of the guys. Man that was bitchy to think._

"What's going on here?"

Jerked from her thoughts, Ripley lifted her head to see her ex girlfriend standing over her with her arms crossed over her gray t-shirt. She was a petite female with long cold black hair, piercing dark brown eyes and smooth olive toned skin. There was a point in time when Ripley found her to be the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen. When her types were just developing she was quite sure that Ella Cortez was everything she was looking. Smart, funny, artistic and kind—utterly perfect.

Until she wasn't anymore.

"Ella. I didn't see you come up." Ripley arched a brow. "How are things?"

Ella frowned deeply. "That's all you have to say to me? _How are things_?"

_Oh god. _"Is there something else I should be saying to you?"

Ella snorted. "Well for one you could explain why you apparently broke up with me for a whore."

"Hey!" Rachel shouted. "Who the hell are you?"

"Ella, Rachel and I aren't dating." Ripley replied, slightly embarrassed. "And Rachel this is my ex, Ella."

"If you're not dating why is she molesting you in public?" The other girl inquired snottily. "Seriously, Rip, _this _is the best you could do? When you said you wanted something different I assumed you meant possibly not as focused on academics as I was. Not some slut who should have a mattress strapped to her back."

Rachel stood abruptly. "I'm going to kick your ass!"

_What is happening right now?_ Quickly extracting herself from the bench, Ripley put herself between the two girls. "Look Ella you don't know Rachel okay so you shouldn't be so mean. She's a nice person and we're _just_hanging out together." Wetting her lips, she met her gaze. "And even if we weren't it's not really any of your business."

Ella balked, clearly shocked. "_None of my business_? We dated for two years! We were talking about going to the same school and—and then—"

"No. _You_ were talking about us going to the same school and living together. I made it clear that was thinking _way _too far into the future for me. I don't know where I'm gonna be next summer let alone four years from now." Ripley interrupted. "We wanted different things and there is nothing wrong with that. It's all part of growing up."

"So now you want _her_?" Ella sneered. "Good luck getting those germs off you." With a flick of her hair she turned and stomped away, disappearing back into the school.

Ripley watched her go and shook her head; _and my neck hurts again. Perfect. _"I'm sorry about that. She used to be normal."

Rachel huffed. "Somehow I don't believe that."

"School started to get to her. Things used to be mellow and then we got more work to do and her parents really want her to _be_something. Next thing you know she's planning her entire life and mine as well." A beat. "So I broke it off."

"Looks like you did the right thing." Picking up her bag and yanking out the _Maxim _she'd promised, she handed it to Ripley. "Here ya go. I'll meet you at the mall tonight at about seven. Later."

Ripley nodded and slouched back to her seat, smoothing a hand across her forehead before flipping through the glossy pages. Rachel looked amazing—naturally—and it took a brave person to be half naked on the cover of a magazine. She had a feeling the interview was going to be quite interesting.

_Ella would never do anything like this._

It was bad to say but Ella's behavior wasn't exactly unexpected. She'd taken the break up pretty hard but mostly because it had thrown off her _plan_ . The one where they both go to Stanford or something and live together for a few years before getting married and adopting two Chinese babies. Sure she wanted a life and a family but she was _eighteen_and that stuff just seemed so far away.

It wasn't weird for seniors to be thinking about the rest of their lives but she just wasn't that in depth with it. If she went to college then that was fine and if she didn't, she'd find something else to do. Her parents would love and support whatever decision she made. Ella couldn't say the same and it put how she reacted to certain situations into perspective. _She probably thinks we'll get back together after graduation._

Before Mr. and Mrs. Cortez decided they wanted their little girl to be a doctor or a lawyer, things were pretty regular in their relationship. Ripley could remember when they would just hang out in her tree house or troll the mall for a couple of hours. Swimming at the docks in the summer and snowman building in the winter; they had the most normal lives. And then their relationship moved to the next level—sex—which also turned out to be pretty damned awesome. Ripley did things with Ella she'd only see online. And yeah a part of her still loved her even now but it would have been stupid to lead her on or promise something she couldn't deliver on. Ella would find another girlfriend, probably in college and get the life she wanted.

For that to happen to Ripley she first had to figure out _what _it was she actually wanted.

"_Believe it or not_, was that Ella I saw storming off?" Glenda asked as she walked over, black painted lips curled into a smile. "Please don't tell me I missed some awesome drama."

Ripley pushed her gently. "Ella thinks I'm dating Rachel."

Glenda laughed. "And lemme guess, she was _not _happy about it?"

The blonde pretended to be surprised. "How did you know?"

Her best friend shrugged. "I'm just that good. And you have been spending a lot of time with the man eater lately."

_Oy._ "As _friends_."

The other girl stared at her. "Since when did you guys become friends though? We used to talk about people like her."

"It just happened." Ripley's stomach growled and she reached in her pocket for change to hit up the vending machines. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Ooh touchy." Glenda knew when to back off however. "Let's go get something to eat and I can tell you what horrible names my mom called me last night."

The blonde's expression softened and she slipped an arm around her friend's shoulders. "I'll buy."

* * *

><p><em>My dad looks like James Bond in his suit.<em>

Sitting at their round table in the lavishly decorated banquet hall, Ripley had to admit that she really liked functions where she could dress up and stuff. With her long blonde hair curled and pinned behind her head and her mother's diamond earrings on, she sort of felt like a princess. It hadn't taken her a long time to find her dress when she and Rachel went shopping. While the redhead decided on a beautiful low cut dark blue flowy gown with beige straps, she opted for a black ruffled neck two piece with a sparkly silver bottom that matched the designs on the top.

Most people didn't realize it _was_ a two piece however and that's what she liked about it. She'd almost gotten something more hippie but Rachel insisted she get _this_ instead and after trying it on, she agreed.

The room was already filled with people, old and young in their party best. Well except for Haley who looked a little frazzled if anything in her sleek orangey dress. It was probably her hair. Brooke was wearing black with some type of circle print on the skirt part and Mouth's date Gigi was wearing a pretty metallic blue. The guys were in simple suits and ties, and for some reason Skillz was missing.

"Karen looks gorgeous." Mr. Sinclair said idly. "Not as gorgeous as my little girl but you know."

Ripley grinned. "She does look really pretty. I love that shade of purple." Scratching her nails over her tiny tote, she sighed. _God I want a pizza._ "Do they serve food at this thing?"

He nodded. "Yeah. After the awards are given out which should be soon." Pause. "Ripley, can I ask you something?"

_Serious voice._ "Of course daddy."

Her father smirked but soldiered on. "Are you and Rachel a couple?"

Ripley made a face. "No. Why does everyone keep asking me that? She's straight you know."

He took a sip of his champagne. "Perhaps. You just seem to have a good time with her. Anyway your mother wanted to know and told me to ask you."

Uh huh. "Well no we're just friends. Honestly she—she comes off as this terrible person but I think that's just a defense thing." Her eyes drifted to table five where Rachel sat with the celebrities of Tree Hill and a black guy named Derek that she'd discovered was Peyton's _real_ brother. "And she doesn't have a lot of friends. Real ones."

Mr. Sinclair sighed deeply and kissed her temple. "You know you take that after your mother. She's always trying to help hurt birds and lost causes."

"Rachel didn't break her wing on my windshield."

"True. But that doesn't mean she's not hurt in some other way. Nothing wrong with wanting to help, Rip. I love that you have such a big heart."

"Yeah yeah." Ripley licked her lips and ignored when he chuckled. "I'm gonna get some punch."

Getting up, she carefully maneuvered around the people sitting down and made her way over to the refreshments table. Peyton in her v-neck suede hunter green dress was currently pouring herself and her brother a cup. When she noticed Ripley she poured her one as well and handed it over with a small smile.

"Thanks." Ripley said taking it. It was blue. "You look nice."

"You too." Peyton replied. "I love your dress. I never think I can pull off a two piece."

"I wasn't sure I could either but I like it." She giggled softly. "So um, your brother is a Marine?"

Peyton nodded slowly. "Yeah. He had to be all flashy and wear his uniform."

Ripley snickered. "My dad was in the Marines."

That got Derek's attention. "Oh really? I should go over and say hello."

Heh. "He'd like that."

Excusing himself, Derek strolled over to where her father sat and Ripley idly sipped her punch which was in fact kool-aid. She wasn't the nosy type but it was obvious there was tension at table five. "You okay?"

Peyton smiled a little at being so easy to read. "Is it that obvious?"

"Not really. I mean I just sort of get the impression that there is a little cloud over you table." The other blonde mused. "And I would be lying if I said I didn't know some of what's been going on. People talk of course."

"Yeah. No I—I'm okay." She pressed her lips together. "Just gotta get through tonight and then tomorrow and the next day."

_I know that feeling all too well._ "You know I thought it was awesome how you stripped down after someone defaced your locker. It was bad ass."

Peyton blushed slightly. "I'm surprised I didn't get expelled or something. But I was tired of the bullshit. So what if I was gay? I don't understand why people have to be such bigots about it."

Ripley didn't understand it either but she had a few inklings. If they weren't in the closet themselves they clearly were misinformed and had too much hate in their hearts. Racists and homophobes were two groups of people she had no patience or tolerance for. There were more but so far she'd only encountered assholes taunting her about her sexual preference. When she got an archaic boss who thought she couldn't work as well as a man she'd add it to the list.

She'd probably have a long list before she died.

* * *

><p>After watching Lucas present his brother with the MVP award, the food was served and everyone just sort of migrated around after eating. Ripley found that the fancy chicken with its little leaf didn't fill her up at all and figured she would have no trouble convincing her father to snag a pizza on their way home.<p>

Fifteen minutes later after a few more awards were given out Principle Turner was giving the lifetime achievement award to the basketball coach Whitey Durham. The crowd gave the husky ball man a standing ovation; he was so well loved by the community. Ripley knew her dad and the others were all thinking the same thing—who would take over when he retired at the end of the season?

Whitey ambled up to the podium and shook hands with the Principle before waving for everyone to sit down. "You do realize we have one more game to play?" People chuckled and he continued. "Let me tell you, this award means an awful lot to me. I might have given a lifetime to this team, but the players, the players have given me so much more. You know, basketball was my first love. And, as most of you in here realize, you don't forget your first love. My only regret is that I can't share this wonderful moment with the other love of my life, my late wife, Camilla."

Exhaling deeply, he rubbed a hand across his mouth. "Camilla was the only person who ever fully understood me. Being with her made everything else seem less important. The moment I met her, I knew that I was looking at my future." As he teared up, others did the same and Ripley glanced to her father knowing that he was probably thinking about her mom right now. "And I knew no person could _ever_ come between us. I know Camilla would have liked this group of boys. I want to thank them, and I want to thank all of you, for allowing me to spend a lifetime with my first love. Thank you."

Erupting into applauds again, the blonde watched as Whitey took his seat and wiped at his wet eyes. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and wondered if she would ever find a love like that. Not many people did to be honest and some of those that managed let it slip through their fingers. But she was well adjusted and open so she figured that one day she'd meet the girl that would shine brighter than all the others. And maybe they'd be to each other what her parents were. What Whitey and his wife were.

"Tree Hill is never gonna have another coach like him." Her father replied. "He was so dedicated to the work and you could tell he really enjoyed it."

"Maybe you could do it." She suggested.

"Nah." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I doubt I would have the time but it's a nice idea. I think I'll wait until you or Meadow have kids and then maybe teach little league."

"You'll be waiting a long time if Meadow marries Patrick." She teased and he laughed. "You ready to go? I'm kinda starving."

Mr. Sinclair glanced to his watch. "Yeah just let me congratulate Whitey first and then we can head out."

He pushed his chair back and stood, pulling out hers before heading over to the Raven's coach. Ripley frowned at the stickiness on her hands and hummed as she strolled into the ladies room and up to the sinks. She drowned her fingers in liquid soap and turned on the hot water, scrubbing away the sauce and dessert from their meal. _At least I got to dress up all pretty._

Suddenly someone in one of the stalls retched before emptying their stomach. Throwing up was gross but Ripley had long decided that if she had to vomit to feel better, then bring it on. Usually after doing so she would feel a little better especially if she had a stomach virus. Though thankfully she only got sick if her father got sick and _he_ wasn't that prone to germs. Every once and a while he got a cold, and then proceeded to turn into a five year old so that her mother would wait on him.

More nasty _urgs_ sounded and the girl (since it was the ladies' room) groaned before flushing the toilet. A few minutes later she emerged into the open, looking pale and sullen, grabbing a paper towel to pat at her mouth.

"Please tell me that's not from anything they served tonight."

Rachel shook her head slowly. "No I—I'v been getting sick off and on for a while now."

Ripley dried her hands. "You should go to the doctor."

Ducking down to check and make sure they were alone, Rachel wet her lips. "I think I might be pregnant."

The blonde blinked, her blue eyes stretching twice their size. Immediately she wondered who the father was and when had it happened but she pushed those thoughts aside for now. "Um wh—why do you think that? I mean are you like late or whatever?"

"I haven't been regular for a while because of the weight loss but I—I've been having morning sickness. I'm good at hiding it or throwing it off as a hangover but…" She swallowed hard, her lashes becoming wet. "God, what if I am? What the fuck am I gonna do? I'd have to get rid of it before anyone found out. My parents would kill me if they found out! This could ruin my whole life!"

_Whoa. This is getting a little too after school special for me. Then again is it really that different from talking Glenda down from matricide when her mom pisses her off?_ "Hey calm down. You don't know for sure so there is no reason to freak out. And if you are there are like, ya know, things you can do. Not like this is the dark ages where you'd be taken to a nunnery for the next nine months."

Rachel leaned against the counter. "This is karma for all of the bad shit I keep doing. Next I'm probably gonna get like herpes or full blown AIDS."

Ripley squeezed her shoulder. "You're not gonna get AIDS." Pause. "Though you should tell Brooke maybe for moral support."

The redhead wiped at her soft cheeks. "No, no way. Wh—when I thought she was pregnant I was horrible to her. I told her she'd be a terrible mother and kept—kept pushing abortion on her. Plus sometimes she has a big mouth so she might tell." Next she was facing her friend. "You've gotta help me. I know I don't deserve it—you're way too good to be my friend—I—"

_This is a one sided friendship._ "Look go home, get some ginger ale or something and I'll come by later with a pregnancy test. Then you can know for sure."

Rachel hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much! I won't forget this I promise."

_We'll see._

When she met her dad outside at his truck, Ripley requested that he stop at the drug store before heading to the pizza place. "You feeling bad?" He inquired. "Or is this female stuff?"

She laughed. "Uh I'm going over to Rachel's after we eat and she asked if I could bring her something."

He arched a brow. "Your nose is twitching, Rip. What's up?"

Grumbling, she toed off her heels. Ever since she was a little kid she had this tell that gave away whenever she had big news. Big maybe not good news like when she lost her hamster (he was later found safe and sound in a cabinet) or when she took her bike apart to make a rocket. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone. Not even mom."

"Okay but this better not be drug related."

"It's not."

"What is it then?"

"I need to buy Rachel a pregnancy test."

Jeffery looked at her and remained quiet until pulling into the parking lot of the Rite-Aid. "I know we tease Meadow a lot because of her _Clean Teen_ boyfriend but that wasn't really a challenge thrown to you."

"Ha. Ha." She deadpanned. "I don't know what is going on with her because we haven't been friends that long but it's like she doesn't have anyone else. And she doesn't wanna tell Brooke."

"Jesus." He whispered. "I like Rachel—what I gleamed from dinner at least—but she sounds like trouble. She _looks_ like trouble. Still I know you'd do the same thing for Glenda if she asked so go on. Could you at least make it clear to Mr. Glaston that it's not for you though?"

Chuckling, she kissed his cheek with a big _muah_ and hopped out of the vehicle. "I'll tell him it's for mom!"

* * *

><p>Brooke hadn't made it home yet and Rachel was very glad because she didn't need her roommate asking her why she'd scrubbed herself nearly raw in the shower or why she'd drank almost half a carton of orange juice. She loved Brooke—she'd never tell her—but she did and she was entering into tutoring for her sake, but she just didn't feel like answering any questions right now. She felt bad enough as it was.<p>

Stupid and pathetic and with a now _constant_ reminder of that fucken asshole. The thought of him having _left_ something inside of her almost made her want to throw up again. Almost made her want to punch herself in to the stomach or fall down the stairs just to get rid of it. God it was like a parasite feeding off of her, stealing her life force away. Contaminating her with its evilness. With _him_.

She hated him. If it were possible to kill him and get away with it she would. She should try anyway, not like she had anything worth living for. No one that would miss her if she went to jail for the rest of her life.

_"Look, I will tutor you on three conditions. The first one is that you have to work around my schedule. I'm working a ton of hours right now, and I really don't care if it disrupts your social life. The second is, if you miss one session, it's over. Got it?"_

_"Got it. What's the third condition?"_

_"No matter how nice I seem, you have to remember that I can't stand you."_

From Haley's lips to everyone's ears.

_Ding! Dong!_

Smoothing down her long pretty hair, she walked to the front door and opened it. "Hey. I—I didn't think you'd really come."

Ripley, dressed in pajama bottoms and a hoodie jiggled the brown paper bag in her hand. "I'm here and I brought your test. How are you feeling?"

She shrugged and let her in. "Honestly? Petrified." She took the bag and reached inside, looking at the test. "Guess I should—should go and um do my thing. C'mon."

When upstairs, Rachel fled into the bathroom and stared at the test for a good five minutes before forcing herself to complete the directions. Then she washed her hands and began to pace in front of the mirror. "Hey Ripley, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Voiced the blonde as she surveyed the clothes in her friend's closet.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked slowly. "I—we hardly know each other and I wasn't exactly good to you. I used you to be more popular with guys and I said something hurtful. Yet here you are, sticking by me for some strange reason. I'm toxic."

"I've met worse." Ripley responded. "And you did apologize."

"Yeah but if—if you knew half of the shit I've done…" Trailing off, she looked at her reflection. _You're a filthy, stupid waste of space. You don't even deserve to be on this planet._ "I tried to kill myself once."

"Why?" Ripley asked gently. "Because of your weight?"

"Yeah." Opening the bathroom door, she flopped down onto her bed. "After is actually when my mom suggested the surgeries. I took a handful of her sleeping pills and had to have my stomach pumped. My parents were like, what were you thinking? Do you know what people would have said if you succeeded?"

The blonde sat down beside her. "Don't take this the wrong way but your parents seem like bitches."

Rachel laughed but agreed. "They are. I think they love me but…they love their independence more. Sometimes I think it would've been better to just have never been born." Shivering she placed a hand to her stomach. "Brooke would have been a great mom. I'm the one who'd screw up some kid even worse than _I'm_ screwed up. I've never loved anything—no that's a lie. I loved Cooper and he left. Treated me like every other guy."

Ripley reached up and tucked red strands back. "Rachel, if you hate the way people see you why don't you just change? Stop with the guys and the smart comments. Just be _you_."

Tears made tracks down her cheeks. "I—I don't know who I am anymore. God why am I telling you all of this? _Brooke_ doesn't even know this."

The blonde embraced her for a sideways hug. "I have one of those faces." Pause. "I think it's been five minutes. You…want me to look?"

"Please?"

Ripley went into the bathroom and read the back of the box, and then checked the white stick. She ran both hands through her silky golden hair before replying, "It's positive."

Crumbling like wet dirt, Rachel sunk to the floor and started to openly cry great rocking sobs that shook her from her head to her toes. A little voice kept saying over and over in her mind that _this is what you get. This is what you get for being such a slut. _And it was right. Everything that was happening she'd brought it all onto herself.

She didn't pull away when Ripley hugged her even though she felt like she should. That it was all fake and tomorrow she'd be the laughing stock of Tree Hill; stupid knocked up whore that probably had no idea who her baby daddy was.

Ripley shifted and gently drew the other girl into her across her lap, rubbing her back soothingly. "Shh it's okay. Everything is going to be okay."

_No. It'll never be okay again._ "I—what am I—I gonna d—do?"

Her friend tilted her head to the side. "Well you could have it or give it up for adoption or abort it."

She sniffled, her fingers dug into the carpet. "Do you think it would be awful to _not_ have it?"

"I'm pro choice and this is your decision. Obviously it's not an easy one to make."

"What would you do?"

"I dunno. I might be shocked considering I don't sleep with guys but it depends on the situation."

"You'd keep it. You—you'd keep it and love it and it would grow up weird and smart just like you."

"Ya know we don't have to repeat the mistakes of our parents."

"But their mistakes are all I know. N—no I think it's better if I get an abortion."

Ripley nodded. "Okay sweetie."

Sitting up, Rachel grabbed a tissue from the box on her bedside table and dabbed at her eyes. "Thanks for not preaching at me." Biting her bottom lip, she leaned into Ripley's space to kiss her.

Ripley jerked away. "Whoa, what are you going?"

"I—" She looked lost. "I just wanna do something for you since you're being so nice to me."

The blonde scratched at her neck. "I'm being nice because we're friends, not because I'm hitting on you. If you wanna give me something, you could let me borrow your clothes."

Rachel gulped in air. _Even the lesbian doesn't want you. No one really does. You're unlovable._ "Is it—is it cause I'm a whore? Is that why you don't want me?"

Ripley frowned. "What? No. You're not a whore. I'm just—I'm not gonna take something from you. That's the problem; guys have been taking and taking from you for so long that you think that's all you're worth. And it's bullshit. So look, if you want me to go with you to the clinic then I will and _not_ cause I'm trying to get in your pants but cause I wanna. No one should be scared, alone and pregnant."

"Okay." The redhead said softly. "Thank you."

It was selfish but she was steadily starting to regard her relationship with Ripley as _hers_. Brooke and the others didn't know about it yet, not how deep it was getting anyway, and she liked that. It didn't say wonderful things about her but she was used to that by now.


	5. I'm Better Off When I Hit The Bottom

**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters. They belong to One Tree Hill/The CW. All song lyrics and titles belong to their respective owners.

Chapter Five: I'm Better Off When I Hit The Bottom

Stretched out on the side of Rachel's full sized bed, Ripley nibbled on her bottom lip and crossed out an entire line of the song that she was trying to write. It was somber in nature and although she had quite a few songs that were sad, she couldn't seem to focus and get her thoughts together. Eric often accused her of wanting a melody first which he felt was harder to do than simple lyrics. Not that he could talk since most of the songs he managed to write were about girls getting drunk and dancing on tables. She didn't necessarily want to be famous but she also didn't want to sing about stupid crap.

Snuggled up beside her was Rachel, clutching a teddy bear to her chest as she slept the sleep of the medicated. The slender fingers of Ripley's left hand were dragging through her soft red hair almost absently especially since she wasn't encountering any tangles. It was a friendly gesture but considering what they'd shared earlier she figured it was okay. Besides it was obvious that Rachel had not wanted to be alone.

Being that Tree Hill was a small sort of fishing town in North Carolina, a state known for often going red in political elections, Ripley was surprised when she discovered they actually _had_ a Planned Parenthood center. She wasn't surprised to hear however that someone had tried to have _certain services _revoked. Damn conservatives and their need to push their agendas on other people. Moving on though it was eleven miles from their sleepy little city which meant it wasn't big enough to have any morons outside protesting with signs of badly drawn fetuses with Xs for eyes. That meant they were dead of course.

As if the only thing people went there for were abortions. They also did HIV testing and contraceptives.

Instead of letting Rachel go by herself, she'd taken her and waited while the procedure was carried through. Afterwards when the redhead appeared sullen with tears in her eyes, Ripley had bundled her up and taken her home. Put her to bed and stuck around just in case she needed anything.

The world was a weird, weird place when you thought about it. You never knew what would happen next and if people had told her she'd one day be comforting _Rachel Gattina_ she would have laughed in their face. Okay she wouldn't have done that because she was not that kinda person but she would have been very amused. High school was all about cliques and belonging to the right ones, of which she _didn't_. Where she was right now—it was like she'd wandered into an alternate universe where people crossed the elite faction lines easily.

Shit like that only happened in the movies and to the precious few who moved to new schools and got new identities.

Yet it wasn't something Ripley was prepared to dwell on because she was in her senior year and soon none of it would matter anyway. So she could be Rachel's friend for the few remaining months they had left if that turned out to be the case. People would talk either way…they always did and most of what they said didn't mean a damn thing.

The house was quiet; Brooke still at school or out living her hectic life. She had no idea what her roommate had done and Ripley had a feeling she never would. Rachel played things so close to the vest because she was terrified of being hurt or perhaps of being seen as weak. It was sad that she didn't have at least one person she could be herself with.

The blonde didn't tell Glenda _everything_ but she knew a fair share of the fucked up details of her life. She knew that her poems and songs told the story of a girl who preferred art over any of the necessities she was supposed to need to survive in life. She knew that she sometimes studied and did her best and other times just coasted. But Ripley felt her family only knew _everything_. She'd always been able to talk to her mother and considered her one of her best friends. People often looked at her odd when she said that but it was the truth.

She was a child not a convenient thing to make her parents' lives better. They doted on her and trusted her to make good decisions because she always had. She had never been told _don't_ do drugs or _don't _ever have sex because it's evil. They realized early on there would be no need because she was smart enough to not let anyone pressure her into anything. She was strong enough to make her own decisions and too proud to be led around like a dog on a leash.

That wasn't to say that she didn't have bad qualities because she did. Everyone did. Ripley knew full well what her flaws were and what sin she would probably have to atone for the most. She could be prideful and she was definitely spiteful when it suited her. She didn't forgive—_ever_—and she didn't forget but she was able to hide her true emotions when she wanted to. She was spoiled and hated when she didn't get her way. But she liked to think her loyalty made up for stuff like that. At least to the people who honestly mattered.

Anyone else could go fuck themselves.

Dropping the pen from between her fingers, she ran her clear painted nails through her long golden waves and glanced to the girl curled up beside her. When she had decided to go with Rachel to the clinic, she'd looked up abortion stuff just to see what the deal was. There were several ways to abort a kid but the whole vacuum thing seemed to be the way most women went. The after effects were less severe. Still she had no idea who the father was and Rachel hadn't brought it up once.

_Maybe it was Cooper though if that were the case she probably would have kept it._

Strain on your heart as it could be, it was also somewhat of a medical marvel. People back in the day had _no_idea the way the world would change. It made her want to live forever to see what else people came up with. Hell there was a good chance she just might if someone found out the secret to eternal life before she kicked the bucket.

Rachel stirred next, blinking open big brown eyes to glance around in confusion before she realized what was going on. She sat up slowly and wiped at the side of her face, pushing stray strands of hair behind her ear. "What time is it?" Her voice was scratchy with sleep.

"Almost three." Ripley said looking at her watch. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." She whispered. "And a little out of it. But um, the doctor said I should be okay tomorrow. Maybe have some bleeding or cramping."

Ripley nodded. "Yeah sounds normal. You should probably take it easy."

Rachel sighed deeply. "Yeah." Pause. "Thanks for staying—you didn't have to."

"I know." The blonde crawled off the bed. "I didn't mind."

Fidgeting with the comforter, Rachel wet her lips slowly. "So you wanna stay for dinner? We could order in…my treat…"

"Sure." Ripley shrugged.

The other girl kept her eyes downcast as she climbed off the bed and hobbled into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Minutes later the sound of the shower could be heard and Ripley checked her messages, texting her sister that she would be home late so not to sit a place for her. She was in the middle of agreeing to wash dishes tomorrow when Brooke breezed into the room, all flowing brown hair dimpled smile.

"Rachel you better have a good reason for ditching school today and it better not contain the word _fat_." She stopped short after putting her bag down by the door. "And you're not Rachel. Ripley, right?"

The blonde grinned. "Yeah that's me. Rachel is in the shower."

Brooke's sculpted brows shot up into her hairline. "Oh. I uh—I didn't know you two were…"

_Heh. _"We're not. I assume she just felt dirty and needed a shower." A beat. "She said she was sick so I was just checking on her.

The brunette smirked. "That was nice of you. Peyton used to do the same for me before she became a backstabbing whore. Least you don't have to worry about that what with being a lesbian."

Ripley laughed lightly. "With my group of friends? No. The rest of the lesbian community however is another deal altogether. I mean everyone knows chicks are way worse than guys when it comes to stealing."

Brooke snickered. "You're funny, I like funny. I take it Rachel isn't using you anymore to make guys all tight in their jeans?"

The blonde shook her head. "No."

"Good. I told her that it was wrong. I mean I know we don't really _know _each other but I know what you went through when you first came out. I'm sorry."

"It's cool. Besides you've never shown me anything but kindness so you don't have anything to worry about."

"Still people can be such assholes. I've been the center of attention. I'm sure you remember the time capsule video…"

"You mean when you flashed your tatas to the entire school? Yeah I think I remember that. It was my screen saver for a while."

Giggling, Brooke pushed her lightly. Flirting but that was Brooke Davis for you. "You're terrible. But thank you for the compliment. Ugh, when Rachel gets out of the shower tell her to get her booty downstairs please." Winking, she turned and sashayed from the room.

* * *

><p>The beeping of the microwave awoke Tabitha Sinclair up at one am and she flowed out of bed, making her way downstairs and into the kitchen to find her middle child pulling the clear film off a small tray of macaroni and cheese and broccoli. She moved over to the island and sat down, tucking her robe around her legs.<p>

"Can't sleep or late night snack?"

Ripley grabbed a fork from the drawer. "Little of both I guess."

Her mother nodded. "What's on your mind, Rip?"

She hadn't told her about the whole pregnancy thing but she found herself suddenly with the urge to come clean. "Rachel is—_was—_pregnant. Today I went with her to the clinic."

Tabitha released a soft breath, clasping her hands together in front of her. "Is she alright?"

The younger blonde shrugged and started to eat. "She says she is but I don't know for sure. I mean physically she probably is but mentally? Emotionally? Well she tends to keep those types of things to herself. I'm the only one who even knew she was pregnant."

"Why do you think she trusted you with something so big?" Tabitha inquired.

_Good question._ "I don't know. I guess she knew I wouldn't go blabbing to the entire school about it. And I wouldn't say she _trusted _me."

"Of course she did." Pause. "I don't know much about her; I've _heard _things but you know I don't buy into idle gossip. However it's not like it's some big secret how she got drunk at Nathan and Haley's wedding and outed Cooper for sleeping with her. Still she seems like a troubled young woman."

_Understatement. _"Yup. She has some deep seated issues, Mom. I think it's because she used to be fat and, well, her parents are dicks. Before Brooke moved in with her she was just living in that big house all by herself. And she's been kicked out of like a lot of schools. Not to mention she was kinda a bitch to me when we first met." She shook her head. "Makes me wonder why I'm talking to her at all."

Tabitha smiled gently. "You like her. I get it; she's gorgeous."

Ripley groaned. "No. First of all she's straight and hopefully that is a phase I never go through. Second of all I would be insane to like her."

"Mh-hm. Then why are you helping her? And don't say it's because you're a sweet person…although that is true." She tapped her nails on the counter. "It's okay to like her, Rip. It doesn't mean you want to move in together or anything. She must like you too if she's letting you into some private moments concerning her life."

_Eh…_"I think I'm just easy to talk to."

Her mother squeezed her wrist. "True but people don't spill their guts to others just because they have kind faces. You know what I noticed when she was here? How she looked at everyone. I watched her from the corner of my eye and she seemed honestly surprised how we got along. I'm sure she comes off as strong and collected but you know that's not the truth. And knowing you, you treat her like the fragile person she really is."

Ripley frowned. "Shouldn't that piss her off though?"

Tabitha tilted her head to the side. "Not really. Imagine never having anyone take care of you before so you have to always take care of yourself. Depend on yourself. It hardens you and makes you strong but it also kinda damages you. Rachel is strong and independent but even strong independent people sometimes need a shoulder to lean on. Your father is one of the strongest men I know and yet when he's sick he wants to be doted on like a little baby."

Ripley sniggered but it was the truth. "Yeah. And okay I like being useful but if what you said is true, who's gonna take care of me when the time comes?"

"Depending on your relationship status with her, I think she could do it. Surely there is a part of her just _waiting _to prove she can."

"She is pretty nice to Brooke."

"Either way sweetheart, it's okay to like Rachel. As just a friend or more."

"She's kinda slutty. Wouldn't you rather I went after a _Clean Teen_?"

"Hah…I want you to go after whoever you want. And Patrick is a nice boy."

"Hey I didn't say he wasn't. I'm just mentioning how he is a teen that is clean."

"He makes your sister happy and that is good enough for me. Find someone who makes you happy and I'll say the same thing, even if they have green hair or whatever."

Ripley smiled and leaned across the countertop to kiss her mother on the cheek. "Why are you and dad so cool?"

Tabitha stood and stretched her arms over her head. "I don't know. Perhaps too much weed in the sixties." She chuckled at her daughter's expression and exited the kitchen, strolling back upstairs.

Ripley snorted under her breath and returned to her food, her thoughts colliding together in her brain. Everything her mother said made sense but she wasn't completely sold. But she could relent that she and Rachel were friends, and that one of the reasons she continued to be there for her was because she didn't seem to have anyone else. Except Brooke and maybe Mouth. Still she hadn't felt comfortable telling them about her pregnancy and there had to be a reason for that. Maybe she thought that they would judge her. _And it's not like she could be far off. Her relationship with Brooke was built on calling each other names. It was genuine but it was catty._

Oh well it didn't matter anymore cause there was no baby and Rachel would probably go back to being carefree and fabulous. And Ripley would discover her place in her life and if it had changed.

Finishing up her food, she rinsed the bowl and left it in the sink. Grabbing a bottle of juice from the fridge, she made her way back up to her room and flopped onto her bed, dragging her toes along her dog's fur when he ambled closer. Picking up the notebook on her pillow, she flipped to a clean page and tapped it with her ink pen before beginning to write:

I scraped my knees while I was praying  
>And found a demon in my safest haven, seems like<br>It's getting harder to believe (at all) in anything  
>Than just to get lost in my all selfish thoughts<br>I wanna know what it'd be like  
>To find perfection in my pride<br>To see nothing in the light  
>Or turn it off in all my spite<br>In all my spite I'll turn it off

[Chorus]

And the worst part is  
>Before it gets any better<br>We're headed for a (fall) cliff  
>And in the free fall I will realize<br>I'm better off when I hit the bottom

* * *

><p>The next day Ripley dragged herself to school after managing about five hours of sleep. The moment she parked her bike and climbed off she was accosted by Eric and Jeremy speaking at once, asking when they were going to get their <em>big break<em> to play at _Tric_. Obviously New Years would be the optimum time but no one had even broached the subject with Peyton! Which was how she found herself sprinting through the hallway to catch up the pretty blonde before she disappeared into her first class on the day.

"Peyton! Hey." Ripley smiled. "I know you're in a hurry but um, my friends and I were wondering about maybe playing at _Tric_. I'm in a band."

Peyton blinked slowly. "Oh? Yeah I think I've heard that around." She managed a tiny grin but it didn't reach her eyes.

_Must be more drama going on. _"Right. So anyway we could play?"

The girl other snapped back to attention. "Well you'd have to audition and I—I don't know when I would be able to listen to you. I've kinda got a lot going on right now."

_Yup, more Lucas drama. _"What are you doing after school? I'm sure we could be ready in the band room—I can call in a favor. I know it's rushing but my band mates won't let me live this down if I don't at least try. Ten minutes is all we need I promise."

Peyton wet her lips and glanced around. "I think I can spare ten minutes. I'll meet you after our last class in the band room then." Without waiting for a reply, she waved and hurried off.

Ripley waved at her retreating back and swirled on her heels, resisting the urge to pump her fist in the air. _The Blonde Theory_ had never actually played in front of a crowd before and getting a gig at _Tric _would be a major thing. It wouldn't make them superstars but it might get them more jobs if they were good. And maybe some type of respect in the community, not that she needed it.

Still it was exciting.

Eric and Jeremy were waiting for her at her locker, not caring that the bell was about to ring.

"Well?" Eric questioned. "What did she say?"

"She said we have to audition." Pause. "But she didn't know when she'd be free so I suggested after school."

Jeremy gasped. "After school? Bu—but we have no time to practice! And what are we gonna sing? Oh my God I think I'm having a panic attack!"

His brother snorted. "Calm down dude. We'll do something we've got down and it'll be fine. Now instead of pissing yourself why not think of suggestions. We've been waiting for this, man."

"Okay…" Jeremy cleared his throat, his face red. "I'm gonna get something to drink first though and take an aspirin. Maybe five…" He wandered off talking to himself.

Eric snickered and pulled Ripley in for a big hug. "You're awesome believe it or not. And _we_ are gonna rock this stupid school." He _did _pump his fist as he ran off to catch up to his brother. "Woo!"

Ripley laughed and then noticed Glenda exiting the archway. "Hey Glenda!" She jogged up to her. "You'll never guess what just happened."

Glenda pulled at the cross around her neck. "Oh, so you're talking to me now?"

The blonde arched a brow. "Why wouldn't I be talking to you?"

Glenda shrugged. "Thought you might be hanging out with your new best friend, Rachel."

"Glen c'mon you know that's not the case. I haven't been ignoring you or avoiding you." She kicked at the asphalt under her feet.

"But you _have_ been spending a lot of time with her. I mean you say you don't like her and that you're not dating but your actions speak differently." Glenda rolled her soft green eyes. "You even invited her to your house for dinner. Seriously what is _up _with you two?"

"We're _friends_."

"Why? She's horrible and she's always _been _horrible. Since the moment she arrived she's acted like a self centered bitch and now you're hanging out with her."

"Rachel is—she's not as bad as she seems. And she doesn't have a lot of friends—"

"Right because she's a bitch. Bitches tend to drive people away."

"She's not a bitch. Yeah she acts out and treats people badly but I've seen another side to her."

"Oh whatever. If you were a guy I would accuse you of thinking with your cock."

"Glenda…"

Shaking her head, Glenda lifted a hand to stop her. "Save it. I don't even care anymore." She stormed off.

"Glenda!" Ripley called. "Glen!"

_Fuck. What did I do to deserve this?_

The day went by in a total blur, one boring class morphing into another until everyone was packing up to go home. Ripley had to seriously plead with the music teacher to let her borrow the room but in the end he caved after she promised him some free sweets from her mother's shop. Besides it wasn't like she was going to trash it or anything. It was unfortunate but she had to put her argument with Glenda out of her mind, at least for a little while so that it wouldn't interfere with her playing.

Thankfully Jeremy had calmed down since that morning though he still looked a little constipated. Toby and Eric were fine however and stoked to be performing. They'd talked about what they were going to sing and in the end they decided on _Where the Lines Overlap_, something that Ripley had written of course. It was an upbeat song that showcased their instrument playing skills as well as Ripley's voice.

It started off with a gritty guitar rift and then Ripley singing, putting the image of Peyton sitting in front of them out of her mind so that she could just feel the music.

"_Gimme attention I need it now  
>Too much distance to measure it out, out loud<br>Tracing patterns across a personal map  
>And making pictures where the lines overlap<br>Where the lines overlap_

_No one is as lucky as us_  
><em>We're not at the end but, oh, we already won<em>  
><em>Oh, no, no one is as lucky as us<em>  
><em>Is as lucky as us"<em>

Peyton seemed pleasantly surprised by how awesome they sounded. She was sitting straight up in her chair with a smile on her face, tapping her foot to their melodies. That of course had Eric and Jeremy grinning like Cheshire cats. They were just heading into the second verse when the door opened and people started filing in, following the sounds of music. In moments the room was filled with students in basketball jerseys, and a few cheerleading outfits (the ones who weren't snubbing Ripley because of her relationship with Rachel) and ones who were supposed to be at their designated activities. Toby had his mouth wide open.

_Call me over and tell me how  
>Well, you got so far and never making a single sound<br>I'm not used to it but I can learn  
>It's nothing to it, I've never been happier<br>Never been happier_

_No one is as lucky as us_  
><em>We're not at the end but, oh, we already won<em>  
><em>Oh, no, no one is as lucky as us<em>  
><em>Is as lucky as us<em>

By the time Ripley and her friends reached the bridge the crowd was grooving along, clapping and cheering. Brooke had made her way inside though she was keeping a safe distance from Peyton. She was obviously enjoying what she was hearing however; a few people were even recording them with their cell phones.

This is going to be all over the internet later.

_And now I've got a feeling if I sang this loud enough  
>You would sing it back to me<br>I've got a feeling if I sang this loud enough  
>You would sing it back to me<br>I've got a feeling, I've got a feeling  
>If you would sing it back to me<br>You would sing it back to me_

_No one is as lucky as us_  
><em>We're not at the end but, oh, we already won<em>  
><em>Oh, no, no one is as lucky as us<em>  
><em>Is as lucky as us, is as lucky as u<em>s

It didn't take a genius to know that by the time they ended the song, they'd totally earned a spot at _Tric_ to perform.

* * *

><p>Rachel exhaled deeply and pulled a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator. She stared at it until the label was blurry before growling and shoving it back, taking out the orange juice instead. Alcohol would just screw with her meds or whatever and while that sounded like a good idea, it wouldn't make anything better. Certain parts of her life would still be extremely fucked up. <em>Or more like my entire life.<em>

Tomorrow she would be returning to school because otherwise there would be questions. And she didn't want to have to explain any further than _hang over_ or _twenty-four hour virus_. Brooke didn't even have any idea what had been truly wrong with her and she wanted to keep it that way for as long as she could.

_She would blast my ass especially for the way I behaved when I thought she was pregnant. And probably spread it as a rumor around the entire school. I wonder why that rumor hasn't gone around before? So many others do._

The front door opened and small footsteps sounded before Brooke broke around the corner. "Hey slut. Feeling better?"

Rachel smirked and sipped her juice. "Of course. Don't I look all healed and fabulous? Anyway how was school? I'm sure it was totally boring without me there."

The brunette huffed but handed over her cell phone. "Your girlfriend is very talented…but I'm sure you knew that already."

Rachel frowned. "What are you talking about?" She looked to the phone and watched the video. "Wow. She mentioned she was in a band but I didn't know they sounded so good. What was this for?"

"Audition to play at _Tric_ on New Years. They got the gig." Brooke skipped over to the cabinets. "The whore was there; they were auditioning for her of course since _Tric_ is _hers _or whatever. Bet she wants to kiss Lucas when the clock strikes twelve."

"I thought you and Peyton were getting along?" The redhead inquired. "Or at least being civil."

Brooke made a face. "It's hard to be civil to the girl who kissed your boyfriend. Or who told you she was in love with _your_ boyfriend and then expected a medal for _not_going after him. Just because we didn't get to fighting at the banquet doesn't mean we're friends."

_I can see that. I_ wish _I had someone like Peyton. Someone I'd known since childhood who was always there for me. _"Well maybe you'll work everything out."

Her friend arched a brow. "Since when are you so optimistic? This wouldn't have anything to do with your lesbian lover would it?"

Rachel snorted. "We're not _lovers_. Ripley is just—she's a friend. She—we talk."

Brooke smiled softly. "She's pretty cool, huh?"

"Yeah. She doesn't care about stupid stuff and her family's nice." Wetting her lips, she hunched her shoulders. "I like her, Brooke. I wanna tell her stuff and it freaks me out. What if she tells someone?"

"Why would she do that, sweetie?" Brooke asked with genuine concern. "I don't really know Ripley but she doesn't seem like the type to break someone's confidence." Pause. "And when you say you _like her_…"

"You know I haven't had many friends. If it weren't for you and Mouth the list would be zero. It's not like I count Bevin and the other cheerleaders." She leaned against the sink counter. "But look how things started out with you and me. I just don't wanna make the few friends I have end up hating me."

Brooke tugged on her red hair. "Stop worrying so much. As long as you don't steal her girlfriend or get naked in the backseat of her girlfriend's car you'll be fine."

Rachel chuckled; _the simple truths according to Brooke Davis. _"I'll keep that in mind."

In truth she was keeping _a lot_in mind when it came to her relationships now. In the past she'd never gave a shit and when she first arrived in Tree Hill she'd felt the same way but now things were different. Now she'd had a taste of what it was like to have someone there for you and she didn't want to give it away.

_Or drive it away._


	6. Just A Kiss

Chapter Six: Just a Kiss

Sitting behind the soft pink painted counter of her mother's sweets shop, Ripley idly doodled on a napkin as she listened to her iPod. Megan—the girl who usually worked the afternoon shift—had called in sick and instead of getting someone on their day off to come in, Tabitha asked her if she wouldn't mind filling in. Seeing as how she had nothing else to do she had agreed. Besides it was nice to sit out front and gaze out of the large square windows as different delicious smells danced in the air. Though usually they made her hungry and she would end up ruining her dinner by eating an entire tray of vanilla cupcakes.

Today she was practicing restraint however.

Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she glanced at the screen and then checked her messages. There were a few random things from Jeremy and Eric but nothing from Glenda which made her sigh deeply, especially since she'd texted her earlier. She hated when they fought because it didn't happen often, so when it _did_ it was kinda bad. And weird.

Yet she sort of understood where her friend was coming from. Rachel was the girl that other girls hated while secretly wishing they could be her. Even though Glenda treasured her individuality it wasn't so farfetched to think that maybe she too wanted to be a little like Rachel. Perhaps in just the looks department. However she figured her outburst had more to do with _her_ relationship with Rachel. Everyone seemed to be interested in it for one reason or another. Obviously it was one of the dangers of interacting with the popular crowd.

She wondered if others often thought about that when they tried to break into that top tier of glowing status. Sure everyone would know your name when you walked down the hall and years after they would say '_remember when so and so did that?_' But there would also be resentment and rumors and those who wished you would fall so far that you were never heard of again. It was hard to have any real privacy when people clamored to know all about you.

Ripley didn't feel that she was neglecting Glenda however. If at any time her friend had called and requested they hang out, she would have gone. Not to mention they still talked at school and Glenda would probably always know more about her than any of her other friends. _I wonder if I was spending time with anyone _but_ Rachel would she care? Like Brooke or Peyton. She never acted this way when I was dating Ella_.

Naturally she got the distinction. For all of Ella's faults—of which there were many—she had never been mean for the sake of being mean. _Until now_. She'd accepted Ripley's friends as her own. It was amusing to think about but Ripley got the sense that Rachel would never want to mix that way, not that she would ask her to. It would be a giant disaster in the making and frankly she _still_ wasn't convinced her friendship with the redhead was that cut and dry.

A flood of people came in next for the dessert rush, ordering cupcakes and donuts and other sweet treats. Ripley loved to see the little kids come in with their parents and _beg_ for the candies in the display case. Their eyes would light up and some would press their faces to the glass. She couldn't even get mad about having to clean it when they were so freaken adorable. Usually she would end up slipping them a little sugar cookie or something if it was okay.

When the room was clear and her mother was restocking the free sample tray, Ripley grabbed a broom from a corner and trekked outside to sweep off the sidewalk. Goosebumps broke out on her arms under her long sleeves but she ignored them; she was quite fond of the cold and hoped they saw snow this year. It had been a while since she'd made a snowman.

"Look at you being all domestic." Came a voice from behind her.

Pushing strands of blonde out of her face, Ripley chuckled. "I take it you've never cleaned a day in your life?"

Rachel shoved her hands into her pockets. "Just my room. We have a maid who comes in and does the rest."

The blonde snickered and kept sweeping. "Where did you come from anyway?"

"I was at the boutique down the street trying on jeans and I saw you come out. Thought I would come say hi." She shrugged. "I was kinda busy today with everyone asking if I was okay and stuff. I—I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you."

Ripley tilted her head to the side. "I didn't think that."

The redhead smiled. "Good because I wasn't."

Ripley smirked a little; swept a series of leaves towards the gutter. Obviously Rachel wasn't used to being vulnerable in front of others and now she was feeling a bit skittish. It was almost kinda funny. "So how are you feeling?"

Rachel wet her lips slowly. "I—okay. I haven't had any pain or whatever since the procedure. Guess all the plastic is good for something besides making me look awesome."

"Yo Gattina!" They both turned when a blue truck pulled up to the curb with the window down. "Heard you weren't feeling well yesterday. How about coming with me? I can make you feel a lot better."

She arched a brow, putting her hands on her slender hips. "Jacob right? The only thing I remember you making me feel was very unsatisfied so I think I'll pass."

Jacob frowned. "You weren't saying that at the time."

She rolled her eyes. "I was faking it so you would get the hell off me and so that I could go home."

A vein twitched in his forehead. "Ya know I never would have believed the rumors if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes but damn, you _have_ gone dyke. Hot but still a shame." Shaking his head, he drove off.

_Well that was interesting_. "What a charmer. I can't believe you're willing to let a stunner like him go."

Rachel wasn't laughing though. In fact she looked down right angry. "Asshole. I'm so sorry."

Ripley waved a hand. "Eh don't worry about it. Dyke isn't the worst thing I've ever been called if you can believe it."

The other girl sighed. "How do you stand people being such douches to you? I mean you're nice and normal, and they totally judge you for this one thing they know about you."

"But that's life I guess. It sucks yeah but people are always going to judge you." Pause. "You just have to rise above their expectations and show them you are more than their labels."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Having support from those who care about you _does_ help."

Rachel turned her face away, the corners of her mouth pulled down. "Yeah… People usually call me a slut but I figure it's not as bad as what you get. Still not like it makes me feel good. Sometimes I—I wish I was like everyone else."

Ripley leaned on the broom. "I don't see you as abnormal but maybe that is just me. Your reputation doesn't define you. Besides only a few months left and then you'll be able to leave all this behind if you want. Become someone new."

"That doesn't sound so bad." Rachel ran a hand through her silky red hair.

Deciding that the sidewalk was clean enough, Ripley latched onto her friend's wrist and pulled her inside. "Hey mama! Look who's here!"

Tabitha poked her head out of the back. "Rachel. Well this is a nice surprise." She disappeared for a second and then exited the doorway with a hot muffin resting on a plate. "Here, it's fresh out of the oven. I drizzle lemon sauce on them to give them an extra kick."

"Oh um, thank you." Rachel took the plate and started pulling the muffin apart, tossing bits into her mouth. "Your shop is great. I can see why people like it so much."

"I do okay." She mused, tightening the strings of her apron. "This started out as just a hobby to be honest. And then Jeffery suggested I try to sell some of my stuff. I used to have a little basket of goodies at Karen's café and then after people made such a fuss I branched out." Suddenly her blue eyes lit up. "Hey, why don't you come on back and help me make something?"

The redhead blinked, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. "I—I don't know _anything_ about cooking. Seriously the one time I tried I nearly burnt my kitchen down and from then on my mom got us a live-in chef."

Tabitha chuckled softly. "Be that as it may I'm sure even you can stir and pour batter."

Biting on her bottom lip, Rachel smiled. "Okay I'll give it a try. Lead the way."

Ripley grinned as her mother gently coaxed Rachel into the kitchen. She lingered in the doorway and watched as she told her friend about all of the equipment and how it worked, and then showed her how to make red velvet cupcakes. It was interesting watching Rachel with her little apron, getting her hands dirty with sticky batter and icing. She was smiling widely however and obviously enjoying herself.

She didn't know that it took so much strength to squeeze out colored icing so hers was slightly crooked but she looked so proud of her bent little cupcake when she was done.

"Ah!" She clapped excitedly. "I almost don't want to eat it."

"You don't have to." Tabitha replied putting together a small white box. "Though Rachel sweetie any time you want to come bake with me you're welcomed to. That goes for when I'm at home too."

"I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"No bother, dear. Never a bother."

* * *

><p>Karen's Café had never looked so festive with all of the colored lights strung here and there, as well as white and blue balloons. Everyone was celebrating their win of the State Championship—Rachel had never seen an entire town so happy before to win a simple sports game. At the other schools she'd attended it hadn't mattered so much and being a cheerleader had been more about looking pretty than <em>actually<em> cheering. But in Tree Hill it actually meant something to those involved and those on the side lines. She could still remember looking up into the bleachers and seeing Jeffery Sinclair red faced and yelling after Lucas made the winning shot.

She was very glad to be a part of something so massive. Something that she could always look back on and say _I was there_ even when it didn't matter anymore. Though they'd almost missed it after having to take Haley to the ER with severe abdominal pains and the fear that she was going to lose her baby. It was no secret that she wasn't fond of Haley and that Haley pretty much hated her, but thinking about her miscarrying had been scary and she'd wanted to help in any way she could. Yelling at the annoying admitting nurse wasn't this amazing feat but at the time it felt like the best course of action to help her _friend_.

Haley loved her baby already so much—she'd probably never thought about aborting it. Even though she was a broke teenager and Nathan had serious parental problems. _I guess that makes her better than me. Big whoop. Who isn't these days?_

Anyway so Peyton and Lucas were apparently a couple and Brooke was _apparently_ okay with it. It was like the magic of winning was making everyone forget old hurts and focus on the future. She wasn't sure what her future would be like however. She really had no prospects after high school and she knew she wasn't cut out for college. If she were lucky she'd be able to coast on her parents' money before marrying some asshole she didn't love just because he was rich. Worst case scenario involved drugs and loneliness or becoming a high class escort.

_I could always work for Tabitha I bet. She'd give me a job even if I was terrible at baking_.

"Are you even listening to me?" Brooke inquired snapping her fingers. "Thinking about the poor guy you're gonna end up eating later on tonight?"

Rolling her eyes, she smiled. "No. Actually I wasn't thinking anything. Just that tonight was a great game."

The brunette nodded slowly. "Are you okay? You've been…weird lately. Weirder than usual and less slutty. Did you catch something?"

Rachel hit her lightly. "No! What, I can't be quiet and introspective? Tonight was nice. At my old schools we didn't really care about the games, not beyond showing up and looking good."

"Mmm…" Brooke murmured. "You never really talk about the schools you've been to."

The redhead shrugged. "Nothing to talk about. I went, I screwed around and I got expelled." Pause. "Wasn't as glamorous as it sounds."

Her friend tilted her head to the side, her eyes squinting as she studied her. She was about to say something when Haley trudged over looking frazzled but happy.

"Hey, we're gonna take off. I'm getting kinda tired." She hugged Brooke. "Thanks for taking care of me tonight."

"No big deal. I mean, if you died, who would tutor me?" Rachel asked teasingly.

The blonde snorted. "Actually that reminds me. I graded your quiz and you got a ninety-four. Good job."

"Thanks." Rachel waved and watched her walk away. "Oh, hey, don't forget your purse."

Haley groaned and took it. "There is it. Thank you."

Brooke smirked once her friend was gone. "Ninety-four? Nice job, Fondle Me Elmo. Maybe you're not such a dumb-dumb after all."

Rachel reached into her bag. "I've got a present for you. It's the transcript I got in the mail."

Brooke took the paper from her and opened it up. "Hey, you're getting a B in gym."

"Look at the name."

"What?"

"I could pass calculus in my sleep. You're the one flunking out, Penelope."

"Then why are _you_ getting tutored?"

"So I could get you this." She grinned and yanked a key on a golden #1 ring from a small hidden pocket in her bag. "This, my dumb friend is the key to the cabinet with the answers that we're gonna steal. Unless, of course, you don't wanna graduate."

Brooke scratched her forehead. "I—we _need_ to talk about this. If we get caught we will get in _serious_ trouble! That expulsion you've been avoiding here? Yeah that will definitely be happening."

Slinging her purse onto her shoulder, Rachel stood. "Well it's that or repeat your senior year."

"Where are you going?" The brunette questioned in a tight voice. "You can't just spring something like this on me."

"I'll see you at home, feather brain. You're not the only friend I have you know…" Winking, she turned and all but skipped out of the café.

* * *

><p>Behind the Sinclair house were a series of tall trees with branches reaching up to the sky. A finely made tree house stretched across one while rope swings adorned the other. And even though there was a slight chill in the air, Ripley sat on the plank board swing with her sneakered feet scuffing the ground as she swayed back and forth. She was staring off into space and lightly singing Lifehouse's <em>Everything<em> and at that moment Rachel wanted nothing more than to know what she was thinking about.

It was kinda hard to look at her sometimes though because of all they had been through together. This odd little blonde just popped up in her life and now they were friends. Now they were hanging out and she was seeing parts of Rachel that no one had ever seen before. _And it terrifies me. It really, really does._

Yet she couldn't seem to stay away.

That naturally terrified her as well.

Licking her lips, she tightened her tiny Raven's jacket and crossed from the back porch over to the swings. "Hey. Your mom said you were out here. I—hope I'm not interrupting."

Ripley looked up at her with big blue eyes. "Nope. But if you had came five minutes earlier you would have stopped my train of thought on the difference between honey-mustard and sweet and sour sauce."

Rachel laughed and sat down beside her. "I saw you at the game tonight with your dad. You looked like you had fun."

The blonde nodded. "Yeah it was pretty cool. My dad nearly lost his shit during the first half though when the guys were sucking but by the end he was like yeah!"

_Fist pumping and everything_. "It was a pretty exciting game. We almost missed it though. Haley had a little scare so we took her to the ER but she's okay now."

"That's good." Ripley voiced. "I'm glad things worked out."

Rachel grabbed the coarse rope in both hands and pushed off the ground a little, sticking her legs out in front of her. "Me too." A beat. "Oh I heard that you got a gig at _Tric_. You guys are pretty awesome. I can't wait to see you play."

"Thanks." Ripley grinned happily. "I was thinking maybe for New Years since a party to ring in the New Year just seems like something that everyone would want. We've been practicing regardless."

"You'll rock it." Pause. "So you'll never guess what silly ass Brooke did. She's failing calculus and naturally _I_ have to be the one to save her."

The blonde arched a brow. "How are you doing that?"

"By being bad, this of course is what I do best. I love Brooke but let's face it studying is not her strong suit. So I—I kinda stole the key to the tutoring center so I can get the exam for her." She cringed a little. "I know it's extreme but otherwise she'll fail and not graduate. And she—well she's been really good to me so I wanna help her anyway I can."

The other girl exhaled deeply but she didn't appear disgusted. "Well it's wrong but you're heart is in the right place I guess. I always knew there was more to you than meets the eye. Still if you guys get caught you're gonna be up shit creek without a paddle."

Rachel nodded; _that's an understatement. Of course my parents won't care either way but it would suck for Brooke._ "We're gonna be careful. In other news I think Peyton and Lucas are dating now. They were kissing after the game."

Ripley drew stick people in the dirt with the tip of her shoe. "Guess that whole triangle thing is finally calming down. Good for them though."

Eh. "It was kinda annoying though. I mean they just stood there in the middle of everyone while confetti rained down; kissing like it was the end of a romantic movie. Stuff that like never happens in real life, at least not to me anyway." She tilted her head to the side. "Usually there is less kissing and more awkward groping. I bet they went home and didn't even have sex."

"Probably." Ripley snickered softly. "They probably wanna wait until the right moment or whatever. Besides sometimes a kiss is just for kissing sake."

_Not in my experience_. "I haven't done that in ages. I kissed Mouth earlier in the year but I don't think that counts since he was never…ya know. Any other time kissing was just the prelude to sex. What about you?"

The blonde hunched forward a little. "I haven't made out with anyone since breaking up with Ella, but yeah, we used to just kiss for a while. I was her first."

_That_ made Rachel's lips widen into a big smile. "Ooh sexy. Is taking a lesbian's virginity different than taking a straight girl's?"

Ripley laughed. "Not that I know of. A broken hymen is a broken hymen unless the particulars surrounding it have nothing to do with sex what so ever."

Giggling, the redhead shook her head. "Oh well. Some people are made for kissing and others are made for…_more_."

"What are you talking about?" Her friend inquired innocently. "You act like you're chained to a certain role when you're not. You're sexy but that doesn't mean you always have to act it or show it."

"_I_ don't decide how people treat me. They do." She frowned as she said the words because that shouldn't be true. It should be the other way around. "Guys don't treat me like they would treat Haley. No one treats me like they would treat Haley."

Ripley's brows drew together. "Is this about kissing?"

"Kinda." She smoothed a hand along her cheek. "You know the only guys that have treated me halfway decent were either taken or Mouth. I know it's my fault because of the way I—I act and dress but I don't know. I just think it would be nice if someone would see past all of that…"

Clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth, Ripley kept quiet for a while, most likely getting her thoughts together. "Someone does."

Rachel turned to ask her _who_ when the blonde leaned forward and pressed their lips together. As far as kisses went it was quite chaste—no tongue—just a gentle pressure of softness and the taste of green apple lip balm. It probably lasted for five seconds before Ripley pulled back and turned her attention up to the starry sky.

"What was that for?" She whispered as her face grew hot.

The blonde kept her eyes on the sky. "Just because."

Swallowing thickly and trying to play everything cool—as always—Rachel didn't respond. She forced herself not to think about anything because if she did she would have to think about _everything_. And to be honest her brain didn't feel like it was firing on all cylinders for whatever reason. She wasn't the type of person to get fluttery over a stupid kiss. A kiss was possibly the most innocent thing a person could do and she'd done so much more. This was nothing. This was…this was…

…just a kiss.

The thought slammed into her and she shuddered, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. _Stupid! What the fuck?_ "I should be getting home. Brooke might get worried."

Ripley watched as she stood with a rather impassive expression. "Goodnight Rachel."

"Night." She smiled a little and hurried back towards the house.


	7. Pushing and Pulling Me Down to You

Chapter Seven: Pushing and Pulling Me Down to You

The bar was semi crowded and to be honest, Rachel had _no idea_ what she was doing there in the first place. She wasn't interested in drinking and none of the guys were that cute, yet she sat at the sticky table and flipped her hair anyway. In truth she blamed Ripley and her stupid lips for her current lapse in sane judgment. Before that tiny little kiss she'd never questioned her sexuality or even considered for a nanosecond that a girl could get her heart thumping like a boy could. Not that boys really did that either—it was all very technical and she didn't want to get into it. And lately she hadn't even been looking at guys because—well because she didn't have time or whatever. Oh people thought she was but that's because she was very good at pretending. She'd been doing it for the better part of her life.

Anyway now she had that _kiss_ in her brain. She had butterflies in her brain and dumb thoughts that made no sense and gave her a headache. It was silly—she wasn't gay or even bisexual. She had no feelings towards girls what so ever. She'd had more cock than a porn star, and she _liked_ it that way.

_Liar. Maybe before but not anymore_.

The fact that Ripley was a girl was only one facet of her current freak out. She didn't understand why the first kiss she had received without an ulterior motive or without a hand trying to sneak up her shirt had come from this person who could probably have anyone she wanted. It wasn't far-fetched to think so—Ripley was funny and friendly and she seemed to care about people. She was like a less annoying Brooke in a way. Or a very, _very_ less irritating Haley with a head that was in perfect proportion with her body.

_And I'm just the girl who dances on tables and flashes her breasts when asked._

_I'm dirty._

_Instead of worrying about a stupid kiss I should be concerned that I've now tainted Ripley with my ho-bagness_.

In some distant part of her mind that she retreated to when she needed to be validated about her self-worth, picking up some guy and going home with him was just the right thing to get her back on track. A night of anonymous sex with a stranger would cure whatever ailed her. It usually did so why mess with a good thing?

Exhaling deeply, she drummed her fingers on the table and glanced around the room, unintentionally locking eyes with a dark haired man. Although she looked away with a rather blank expression, he took it as a sign to come over with his drink in his hand. Not that she could blame him—she was gorgeous and guys liked pretty girls.

"Hello. I'm David." He flashed a bright grin. "Can I buy you a drink?"

The _yes_ was on the tip of her tongue but for some reason she swallowed it down and let her throat close over the words. Saying yes to whatever anyone else wanted was automatic but she didn't _have_ to. She also kinda had a reason not to; though that was more out of sight, out of mind.

However as she realized this, a light bulb went off over her head. He was handsome and he looked safe but she didn't _have_ to spend time with him or accept anything from him or go home with him. And he could get pissed off and that would be okay.

That would be _okay_.

Yes she wanted to be liked, she _needed_ to be liked but was sleeping with him just because he gave her a compliment really change anything? And what would happen afterwards when he rolled off of her and expected her to leave? The feelings from before would return and the vicious cycle would begin all over again. The problem with her affliction is that the cure was always only temporary.

Maybe she needed to change her medication.

"No thanks. I was just leaving." Grabbing her purse, she got up and headed for the door. She was surprised when it wasn't harder and when he didn't automatically chase her down or try to force her to stay.

Once inside of her SUV with the doors locked, she rested her head to the steering wheel and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. It was early and she doubted Brook was home, and as much as she wanted to show up at the Sinclairs uninvited she felt it would be too soon. She didn't know what she would say and she needed time to rehearse and get herself together; to strengthen her shields for those just in case situations.

So instead she was going to go shopping and get Christmas presents for her friends. Retail therapy usually did a good job of helping her blank out for a while and just focus on the price tags.

With her mind made up, she started the engine and drove to the mall. The parking lot was filled with last minute shoppers but she didn't mind. She knew how to maneuver through the masses though she missed the places where valets were mandatory. Tree Hill was such a small town compared to some of the other areas she had lived but it was her favorite. Why? Honestly she had no clue. That still remained to be seen.

Pulling into a space between two small hybrids, she yanked on her jacket and hurried across the asphalt and into the brightly lit building. The chatter of the shoppers was loud and raucous with people laughing and children pointing out what they wanted Santa to bring them. Rachel could remember believing in Santa up until she was nine years old when her mother unceremoniously decided it was _time_ for the truth to come out.

Getting unwrapped presents had been nice but didn't have the same glee as thinking some magical dude brought something just for you.

Concentrating on the click-clack of her heels on the clean tiles, she quickly veered into one of the more expensive boutiques and began to peruse the perfumes and gift bags. Brooke loved girlie stuff so she would probably really like a little basket full of body butters and scented lotions. But not the knock off stuff, something real where only a dab would have you smelling good for the rest of the day. With the cheap stuff you tended to use more and more to get a smell, thereby choking those around you.

_Brooke would enjoy smelling like roses I bet. Or maybe jasmine._

She was testing a few samples on their tiny pieces of cardboard when someone tapped her on the shoulder, making her jump. "Mouth! You scared me. I was _this close_ to masing you with Calvin Klein."

Mouth grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I—I just saw you come in and thought I would say hey. I feel like I haven't really talked to you in a while."

She nodded. "I know what you mean. I've just been kinda in my own world I guess. And we had the State Championships…"

He tilted his head to the side. "Which were two weeks ago. But you were kinda AWOL before then hanging with Ripley Sinclair."

Rachel chuckled softly. "Figures that would be all over school."

He shrugged. "People _are_ talking."

"People always talk, especially where I am concerned." She winked at him. "I don't care. Let them say whatever they want. Besides I thought they'd be too busy enjoying their break or…sending Haley and Lucas bunches and bunches of flowers. How are they by the way?"

Folding his arms over his chest, he sighed. "Still in the hospital but expected to make full recoveries. You know winning the Championship seems like a distant memory after what happened to them that night. Lucas having a heart attack and Haley being hit by a car? I mean what are the odds?"

She tossed the perfume samplers in the trash. "From what I've heard about your friends and shit they have been through? Pretty good actually. But I'm glad they are going to be alright. The baby too."

Mouth hovered around her as she continued to look at different items. "So um, can I ask you something?"

She nodded. "Sure. What's up?"

"You know that I don't believe people when they spread rumors. I mean I always just ask if they are true or not if I care that much. But usually when it comes to my friends I know them well enough to get when something is a lie." He nibbled on his bottom lip. "Are you and Ripley a couple?"

"I—no." She drifted over to the makeup counter. "I'm surprised you felt the need to ask. You _do_ know I go through guys like paper towels, right?"

"I know you're…popular." He said it slowly as if he wanted to choose the best word that wouldn't offend her. "But you're also like a chameleon. And you've changed since that night we spent together in your bedroom."

She smirked "Glad to see you haven't forgotten that."

He blushed and chuckled softly. "It's still one of the best nights of my life." Pause. "I don't know. You've been spending a lot of time with her and she's…interesting."

_Interesting_? "Interesting?"

"She isn't into guys." He blurted out.

Rachel lifted a perfectly arched brow. "Uh yeah I know that. She's a lesbian…I _get_ it already."

Pulling at his earlobe, he huffed. "What's going on between you two? I know that's blunt but we haven't hung out lately so I really have no idea what's going on with you now. I just know what I've heard."

_This could be the first time that the rumor mill might actually make me sit up and take notice. I can't decide if that's shallow or not. I mean if a rumor that you're stripping on the weekends simply because you_ like _taking your clothes off isn't enough to get your attention, what is?_ "Mouth I love you, but you're gonna have to seriously chill out. I can't believe _you_ of all people are buying into their bullshit. There is _nothing_ going on between Ripley and me. We are just friends."

_I_ _think._

Clearly Mouth detected the agitation in her voice because he lifted his hands in surrender. "I'm not trying to be weird or anything. I just—I care about you Rachel. Just cause I'm with Gigi now doesn't mean that has changed. I remember what went down with Cooper and how much he hurt you; he was a dick for doing it. I just think maybe you should take some time to be alone before jumping into another relationship. _Especially_ one as volatile as one with Ripley Sinclair would be. You'd be the talk of the entire town."

His friend blinked slowly, her hand poised to pick up a small basket of seashell shaped soaps. "I'm already the talk of the entire town. I outed Cooper at Nathan and Haley's wedding for sleeping with me. It's not like anyone has forgotten it." _Except for maybe Cooper_… "And it's not like there haven't been guys after Cooper." Frowning, she shook her head and walked off without saying another word.

Mouth followed her however. "Are you okay? Do you still miss him?"

_I was never okay_. "No. No I don't miss him anymore." Her stomach rumbled unpleasantly. "I appreciate that you're looking out for me. I swear I do. But Ripley is the last person you have to protect me from. I don't know why she has been so nice to me—I haven't made it easy—but she's cool. She makes me feel normal."

Smiling, he reached over and smoothed his hands up and down her arms. "Maybe she likes you."

"Well she does say she is my friend." She chuckled softly. "And she doesn't strike me as two-faced."

"That's not the kinda _like_ I meant." He replied watching her pensively.

Rachel swallowed thickly; this conversation is not what she had in mind when she'd decided on retail therapy for what ailed her. If her parents had taught her anything of value it was that bottling down your emotions was the best way to go in most situations. Talking about your issues only gave people more ammunition to use against you in the future. Case in point—she had revealed her fatty past to Mouth and he'd blabbed to Brooke who in turn had relished telling the entire school. Sure she said it was no big deal but in truth it was. It disgusted her to know that people _knew_ about the girl she used to be.

The sad, pathetic waste of space trapped inside a body that people laughed at and debased. At least now she was pretty. At least now she was happy.

Happy.

The word nearly made her burst into tears. "Um, can—can we talk about something else?"

Mouth looked like he wanted to delve deeper into what was wrong, but he relented at the last minute. "Sure. So uh, what brings you to the mall?"

_You're a great friend, Mouth. I should tell you more often_. "Christmas shopping. I know I'm late but, better late than never. Wanna help me find good stuff?"

As usual, he didn't say no to her.

* * *

><p>Whenever a teenager said they were contemplating their existence, people would turn up their nose or just shake their head because naturally when you were young, your problems were so totally <em>massive<em> that nothing would ever eclipse them. At least that is what most thought anyway. However Ripley had learned a few years ago the teens in Tree Hill often had these actual types of problems; things that others would never deal with or encounter until they were much older. She wasn't certain _why_ this was but perhaps it was just a luck of the draw. The universe making up for them living in such a small, relatively quiet town with colossal amounts of angst and drama.

Like Lucas and Haley being in the hospital at the same time, one suffering from a heart attack and the other from being hit by a freaken car.

Honestly Ripley was starting to think being in the 'in –crowd' was the same as having a sort of bulls eye on your chest. Horrible things just _kept_ happening to them—maybe they were cursed. Anyway apparently after leaving Karen's and crossing the street to their car, some guy lost control of his vehicle and Haley shoved Nathan out of the way to take the brunt of the hit herself. Lucas ran out to see what was wrong and ended up having a damn heart attack right there in the middle of the road. And as the kicker—because no Tree Hill story was complete without one—Dan Scott was put in jail for beating the unconscious driver to death.

_If he had a mustache this would be a telenovela_.

For a while things were very touch and go for both of them because of their injuries. The doctors weren't sure if Haley's pregnancy would continue but each day she got a little better and baby Scott was now currently fine. Lucas on the other hand was comatose for a bit and hooked up to various machines monitoring his heart but as with his best friend, he too was going to be okay. Though no doubt he would have to take it easy for a while.

They were both still in the hospital but looking to make full recoveries. As far as Christmas miracles went, Ripley decided those were pretty good ones. She'd helped her mother bake both of them _get well soon_ cakes with little smiley faces in the frosting. Tabitha Sinclair was a firm believer sweets could help improve any situation.

Releasing a puff of smoky warm air out of her mouth, Ripley pulled her father's knit cap down over her ears and held up the tangle of colored Christmas lights in front of her. Meadow had been charged the previous year with taking them down and putting them away. Obviously she'd just balled them into a gnarled circle and shoved them into a cardboard box.

"Great. We should just buy new ones." Groaning she began the task of unraveling the mess before her.

It had been two weeks and she hadn't seen Rachel since their kiss on the swings. Not that she was surprised; a part of her had figured she would never see the redhead again in a friendly setting until she received a text all _Just saying hey_.

Their relationship made for a few nights of lost sleep but not entirely in a bad way. Sometimes she would lie in bed and remember something Rachel had said, and it would make her smile or laugh. And she enjoyed seeing her without all of her armor on. It made the moments when Rachel was boastful or hiding behind banter more profound. She liked the thought of Rachel as softer and more human; willing to let at least _one person _see beneath her hard outer shell.

_Of course if she heard me say that she would be appalled_.

The blonde grinned to herself and shook her head, rubbing at the end of her red nose. In any case a major holiday was right around the corner and no matter what her current status with Rachel was, she had a nice Christmas present for her. It was nothing as fancy as what she was probably used to, but it was heartfelt and that usually counted for something. She hoped that she liked it, and that it wasn't weird if Rachel hadn't gotten her anything. She didn't buy it for what she might get in return.

_I got Eric something nice too and it's pretty much a given that he'll give me something horrible. But it's the friendly thought that counts._

_Wonder if Glenda got me anything? Man I miss her. Wish she wasn't so freaken stubborn and returned my call_s.

Yeah they were still having _issues._ Or rather Glenda was still accusing her of something that wasn't true. However Ripley understood exactly where she was coming from. It was terrible to think that you were losing a good friend to someone else. Someone prettier or smarter or _better._ But Ripley would _never_ do that to anyone, especially not Glenda. Glenda was—well she was like Rachel in many ways. Both pretended to be totally fine how they were but inside they hated much about themselves. And they both had parents that totally dropped the ball when it came to making them feel loved and safe.

_If only we could all just get along and hang out. Naturally that will never happen but a girl can dream_.

"Rip! Come inside and gets warm!" Her father yelled. "Before you turn into a block of ice!"

She snorted. "Meadow didn't untangle the lights like she said she did!"

"Yes I did!" Her sister called out. "They tangled themselves up while in the bag! It's not my fault!"

"Okay bring them inside and untangle them then." Mr. Sinclair snickered. "Meadow will help you."

Ripley could hear her sister arguing the opposite and she laughed. _I'm so lucky to have the family I do_.

* * *

><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Be right out!"

With sticky icing covered hands, Ripley quickly washed them under the kitchen sink and grabbed a flowery towel before dashing out behind the counter. She smiled at the sight of Nathan Scott on the other side, dark hair tousled and windblown, cheeks flushed and red. "Hey Nathan. How's Haley?"

He smiled at the sound of her name. "She's doing a lot better. Pretty sure she is going to be getting out of the hospital soon but the doctors wanna be one hundred percent sure she and the baby are okay. She's still bruised and sore, and her ankle is broken but she's a trooper."

The blonde smoothed down her apron. "I'm glad to hear it. She's a real sweetheart so I'm happy she is getting better." Pause. "So what brings you out on this chilly day?"

He chuckled. "Cookies. Haley is craving homemade sugar cookies and she pretty much threatened to throw the store bought kind at me if I brought them home."

Ripley laughed; how adorable were they? "Some should be coming out of the oven soon. I'll fix you up a bag."

"That sounds good." His shoulders slumped in relief. "I wanna make sure that she has no stress right now."

_Makes sense._ "How is Lucas? I know they are best friends. And well he _is_ your brother."

Nathan's face brightened. "He's going to be alright too. I think we got really lucky this time. If one thing had been different; if he had went home alone he could have passed out and died. Or if Haley had been hit harder…"

"But everything worked out. They are going to be fine." She said. She opened up the display case and pulled out a piece of apple pie. "Here for while you wait. It's fresh so no worries."

"Thanks." He took the pie and a plastic fork from the fish bowl on the counter. "I saw you and your dad at the State Championship game. He looked very happy that we won."

She snickered. _"Oh_ yeah. Allow me to pass on his congratulations. He came to every game that he could and never stopped rooting for you guys. He just _knew_ you were going to go all the way."

"It's nice that he had such faith in us. There were moments when I thought otherwise."

"Yeah but that makes sense. You were under major pressure, and then you found out you had a baby on the way too. I think you did damn good with the load you had on your shoulders."

"Thank you. I know we never really hung out much but, you're alright Ripley."

"People tell me that sometimes. Guess it must be true."

"Heh I can say that because I'm sure you saw me when I wasn't at my best…"

"True. Not that I judged. I don't think you acted any differently than a dude in your situation. You were popular and rich; people expected a lot from you so you gave it to them."

"I wish I hadn't. I wasted a lot of time being a dick."

The blonde smiled warmly. "We shouldn't forget the past but dwelling on it doesn't help either. You've changed and it was a nice one."

He took another bite of pie. "Haley had a lot to do with that. I never thought I would find my true love at seventeen but I did. I don't know what I would do without her."

Ripley heard the oven bing. "Let's hope you never have to find out."

* * *

><p>The Sinclair house was covered in lights and green garland, with a waving Santa on the lawn surrounded by reindeer. There was a huge Christmas tree in the window with twinkling lights and an angel on top, its hands clasped together in prayer. Rachel couldn't stop the grin from forming on her lips as she walked up the driveway and onto the porch. Of course the people in Tree Hill went all out for the holidays. They probably saw it as a time for family and stuff, not just commercialism.<p>

Unlike her parents who had barely spared five minutes on the phone to say merry Christmas before asking if she got the gift cards they sent her. _Merry Christmas Rachel, go buy yourself something pretty like you do every day! We're off to Paris!_

_Assholes._

Inhaling deeply, she fluffed up her hair and knocked on the door. Clutched tightly in her hand was the pink bag containing Ripley's present. Standing here now however she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she should have gotten the entire family something; though she doubted they expected anything. Still it would have been a nice gesture to repay their kindness.

The door opened and Meadow beamed at the sight of her. On her head was a headband of antlers. "Rachel, hey! Come on in." She stepped to the side. "Merry Christmas! I didn't think we would be seeing you today."

"I um—well Brooke is spending it with Mouth and Nathan at the hospital with Haley so…" She trailed off looking around. The inside was just as decorated with stockings over the fireplace and a Christmas village set out on the coffee table. "Ripley said that I could stop by if I wanted."

The brunette shut the door. "Of course. You're welcomed here anytime you want. Oh! Do you want some eggnog or something? We have a gingerbread house too with little gingerbread people."

_Of course you do_. "Um no thanks. Don't wanna spoil my dinner of leftover take out."

"Is that what you're having?" Tabitha inquired as she breezed into the room. "Well not anymore. You're staying for dinner and I don't wanna hear anything to the contrary." She plucked the bag from Rachel's hand and placed it under the tree. "Put your coat on the rack and treat this place as if it were yours. Oh and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." Rachel felt her face heat up. She was never quite certain how to act around the Sinclairs. She didn't understand adults when they weren't ignoring her or being disappointed in her. "Where's Ripley?"

"In her lady cave." Meadow snorted. "Probably biting the heads off the gingerbread men she stole."

Rachel laughed. "I'm just gonna…yeah." Biting into her bottom lip, she hurried up the stairs, stopping just outside of Ripley's room.

The door was open and the girl in question was listening to Christmas music, singing along to the Zooey Deschanel parts of _Baby It's Cold Outside_. She was in a red hoodie and gray yoga pants, her long blonde hair swinging free and loose around her pretty face. On her feet were green socks with tiny white snowflakes all over and around her neck was a necklace made of candy.

Rachel frowned as she watched her, trying to figure out if anything had changed since the _incident._ Ripley still looked the same and acted the same if the fact that she was combing through a notebook of sketches was any indication. So why did she _feel…weird?_ Why had one stupid kiss been all that she could think about for the past few weeks? Kissing was nothing. Kissing was just the prelude to the main event, and sometimes it wasn't even that. It certainly wasn't important.

_Sex isn't important either but that's another story altogether_.

Stretching her arms out, Ripley unzipped the hoddie and took it off. She had on a tight t-shirt underneath with numbers on the front; the collar tattered with several small holes in the fringe. She smoothed a hand up and along her neck, scratching clear painted nails over her tattoos.

_Her lips are really pink._

Digging her heels into the carpet, the blonde lifted her head and then turned it. She blinked indolently at her and Rachel gulped in air, feeling her stomach tighten and quiver in a way it hadn't done since she was younger. Since her very first crush on her fourth grade teacher.

"Hey."

"Hello." Ripley stood. "I didn't know you were here."

The redhead nodded. "I um—I just got here a few minutes ago. How are you?"

The blonde shrugged. "Good. You?"

_Oh man I have no idea_. "I'm good." Remembering she still had her coat on, she took it off and laid it on the foot of Ripley's bed. "Merry Christmas."

Ripley chuckled softly. "Merry Christmas to you too." A beat. "Do you want your present now or later?"

"Later is cool. Yours is…downstairs." She thumbed to the doorway. "Uh, can we talk? Usually I avoid it like the plague but there is an elephant in the room and he's all I can think about."

Gesturing to the bed, Ripley flopped down and pulled her feet into her lap. "What's on your mind? Though I bet I could guess."

"Yeah." _Can I do this? Can I get through this_? "Why did you kiss me?"

"Well you said you'd never been kissed _just_ to be kissed so…" She tucked blonde strands behind her ear. "And honestly—look Rachel I'm not blind. You're gorgeous; it's a fact. And I've really enjoyed getting to know the _you_ not many people get to see. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable, I'm not usually so impulsive."

Rachel picked at her thumb. "It didn't make me uncomfortable. I don't think that's possible anymore as fucked up as that sounds. It confused me. I—I liked it."

The other girl tilted her head to the side. "Ah I see. You know it doesn't mean you're gay now."

"Does it mean I'm gay if I liked it?"

"Maybe it just means I'm a good kisser."

"I think you're pretty—I do. You're sweet and smart and very pretty."

"Thank you."

_This is not going the way I thought it would. Why am I even bothering? I'm so screwed up that I should be alone forever_. "You know what? Nevermind. So, turkey?"

Slicking her tongue along her bottom lip, Ripley watched her a moment before replying. "What do you want from me? I get the feeling you're asking for something that you're not sure you _want._ If you're wondering if one kiss from a girl makes you gay then no, it doesn't. If you think it has _honestly_ opened up feelings you never knew you had then that is possible. But I think it would take more than one kiss for you to know."

"Then kiss me again." She slipped closer. "Because strangely enough lately you are all I think about. And if you knew what—if you _new_ why you'd understand how big that is. I've felt this before. This tingle in my stomach and it was with Cooper. The more I tried to pretend it was nothing the bigger it grew until I was begging him to stay and he was running for the hills." Suddenly her eyes were damp. "If you were a guy I wouldn't even be wondering if I liked you or not. God this is coming out all wrong! It sounds like I'm trying to talk you into something and—"

Ripley silenced her with a kiss, pressing their lips together gently at first before adding a bit of pressure. She cupped Rachel's cheek with her hand and took advantage of the little sound she made to slowly slide her tongue between her parted lips.

Rachel was stunned into motionlessness for a brief moment. And then her brain was catching up to the rest of the situation and she was kissing back, timidly, something she had forgotten she could actually do. She felt a shiver roll down her spine when Ripley bit tenderly into her bottom lip and sucked lightly on her tongue. Dimly she wondered if a part of her should be screaming that this was wrong or odd but when it never did she didn't focus on it. Ripley's mouth was soft and her hand was warm, and the tingles in her stomach turned into fireworks, shooting off to other areas of her body.

The blonde pulled away a few minutes later. "You're blushing."

Rachel laughed and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, you seem to have that affect on me. I'm worried; as slutty as I am kissing should be a walk in the part."

"In your defense I am an excellent kisser." Her friend winked.

"There is a dirty joke in there about tongues that I'm not touching." Exhaling, the redhead turned to face the vanity. "Would it be weird if I said that I wanted to see where _this_ went?"

Ripley frowned moderately. "You mean us dating?" She nodded and the blonde clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "I don't know if that is a good idea. Not saying it's how you feel but I don't wanna be some kinda practice test for you. I don't wanna fall for you only to be rebuffed later on."

_That makes sense. My reputation speaks for itself; I break hearts_. "We could go slow? Not for nothing but I don't wanna be _rebuffed_ later either. I think you'd ditch me before I ditched you. You'll realize I'm not worth anything and go find someone else like Ella."

The blonde shook her head. "I'm not like that. I'd never do that." Rubbing the back of her neck, she grunted. "Fuck. Okay…we'll go slow. I'm attracted to you and I think you're awesome, and I wasn't letting myself think 'other thoughts' because crushing on straight girls never ends well. But if you're serious about seeing how things play out then I'm game."

Rachel smiled and rested her head to Ripley's shoulder. "Me too."

_There are so many ways that this could go wrong, so many things that I still don't understand. My emotions are all over the place but when I'm with this girl I feel… peaceful, normal and not like some trashy whore here for the amusement of others. Please just for a little while let me have something for myself. Just for a moment let it be quiet, and let me be happy before my secret destroys everything_.


	8. We Don't Feel Sad or Bad or Blue

**Disclaimer: **OTH belongs to the CW. All song lyrics belong to their respective owners.

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews, guys. I really appreciate them. :)

Chapter Eight: We Don't Feel Sad or Bad or Blue

By nature Ripley wasn't a very confrontational person. She didn't dislike being angry at someone or holding their mistreatment of her against them, but she didn't really like going toe to toe with them unless it couldn't be avoided. She'd never been in a fight and hoped it was a stellar record she kept for the rest of her life though she _would_ fight if she had to. Arguments? Well they were another thing altogether. She argued with Meadow over the most trivial shit and she used to argue with her brother a lot too. But that was the family kinda stuff that would be over by the afternoon. Unlike her current falling out with Glenda that seemed never ending.

Glenda used her smart mouth and quick wit to protect herself against her mother's horrible jabs. She refused to get close to anyone outside of her circle because she didn't want to be hurt. Ripley totally understood where she was coming from and why she was upset, and although it was so hard she was going to be the bigger person and apologize. She _hated_ being the one to give in but she owed Glenda the truth and maybe even an explanation. Besides she missed her best friend and really the one person she wanted to share her new news with _was_ Glenda.

Which is what brought her to her best friend's tidy home the day after Christmas wearing the black leather motorcycle jacket that Rachel had gotten her; holding a pink bag between her fingers. The jacket was sleek and gorgeous and _way_ too pricey but obviously that wasn't something Rachel cared about. She said friends could buy friends posh gifts and most likely did all of the time. While it was a nice argument it'd made Ripley feel a little inferior giving her present; a silver id bracelet that read _Gattina_ instead of Rachel. But Rachel was apparently moved by it anyway and proclaimed that such a gift would go with anything.

That it was personable and mattered more than any other jewelry she'd ever received. They'd spent the rest of the afternoon and night enjoying dinner and playing board games with her family. Rachel sucked at _Scrabble_ but if the smile on her face was any indication she'd really had a good time. And that is all that mattered.

Exhaling deeply, Ripley pressed the doorbell and waited for someone to come open it. As usual it was Glenda's mother wearing her expression of utter disdain for everything in the world. She didn't say anything to Ripley, simply stepped to the side to let her in. Ripley in turn didn't say anything either. She left her standing in the small foyer and made her way to Glenda's room, rapping her knuckles on her closed door.

"Glen? It's me." She said when there was no reply. "Can I come in?"

"Whatever." Her friend muttered. "Not like I can lock it or anything."

Ripley turned the knob and moved into the room. Glenda often decorated depending on what persona she was sporting. When she'd been geeky the walls were plastered with hot guys in glasses and quotes from scientists. Now they were covered with posters of skulls and sad angels with black wings. The funny thing was that Glenda actually had an eye for matching—she'd make a wonderful interior decorator if she wanted.

"Merry belated Christmas." Ripley handed her the bag. "I know pink is your guilty favorite color."

Glenda took the bag and pulled out the fluffy protective paper to lay it aside. She took out the white box and opened it, lifting out the small black jewelry box. Upon opening it she stared at the dancers inside that twirled around and around to Beethoven's _Moonlight_. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

Ripley shrugged out of her jacket. "You're welcome. I was hoping you'd like it. I thought about trying to make one but the inner mechanics gave me a headache. I didn't mind being bested by a music box."

Her friend chuckled softly. "I love it." Pausing, she dug under her bed and yanked up a nicely wrapped box. "Here. It's that art set you were looking back a few weeks ago."

"Ooh wow, thanks." Ripley took it from her and ripped into the paper. "I'll draw you anything you want."

Glenda smiled. "I'll keep that in mind." She sighed. "So ho—how have you been?"

Ripley looked over the brushes and small paint jars. "Not too bad. Missed talking to you though. Look Glen I'm sorry if I made you feel like Rachel was taking your place. She's not by the way. You're still my best friend and you always will be."

Glenda shook her head. "No I—I overreacted or whatever. I just, I don't know. It was weird seeing you two hanging out and she's—God—she's not a very nice person. At least from all of the stories I've heard she hasn't been nice. To be honest I was scared that she'd end up hurting you. And that you would end up liking her more than me."

The blonde nodded. "I get that, and maybe I should have did more soothe your worries. But even if Rachel and I became better friends she'd never be what you are to me. There is still stuff that you know about me that Ella doesn't know. And keeping in the vein of secrets that you should know…" She wet her lips. "Rachel wants to date. Me."

Glenda's big eyes stretched wide. "What? I don't understand, she's not gay. She's so far from gay that she's on another planet. Is this a joke?"

"No though that would be my luck. We've kissed."

"Shut up! Talk about believe it or not! Did you turn her?"

Ripley laughed. "Jerk you know that's not how it works. I'm not sure what happened. We've been hanging out a lot and okay, I _did_ kiss her first but it wasn't anything romantic. I've kissed you like that."

Glenda smirked. "Uh-huh. Man I'm caught between being outraged and wanting to know more. Can I be both?"

"Sure." Ripley mused. "I'm still kinda shocked too. I told her we'd go slow but now I'm wondering if I made a mistake. I don't wanna be her bi-curious experiment but she assured me she is just as worried that I'll break her heart."

"I did hear she freaked out after that Cooper guy dumped her." The redhead voiced, pulling a leg under her. "Seems like you should be more worried that she'll total your bike."

_I hadn't even thought of that_. "Shit. You know I like her though. But then I'm fucked up so…"

Reaching over to poke her shoulder, Glenda grabbed up a handful of wrapping paper to play with. "You're odd not fucked up. And while I think it's a bad idea I know you'll do whatever you want. I just hope Rachel realizes what a totally cool girlfriend she is going to have."

Ripley flopped back onto the bed with her legs hanging off the side. "If I were a guy I'd accuse myself of thinking with my penis. Rachel _is_ smoking hot but it's more than that. When she's not being this _person_ for everyone else she's actually pretty cool. And when I see how cool she is I want her to always be like that. To not give a fuck what everyone thinks and just…be."

Glenda watched her. "That's a lot to ask someone like her. I think that's a lot to ask anyone really. I mean are we really being _ourselves_? Before the shooting I was just a face in the crowd and now I'm a _Goth_ face in the crowd. And it had nothing to do with that day. Part of me does it to piss off my mom but the other half just wants a little attention." A beat. "Sometimes I think I have no idea who I really am."

"You're awesome." Ripley squeezed her foot. "Your mom's a bitch but you're awesome. You're a straight A student with an amazing eye for detail and one day she is going to realize everything she's missed out on by chasing her glory days. What you look like on the outside doesn't mean crap because on the insane you're golden."

"Says the girl wondering if she should date one of the hottest girls in school." She rubbed at her slightly wet eyes. "You're not usually scared of much. You think Rachel could really get under your skin, don't you?"

Ripley grunted. "Yeah. She already has and if it's like this _now_, what will it be like in a few months? Even if she's like on board or whatever falling in love with someone—anyone—scares the shit out of me. It's giving someone power over you in a way and I like being in control of myself."

Glenda tilted her head to the side. "You're thinking too hard, dude. This is _Rachel_ we are talking about. At most you'll screw around and break up before the heavy stuff happens. It might suck but at least you won't be in so deep you can't climb out. Which considering how many men have been in her vagina that's a real problem for you."

Ripley smacked her with a pillow. "Shut up." She huffed. "I want to date her."

Glenda waved a hand at her. "Then date her. People are going to be surprised and some might react badly but you'll be happy so screw 'em. And if you promise not to give me details I'll _try_ not to be a bitch about it."

Ripley chuckled. "You can be a bitch about it. As my best friend you've earned that right." Sitting up, she ran both hands through her long hair. "So are we okay?"

Glenda grinned. "Yeah we're good. Just don't expect Rachel and I to hang out or anything. I draw the line at becoming her friend."

Ripley snickered. "Fair enough. I hope she's thinking the same thing when it comes to the cheerleaders. Some of them are okay but I know a few who'd probably be scared some of my _gay_ will rub off on them. Like it apparently did on her."

Glenda giggled. "Man this is gonna be such a shit storm when people find out. I mean Peyton falling in love with Lucas is one thing, but you getting Rachel to date you? Eric and Jeremy are going to start calling you King Ripley again."

She made a face. "And I am going to kick them both in the nuts if they do. I hope it's not some kinda scandal."

"People _will_ talk though."

"As long as that's all they do. Rachel and I are both used to that."

"Well if anyone gets hands on we'll just egg their house with rotten eggs."

"I'm usually against that kinda thing but this time I'd make an exception."

* * *

><p>Brooke sat in the living room of Rachel's grand house still in her pajamas with a steaming cup of cocoa in her hands. Snow flurries were steadily falling outside but the weather man said it was doubtful that anything would stick. She sighed happily and watched her good friend shove patches and patches of wrapping paper into a black trash bag.<p>

"Are you doing _actual_ housework?" She mused. "Is this some kinda kinky role playing game that I haven't been made privy too? Are you gonna go put on a French maid uniform?"

Rachel rolled her eyes playfully and flopped down onto the couch, pulling her legs under her. "Since it's the holidays the cleaning lady isn't coming in, and there is no reason to let this stuff lay here when I have two hands and can pick it up myself."

Brooke smirked. "I have to say I really like the effect that hanging out with the Sinclairs has had on you. You're tidier and less bitchier. And dare I say it less slutty. Are you sure you haven't found Jesus or something?"

As mean as it could sound sometimes, Rachel really enjoyed the teasing ribbing that she and Brooke did on a daily basis because it meant that they were real friends. It was so different than it was when they'd first met and slung barbs that were meant to hurt. These were simply meant to be funny and she never took offense to them. "No. I just…I don't know." She shrugged, nibbling on her bottom lip. "Actually I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh god, what's wrong now?" Brooke put down her mug. "I don't know if I can take more bad news considering Haley and Lucas have just made it out of the woods."

"No it's nothing like that." Her friend replied slowly. "Honestly I wasn't sure that I was going to tell you but you'd find out eventually. And—and as weird as it sounds you're like my best friend or something."

"Aw Rachel, are you proposing to me?" The brunette poked her in the side. "The ring better be huge."

Rachel chuckled and tucked strands of hair behind her ear. "You wish." She paused to gather her thoughts, trying to silence the tiny voice in her mind telling her that it was a bad idea to reveal her new relationship status with Ripley. That she didn't tell Brooke about a lot of the serious stuff that went on in her life—_God what would she have said if she'd found out? She probably would have told me how stupid I was for getting into that type of situation in the first place. I was. I so was_—so naturally she didn't need to say anything about this either. But it wasn't a one woman destruction mission. It was maybe the beginning of something really good. "I—I'm sort of—no I am. I _am_—"

A solid knock sounded on the front door interrupting her and she sighed, frowning at it deeply. "Who the hell could that be?" She got up and stalked over, throwing it open without asking who it was. "Mouth."

Mouth smiled a little. He was bundled up and yet his nose was still red. "You say that like you aren't happy to see me."

She shook her head. "No of course I am. Come on in."

He did so and made a beeline for the fire, ripping off his gloves to warm his hands. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Brooke shook her head. "I think Rachel was about to ask me to marry her but other than that, nope!"

Rachel stuck out her tongue. "I'm flattered that you want to be my wife and probably try to get all my money, but I'm actually taken. _That_ is what I wanted to tell you. And well since you are my next good friend, Mouth, you should be in the loop too." _Here goes nothing_. "Ripley and I are dating."

Silence.

Logs crackled in the fireplace and for a brief moment Rachel wished she could take the words back. But then Brooke tilted her head to the side thoughtfully as she studied her. "Now when you say _dating_, do you mean like girlfriend and girlfriend? 'Cause no offense but I find that a little hard to believe. You've never shown interest in a girl before and—to be perfectly honest—you're a cock magnet. Also we all know if you were going to fall for a girl it would be _me_ because, hello! I'm fabulous."

_All true things no matter how horrible one of them sounds_. "No you're right I've never shown interest in a girl before. But then not many girls are like Ripley, are they? I know this probably comes out of left field for you guys but trust me when I say it's not an experiment and it's not something I just woke up one day and decided to do."

Mouth appeared very dubious. "Are you sure? Because just the other day you told me that you and Ripley were just friends. What changed so quickly?"

Rachel thought back to their kiss in Ripley's bedroom and idly touched her lips. "She kissed me. Twice."

Brooke blinked. "Whoa. And it was so good that it turned you gay?"

Rachel sat down in the floor, her fingers playing with the bracelet around her wrist. "No. I mean yes they were good kisses but they were only half of the defining features that made me decide that I wanted to date her. Um… You guys have known Ripley longer than I have so you know she's sweet and quirky and smart. I was a bitch to her when we met and I used her to make guys notice me more. But when I needed someone—like _really_ needed someone, she was there for me anyway."

The brunette's brows narrowed. "When did you need someone? Rachel sweetie, is everything okay?"

_No everything isn't okay. Everything hasn't been okay for a while but I can't tell you because I don't wanna be judged anymore than I already am. Especially not by you_. "They weren't but they're good now. Ripley has really helped me sort through some issues and she didn't have to. She didn't have to be there for me or let me into her life but she did, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy every second of it."

Mouth scratched at his cheek. "Rachel it sounds like you're confusing your gratitude to her with feelings _for_ her. It makes sense if she's been as nice as you say."

"I am grateful to her but I also _like_ her. And trust me it's not in the same way I like Brooke or Bevin." She giggled softly. "I know the difference."

He nodded. "Yeah but Rachel you're not gay. I think you're just trying to make yourself do something that you don't really wanna do so as not to make Ripley feel bad."

_Could that be what I am doing_?

Brooke sipped her cocoa. "I don't know it kinda makes sense to me. It was only a matter of time before Rachel ran out of guys and went to girls." She pulled a pillow into her lap. "And you have been happier since you started hanging out with Ripley. I haven't seen you this way since Cooper was still here but it's different. Ripley's not old and she knows _everything_ about you."

_Not everything_. "I really like her. I get that it might not make sense but—but what if all of the guy stuff was just me projecting or trying to deny something about myself? Or ya know maybe I'm just bisexual. Either way it was _my_ idea for us to take our relationship to the next level."

Mouth stared at her. "I don't think—"

Rachel lifted a hand to stop him. "I know that you guys are just looking out for me but it's okay. If the worst thing I ever do is date someone like Ripley I think I'm good. Our feelings for each other are real and I'm totally up to exploring where they lead."

Brooke smiled, seemingly fine with the entire thing. "Well I'm happy for you. I know the Cooper stuff really hurt you so I'm glad that you're on the mend in a way that doesn't involve someone else's husband. And yeah Ripley is a pretty cool girl so I'm sure she'll take good care of you."

"Am I the only one who hasn't gone insane here?" Mouth inquired as he threw his hands up into the air. "Ripley being _nice_ should not be the main reason that you guys hook up. You just told me there was nothing going on between you two. Was that a lie?"

_Why is he so against this? Is it really the whole gay thing? Mouth has never judged anymore before. Hell he still thinks the best of Jimmy_. "A little. Mouth I—I didn't wanna admit that I had feelings for her. She kissed me the night we won the State Championship and I've thought about it ever since. I tried not to but it wouldn't get out of my head." She ran both hands through her hair, tugging at the ends. "And the reason why she did it touched me to my heart. I doubt I'll ever explain it to a level where you think it makes sense, but it makes sense to me."

"Wow I've never heard you talk like that before." Brooke said with a bit of awe. "I say go for it. We all deserve to be happy and sometimes that happiness comes in a way we'd least expect. You've supported me when I was having a hard time and when I thought Nick was _the one_ so I'm gonna support you in this." Her big brown eyes tracked over to Mouth. "And Mouth, honey, you should really cut Rachel some slack. You never know who you're gonna fall for. Ripley isn't Cooper."

Mouth looked as if he wanted to argue or perhaps keep the conversation going but for whatever reason he didn't. "You're right. Rachel…as long as you're happy then I'm happy for you."

It wasn't difficult for Rachel to not really believe him. Obviously he was having issues with her dating Ripley but she wasn't sure his exact reasoning behind them. Did he honestly think it was a bad idea or did he maybe still carry a small flame for her? If that was the case then no one she picked would be a good choice for her. While that did hurt her a little bit she could understand things from Mouth's point of view. She was gorgeous and at one time he'd wanted her; that sort of thing didn't just go away because you wanted it to. Yeah he was with Gigi now but it was like comparing annoying oranges to sexy red apples.

However she appreciated that he was apparently going to keep his deep thoughts to himself for now. She did not want him attempting to talk her out of her decision to be with Ripley, especially since it was still so new and could crack a part at any moment because of her secret. Really she was on borrowed time as it was with Ripley with no idea what she was going to do when it all came out.

_Everyone will hate me._

_I'll be so fucken alone._

_Everyone will laugh at me._

_And the worst part? I deserve it_.

Shaking out of her morbid thoughts, she cleared her throat and pointed to the kitchen. "I have some cookies that Ripley's mom made for me. We could eat them and talk about people. I'm sure Mouth is just _dying_ to tell us all about him and Gigi. Have you gotten up her skirt yet? Shirt? Seen her bra strap?"

Mouth flushed beet red and just like that they had a new topic of discussion.

* * *

><p>"Did you have a good time with Glenda, sweet pea?"<p>

Ripley shrugged out of her leather jacket and went to hang it on the coat rack before deciding against it. The last thing she wanted was Meadow stealing it to wear and damaging it like she did with most things. "Yeah we did. She and her mom are still giving each other the silent treatment but otherwise she's okay. She got me this paint set for Christmas."

Tabitha grinned at her daughter. "That's wonderful. I'm glad you guys made up."

_Me too_. "Yeah I am too. She should spend the night soon or something to get away from her mom. I feel bad for her that she has to put up with that crap." Strolling over to the couch, she sat down and rested her head onto her mother's shoulder. "Why do you think Miss. Farrell is so hard on her? I mean she gets good grades and she's not doing drugs or whatever. So what she's not a cheerleader?"

Tabitha patted her thigh. "I don't know, sweetheart. Obviously her mother is projecting her own insecurities and life failings onto Glenda. From what you have told me it sounds like she seriously misses the days of high school when everything was single and about popularity. She probably had a plan or vision for her life and when it didn't turn out that way she reacted badly." Pause. "I think one day she will realize how terrible she's been and wish to make amends. I just hope it's not too late."

Ripley nodded. She knew that a lot of people didn't get along with their parents, especially in their teenage years but she felt lucky that she did. Sure they had their arguments just like everyone else but nothing that made her feel like she was a failure. She couldn't even imagine her mom saying some of the shit that Glenda's mom had said to her.

"You and dad are good parents." She said. "Weird sometimes but good."

Her mother chuckled. "Thank you. So...I see you like the jacket that Rachel got you. Meadow has been eying it."

Ripley snorted. "I figured as much. There is no way she is getting her hands on it. I'll keep it in my locker at school before I let her ruin it."

"That's because you are the devil!" Meadow exclaimed as she skipped into the room, dark brown hair swinging freely. "Can I _at least_ try it on?"

Ripley huffed and handed it to her. "If you mess it up and I will stab you."

Meadow squealed and slowly slipped it on, rubbing her cheek against the smooth leather. "Man this is so awesome! It must have cost Rachel a fortune!"

"I doubt that's the reason she got it." Jeffery called from the kitchen. "Or the whole reason."

"Rachel's rich so…" Ripley waved a hand. "We're kinda…dating now by the way."

Tabitha hummed in response. "That's nice. We all kinda figured it was heading that way."

Meadow stared at herself in the mirror near the hallway. "Nice? It's great! I mean I think this will do wonders for my high school career. My sister is dating one of the most popular girls in school!"

Jeffery shook his head with a smile. "I'm glad Rip's relationship affects you in a positive light."

She pouted. "C'mon you know what I mean! Rip if you're happy then I'm happy for you. But it's hard sometimes when no one knows you or notices you. At least this will put me on the map. People will ask me stuff and if they're dicks about it I get to take the high road and become _that_ girl. Man I look good in this jacket."

_And here I thought my thought process strange._ Out of them all Meadow tended to fit in more with the general public. But she was still relatively young and Ripley remembered being like that before saying who gives a shit and doing her own thing. Not to mention Meadow was straight so they were having totally different experiences.

"We'll see how things go. I do like her a lot." Ripley slouched more. "If I can keep her open and honest with me like she is now I think we could be good together. Long as the opinions of others don't get in the way."

Tabitha smoothed down her hair. "I'm sure you'll help her hold her own if they do."

Something outside caught Jeffery's eye from through the window and he smiled. We've got visitors." He opened the front door and Ripley watched as her older brother Sky gently ushered his very pregnant wife Allison inside. "We thought you guys couldn't make it!"

Tabitha leapt up and pulled Sky into a big hug. "Oh what a nice surprise!"

"Hey hey hey." Sky greeted. His long blonde hair was in a messy bun behind his head. "We decided to drive since Ally said she felt fine, not to mention if she goes into labor there are hospitals here."

Allison hit him lightly. "I'm not due for another month anyway, contrary to how huge I look."

"Oh you look gorgeous." Tabitha hugged her next. "Do we _finally_ get to find out what you're having?"

She grinned. "It's a boy! Sky wants to name him Henry Moon and I have to be honest, I'm warming up to it."

Sky kissed her cheek. "Hey Meadow, Ripley. You guys too good to give your big brother a hug? Kick ass jacket, Meadow."

Meadow beamed. "Thank you."

"It's _my_ jacket!" Ripley stood. "And we wanted to let mom and dad get their fill before coming over."

He snickered and hugged them both. "Fair enough. And your jacket huh?"

"Yup." Ripley sent her sister a fake smile. "My girlfriend gave it to me."

"I thought you and Ella were broken up."

"We are. I'm with someone else now. Her name is Rachel."

"Is she the book nerd type too?"

"Heh yeah but not on the outside."

"Ah!" Meadow streaked from the room like her pants were on fire only to return minutes later with a magazine that she thrust into Sky's hand. "_This_ is Ripley's girlfriend."

Sky blinked at the cover of the Maxim. "_She's_ in high school? Good for you, Rip."

_Such a guy thing to say_. "Thanks…"

Allison peeped around him. "She's gorgeous."

Ripley plastered her hands to Allison's tummy with a sort of child-like glee, laughing when a tiny foot kicked out because of her groping. "That is so cool."

"I'm gonna fix up the leftovers and then we can all eat and chat." Tabitha breezed into the kitchen. "Ally sit down honey before that baby plops outta you!"

* * *

><p>The mall was pretty easy to maneuver a few days later with people either returning things they didn't want or cashing in gift cards. That is what Rachel was going to do and she'd brought Ripley along to help her pick stuff out. Ripley sort of saw it as a mini date but she hadn't voiced that to Rachel. She would wait until the end of the afternoon.<p>

"My parents probably thought I would be super excited about getting to buy stuff." Rachel mused as they walked along. "Like I can't do that any day I want."

Ripley thought she looked great in her tight jeans and form fitting long sleeved red shirt. "True but it's supposed to be the thought that counts."

Rachel shrugged. "But there isn't a lot of thought put into getting gift cards. I'm surprised they even remembered that it _was_ Christmas. Hard to think when you're drowning in margaritas."

Ripley bumped her shoulder. "Screw 'em. You had a good Christmas without them."

Rachel smiled. "I really did." She grabbed Ripley's wrist and pulled her into a snooty looking boutique where the clerks looked like models and the clothes didn't go above a size four. "And I guess I might as well not let the cards go to waste. If you see anything you want just get it. Otherwise I'll end up with a closet full of things I'll never wear—a second closet."

"These aren't really my types of clothes." The blonde looked at a price tag for a pair of jeans. "Holy shit. Two hundred dollars? Will they make me fly?"

Rachel laughed. "No but they'll make your ass look perfect and perky." She plucked up a dark denim pair and looked them over. "There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to get an ankle into something like this." Laying them aside, she hurried over to a wall of skirts and shorts. "Ooh these are nice. What do you think?"

Ripley nodded. "Yeah I like them. I like how they've put together outfits in case you can't do that on your own."

The redhead smirked. "You're so cynical. Although I do like this sleeveless red blouse." She took everything down and headed towards the fitting rooms. "Come on. You can tell me how good I look."

A willowy young girl with a sleek bob opened one of the doors for Rachel before going back to her counter to continue looking disinterested. Ripley migrated into the area and looked at herself in the mirrors, kicking at the carpet with her tennis shoes. _Maybe I should dye my hair dark blonde. Or get it trimmed_.

"Are you staring at yourself?" The sound of clothing being discarded and arranged could be heard from the small room Rachel had went into. "And here I thought Brooke was vain."

Ripley snickered. "If you must know I'm wondering if I should change my hair. Or cut it."

"I wouldn't." Rachel said. "I think your hair suits you. Though I am angry that you can rock the messy look while I just look like I rolled around in some bushes." Pausing, she pushed the door open and came out barefoot in her new clothes. "How do I look?"

Ripley looked her over from head to toe and smiled, folding her arms across her chest. The tank top like blouse was low cut and hugging Rachel's breasts, the material almost thin enough to see through. The shorts were black and super short with a dangly gold belt; they looked like a skirt at first glance. There was quite a lot of skin on view but Rachel wore the clothes with someone who oozed confidence even if that wasn't the case. "You look amazing."

Rachel sauntered up the mirrors and surveyed herself. "I think I'm gonna get all of it. I mean I can't wear it to school of course because Turner would have a heart attack but I'm sure I'll use it eventually." She looked at her behind. "Does this do anything for you?"

"Would it freak you out if I said yeah?" Ripley grinned.

"No. We're _dating_ now and besides I—I've probably heard it all." She adjusted her boobs. "Granted not from a girl but I'm pretty much embarrass proof by now."

"I don't want to embarrass you." Ripley turned her back to face the mirror and pulled her long red hair off her neck. "I'd rather make you are red and flustered."

Rachel met her eyes in the mirror. "That your kink?"

Ripley brushed imaginary lent off the back of the shorts. "No. I don't know if I should tell you those yet. You might think I'm a freak and we're doing _so_ well." She dragged her nails up the inside of Rachel's thigh, making her squirm. "Besides that's a third date kind of thing."

There was a small, barely noticeable tinge to Rachel's cheeks. "That's not fair. Your weird out of place accent makes anything sound hot."

"It does, doesn't it?" She teased. "You should hear my dirty talk."

"What have I gotten myself into?" Rachel winked at her and went to change. She waited until she was hidden to ask, "But seriously. What is your kink?"

Ripley didn't know if she had any precise kinks at least when it came to sexual stuff. She was pretty straightforward with what she liked and she doubted it was anything out there from what most people enjoyed. For example she liked porn and sexy stories and sexy pictures but so did like millions of others. "I don't think I really have any."

"Really? Not even Catholic school girl uniforms or role playing?"

"I wouldn't turn either of those down. I haven't really had a ton of sex, Rachel. Just the stuff I've done with Ella."

"Anything you wanted to do that she wasn't up for?"

"Heh well…"

"Ooh I sense something interesting rattling around in that pretty head of yours."

"Ella was—well she didn't like…being penetrated."

There was a thump followed by Rachel muttering _ow_. "Yeah you're gonna have to explain that to me."

Ripley blew hair out of her face. "It's what it says on the tin, babe. She couldn't seem to stand anything but fingers. It's not as odd as it sounds. Anyway so yeah."

"And you wanted to use something other than fingers?" The redhead inquired with a smile in her voice. "Dirty girl."

"Yeah yeah." Ripley licked her bottom lip. "I'm a regular sexual deviant."

Walking out in her old clothes with the new ones slung across her arm, Rachel grinned. "I'd believe it. Come on we have like five more stores to do!"

For the next few hours Ripley let herself be dragged around while Rachel blew through her gift cards at a pretty impressive speed. She took great pleasure in buying sexy lingerie and slinky dresses, and even threaded her arm through Ripley's as they strolled. It was such a normal kinda evening; like they were just two friends hanging out instead of girlfriends. It was nice though because there was no pressure to be super cool or super smart. Ripley could just be herself.

As they left another store where Rachel had strong-armed her into accepting an expensive bag of makeup and diamond earrings, Ripley stopped to stare at a black electric guitar. "That's a thing of beauty."

Rachel tilted her head to the side. "It's pretty." Very slowly she rested her chin to Ripley's shoulder. "I don't have a card for it but I'll buy it for you if you want."

Ripley shook her head. "Ha. I am not letting you spend an arm and a leg on a Stratocaster."

Rachel giggled. "I'm sure you'd find a way to pay me back."

Touching the glass, Ripley snorted. "Yeah. I'd basically have to live with my head between your legs for a year to be able to pay you back for that."

"Dirty girl!" Rachel gasped playfully. "I knew all the sweetness was just a ruse. So can I ask you something? Don't worry it's not a follow up question to your previous comment although we should come back to that eventually."

"Yeah yeah. What's up?" The blonde stifled a yawn.

"It's just you like a lot of stuff. Piano and guitar and art. Do you just like being an overachiever or what?" She asked slowly.

Ripley itched at the tattoos on the side of her neck. "Honestly? When I was younger and my dad was still in the service we moved around a lot; I think I mentioned it before. Anyway it was kinda hard on me sometimes, adjusting to new places and shit. So in addition to being strange and liking to try new things, I sorta threw myself into the learning aspect I guess. Cause if I was focusing on ballet or karate then I wasn't paying attention to other stuff."

"Aw you're so cute." Rachel cooed at her. "And I get that. I really do."

"Seriously?" Came an irritated voice behind them. "Are you two joined at the hip now or what?"

_Yes. Running into Ella is exactly what this day needed. It's the rancid ice cream on top of what was a good pie._ "Ella. Didn't expect to see you."

"What she means is we _hoped_ we wouldn't see you." Rachel remarked.

Ella arched a brow. "I'm sorry but I'm not fluent in slut."

The redhead rolled her big brown eyes. "Ooh another slut jab because I haven't heard that before."

Ella hunched her shoulders. "I'm sure you hear it twenty-four, seven actually. I'm just trying to help fill your quota."

_Oy_. "Ella just stop it, okay? Being mean to Rachel isn't doing any of us any favors and it doesn't make you look good in comparison."

"Whatever." The other girl huffed. "I'm still trying to figure out why you _insist_ on hanging out with her. Is she blackmailing you?"

There was absolute delight in Rachel's voice as she said, "Actually Ripley and I are _dating_ now. She's my girlfriend."

Ella blinked in disbelief. "Bullshit."

"No it's totally true. So see maybe if you _were_ fluent in slut you two would still be together." Rachel grinned widely. "Tell her, Rip."

_Yes please drag me into this_. "Yeah it's true. Rachel and I are dating."

Ella opened and closed her mouth like a fish. When she couldn't decide on a scathing comeback, she lunged at Rachel, her nails going directly for her face. Rachel yelped and jerked back but was still scratched across the chest. She shoved Ella away from her and hit her with one of her bags.

_Normally two hot chicks fighting over me would be beyond hot but since this is the only mall in Tree Hill_… "Stop it!" Ripley stepped between them. "Ella just give it up. Seriously. Please?"

"Fine. If you're stupid enough to be with her then you deserve whatever pain she brings your way." Ella stomped off dramatically.

And Ripley suddenly had a headache.

"Ya know my life was never this insane until I started hanging out with you." She said to Rachel.

Rachel gently patted at the scratches on her chest, keeping her head down. "Yeah I tend to have that affect on people."

Ripley took one of her hands and entwined their fingers together. "You have other affects too." Tipping up Rachel's chin, she pecked her lips softly. "Let's get something to eat. I'm gonna need to recharge if you wanna do more shopping."


	9. There's Something, You've Got Something

**Disclaimer: **OTH belongs to the CW. All song lyrics belong to their respective owners.

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, I hadn't realized it had been that long! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! _ETA:_ I have turned on moderated anonymous reviews because of a review issue but anonymous reviews are still accepted, I just have to approve them. :)

Chapter Nine: There's Something, You've Got Something I Can't Resist

_Tric_ served alcohol even though most of the people who frequented the place were teenagers. Of course you had to be twenty-one to _get_ alcohol but that never stopped those that really wanted it. Rachel sort of _really_ wanted some but she wasn't sure how Ripley felt about underage drinking and she wanted to be sober for her first time hearing her girlfriend's band play. Man that was an odd sentence; at least it was for her considering her past. Going from numerous guys to one weird chick that for some reason made her heart thud faster and butterflies erupt into her stomach.

Rachel had no clue why Ripley affected in her the way no one else did except for Cooper but she'd been in love with Cooper and she was sure she wasn't in love with Ripley. They hadn't even been together long enough for that to happen, and honestly she wasn't sure if she believed in love anymore. Everyone she tended to love let her down or walked out on her. The thought of Ripley doing the same hurt more than she was willing to let on.

_I shouldn't even be thinking about that crap or I might jinx something_. _How did love come up anyway?_ _I was musing about Tric._

It was New Year's Eve and the place was packed with people ready to celebrate or already celebrating. Ripley's band T_he Blonde Theory_ was poised to play in a few minutes and Rachel found herself wondering if the blonde was nervous. She didn't look it from where she stood on the stage, tuning her guitar and smiling to her band mates. What she looked was insanely hot—_funny that I notice that about girls now. Or a girl_.

Ripley was dressed in a ripped black t-shirt over a red wife beater and tight black skinny jeans. Her blue eyes were painted smoky and her lips were blood red; she looked like a sexy vampire about to seduce her dinner. _And I'm her dinner. That shouldn't be hot but it is. I kinda wanna see what red kiss prints would look like on my skin._

"Look at you perving on your girlfriend." Brooke said in a sing-song voice as she walked up. On her head was a glittery purple hat with 2007 sprawled across the front. "She does look nice tonight. Do you know what they are going to play?"

Rachel shook her head. "Nope but I'm excited to find out."

Brooke grinned. "You guys gonna kiss at midnight? I'm trying to find someone to lock lips with. If no one pops up I guess I'll kiss Mouth unless Gigi is with him. God, what if I have no one to kiss?"

Rachel chuckled. "Then I guess that would make you a total loser." She patted her shoulder. "Maybe if your ass was smaller someone would be interested in you."

Brooke slapped at her hand. "Oh you're just mad because you're not the prettiest one in your relationship anymore." Sticking out her tongue, she meandered into the crowd possibly to find someone to kiss when the clock struck twelve.

The redhead smirked and leaned against the bar, picking out the faces of the people she knew. Pretty much everyone was here from the loners to the stoners and that was kinda strange because cliques didn't usually group together. They were called _cliques_ for a reason. Maybe they just wanted to belong for one night or whatever. Maybe they just wanted to experience something with their high school gang once before everyone went their own separate way. Of course there was still prom but dressing up wasn't for everybody.

She was looking forward to it however. She wanted to buy a ridiculously expensive dress, get her hair done and make all of the other girls insanely jealous. She wanted to dance and drink stale punch and not spend the night giving blow jobs in the boys' locker room like she'd done at her junior prom. The memory made her frown and she exhaled deeply, wetting her lips when the smell of a strawberry daiquiri rolled her stomach with nausea.

Out of all the reasons Ripley shouldn't be involved with her, her sexual history was probably number one. Because yeah she could stop being a bitch and stop constantly striving to be the center of attention, but she couldn't go back in time and not be a whore. She couldn't erase the imprint of their hands from her skin…no matter how hot the water or how hard she scrubbed.

And then there was Ripley. Still technically a virgin Ripley since she'd never been with a guy and therefore chances were her hymen was very much intact. And even if it wasn't she'd still only been with one other person.

_Geeze_. _Oh God I'm dating a cooler version of Haley_.

"Hey Rachel."

_You're in public, remember? Image. Image_. Plastering on a fake smile, she turned to the owner of the voice and found that her smile turned real. "Meadow, hey. I didn't know you were going to be here tonight."

Meadow giggled and shrugged. "I thought I'd come support Rip since we are family and stuff. Oh um this is Patrick, my boyfriend." She motioned to the lanky guy beside her that gave a low _hey_.

Rachel liked Meadow— though she liked all of the Sinclairs to be honest. They were easy to get along with and funny and she liked how Meadow obviously thought she was cool because she was popular. Usually people using her for social standing made her angry but Ripley's little sister was rather adorable and there was no malicious intent behind her actions.

"I'm sure Ripley is happy you're here. You look so cute by the way. I love your dress." Rachel gestured to her outfit.

Meadow's smile grew. "Thanks! I wanted to wear the jacket you got Rip for Christmas but she's like hoarding it."

Rachel chuckled. "Well I'll try to soften her up a bit about it. See if I can get her to let you wear it sometime."

Those words turned out to be magic because Meadow squealed with happiness. "That would be awesome! I promise I won't ruin it or anything!" Pause. "She's just being a jerk because of this one time where I—well I ripped a big hole in her favorite shirt with some weird cartoon on it from Japan. But she could have just ordered another one online. Instead she chose to ban me from ever borrowing her clothes again."

"Must be a big sister thing." Rachel replied. "When I was little I wanted a brother or sister but my parents barely had time to take care of me so I suppose it was good they didn't have more kids."

Meadow's expression turned thoughtful. "You could be my big sister-in-law if you wanted. You are dating my actual sister and I'm sure you know more about fashion than she does. I'd love some extra pointers."

_This family…seriously were they hatched from some kinda tree or something_? "That sounds like fun actually. We should go shopping one day if Ripley doesn't mind."

"She won't! I know she won't!" Meadow exclaimed. "She thinks you're awesome. She'd agree to whatever you wanted."

The lights flickered and everyone turned their attention to the stage where Peyton stood. Lucas and Haley were out of the hospital but still taking it easy which meant Haley was at home with Nathan and Lucas was at a table nursing a glass of water. Peyton had been flittering around him all night, making sure he ate and didn't strain himself going to the bathroom or whatever. She looked happy though so that had to count for something.

"What's up Tree Hill?" She yelled giddily. "Most of you know our band tonight because they are some of our own. So are you ready to rock in the New Year with The Blonde Theory?" The crowd cheered and she stuck the microphone back into its' stand. "Then I won't keep you waiting. Ladies and gentlemen…The Blonde Theory!"

Peyton scurried off the stage and Ripley stepped up to the microphone, flashing a bright smile before wetting her lips and being counted off by her drummer. Her nimble fingers started in on her guitar and her voice began to flow throughout the club, and Rachel found herself transfixed as the kooky girl she knew transformed into a swaggering rock goddess.

_Since you're high,since you steal_

_Since you hate everything I feel_

_Since you cheat, since you lie_

_Since you don't wanna try things I wanna try_

_Since you've been gone, my life has moved along quite nice-ly actually_

_I've got a lot more friends and I don't have to pretend_

_Since you're gone, since you're gone_

Holy crap they're good! And Ripley is...amazing.

_Since you're not what I want, you can take everything I've got_

_Take the sink, take the drier_

_If I say I love you I am a liar_

_Since you've been gone, my life has moved along quite nice-ly actually_

The throng of people—old and young—were jumping and moving to the music. Watching Ripley's every move and the way her lips formed words close to the microphone, the way she bounced on her toes and didn't seem to notice or care when her hair got in her face. It was clear to anyone that she was having a total blast and her energy was electric.

Rachel had been to concerts before and she'd messed around with guys in bands, and she knew it was cliché to say but the feelings watching Ripley invoked were different. She couldn't stop staring at her fingers and the way they plucked the strings of her guitar, like she knew them intimately. Like she knew without sight which one made which sound; and they were more than ready to make whatever sound she wanted. In truth it made her squirm and she bit her lip to keep from smiling.

_My sexy rocker girlfriend is turning me on and I'm kinda proud. How weird is that?_

She was tempted to get closer to the stage so that she could look up at Ripley and give her flirty smiles but she didn't want to break her concentration. Also she liked sort of being in the background; it gave her a better look at the whole scene. Later she could tell Ripley how the crowd had responded; assure her that everyone had a good time.

By the time the song came to a close Ripley's cheeks were red and Rachel was fighting the urge to throw herself at her or drag her into the bathroom for something dirty. It was a familiar feeling but more organic.

And if she clapped and cheered just a little bit louder than everyone else? Well that was totally okay too.

Honestly she had been a little afraid that her attraction to Ripley would wane after they hooked up because she didn't have the longest attention span when it came to people. Not to mention they weren't even having sex so there wasn't that to fall back on. Ripley didn't have wash board abs like Cooper and she didn't worship her like Mouth, so why were they working out so well? Why were the butterflies _so_ much bigger than she'd ever experienced before? And why wasn't she terrified that it could all go wrong?

_The Blonde Theory_ performed two more songs before taking a break and letting the dj take over. Ripley sat her guitar aside and hopped off the stage, strolling to the bar for something cold to drink, grinning as she was congratulated along the way.

Rachel hiked up her boobs and waltzed over. "So what do I have to do to get backstage with the band? I'd do _anything_ to meet the lead singer."

Ripley smirked and looked her over slowly. "Flash me your tits and we'll talk."

Rachel laughed. "But if I show them to you what will I have to show the lead singer?"

Ripley wiggled her brows up and down. "Well you could prove to her if you're a real redhead or not. I hear she's been wondering."

The other girl snorted. "Tell her I am one hundred percent ginger."

The blonde snickered. "Does ginger taste anything like cinnamon? I'm kinda in the mood for a little."

_Flirty Ripley makes me wonder what drunk Ripley would be like_. "You looked great up there, like you were really in your element"

Ripley reached for her drink gleefully when it was served, immediately sucking at the pink straw. "I mostly do it for the guys. They're way into being discovered and being featured on MTV or something."

"What happens if someone wants to give you a record deal?"

"I…don't know. I guess I figure that will never happen. If it does I might try to do the famous thing with them unless I'm not needed. Eric actually has a pretty decent voice too."

Rachel sidled up closer to her. "So Brooke was going on and on about having someone to kiss at midnight and…it got me to thinking about us. We don't have to if you don't want to but it is a Gattina tradition. Unfortunately."

Ripley arched a brow. "Why wouldn't I want to? If anything I thought _you_ wouldn't want to. Everyone you know is here."

As truthful as that was and as nervous as Rachel was about how other people would perceive their relationship, she also didn't want to miss out on _being_ in a relationship and all the things that came with it. Like having someone to smooch on New Year's Eve. "True but I don't—okay I care but if I spent the rest of our relationship always thinking about others we'll never do anything. And I want normal."

The blonde finished her drink with a little giggle. "Sorry to tell you but if you want normal you shouldn't be dating me. But I'm glad you are." She kissed her cheek. "I'm not much for confrontations but if anyone gives you any grief for being with me just let me know. I got your back."

_It was stupid how Ripley could say something so normal or so small and yet make it have such an impact on me. God I need some serious therapy_. "Okay."

They chatted about nothing in particular for a few more moments until Ripley was needed back on stage. She pushed her hair out of her face and sighed, tonguing at her bottom lip idly. "Um we haven't played this song for anyone but I guess now is as good a time as ever. I think everyone can relate to it."

The lights dimmed, the chords started and couples started to meld closer and sway to the sounds of the music as Ripley began to sing.

_I don't mean to run_

_But every time you come around I feel more alive_

_Than ever_

_And I guess it's too much_

_Maybe we're too young_

_And I don't even know what's real_

_But I know I never_

_Wanted anything so bad_

_I've never wanted anyone so_ bad

_If I let you love me_

_Be the one adored_

_Would you go all the way?_

_Be the one I'm looking for_

Rachel's throat suddenly closed tight and she had to fight to swallow, feeling totally exposed and yet no one was even paying her any attention. Everyone was staring at the band; at Ripley and her soft lips and her crooning voice and the way she'd smile at her friend Eric when he'd come in with background vocals. But the words, the _words_ were raw and honest, and even though she figured they had nothing to do with her she couldn't stop herself from thinking. Wondering. Hoping. Fearing. Because they could _be_ about her or they could be from her; her own little poem to the weird blonde girl that had wedged herself into places in Rachel's life that she'd long thought dead.

_If I let you love me_

_(If I say)_

_Be the one adored_

_(It's okay)_

_Would you go all the way?_

_(You can stay)_

_Be the one I'm looking for_

The song continued with its' slow lazy drawl, the second verse fading into the chorus and Ripley's talent with her guitar. By the time it was over the crowd was enthralled and Rachel felt jittery but in a good way. Everyone started murmuring that it was almost midnight and before she really knew what she was doing, she was hurrying towards the stage and pulling herself up onto it. She smiled at Ripley and when the five—four—three—two—finally reached one, wrapped her arms around her neck and kissed her.

It wasn't a statement or something to get a rise out of anyone; it was just one girl kissing another because she wanted to. Because at that moment nothing else made as much sense.

And when she pulled back to glittery confetti raining down from the ceiling and _Auld Lang Syne_ playing over the speakers, for once her mind didn't immediately tell her to look around and see if anyone was whispering about her. It told her to wish her girlfriend a Happy New Year, so she did.

* * *

><p>Classes resumed with a dull whisper but Haley still didn't feel up to going back just yet. Lucas however soldiered on albeit with a rather haunted look in his eyes. One that was sure to get better once Peyton got done with him. Throughout the day Brooke pretended to be outraged over the whole tutor key thing until she got the results of her Calculus quiz back with less than stellar results. Way less. Which is why—Rachel being the amazing friend she was—snatched up her copy of the keys to the test cabinet and suggested they hurry to get the test before the school closed down for the night.<p>

She even went along with Brooke's silly idea to _dress the part_ but only because she looked great in a cat suit.

"I am so rocking this cat suit I could _totally_ be a thief." Brooke mused happily.

Rachel snorted. "Good, because a lot of kids who flunk out of school end up working as thieves."

Brooke rolled her eyes, jerking to a stop so that she could peer into one of the afterschool project rooms. The Clean Teens were having a meeting. "Little late for a Clean Teen meeting, don't you think?"

Rachel laughed. "What else do virgins have to do at night?" Pause. "I think Ripley's sister is dating a Clean Teen. I feel kinda sorry for her. Must be tough knowing your boyfriend will never put out."

Her friend arched a brow. "Isn't she like fifteen or sixteen?"

_So_? "So? We were doing worse at her age. I know I was."

Brooke glanced around slowly as they reached the Tutor Center. "Yeah and now you're abstaining. Why is this by the way? Ripley waiting until marriage too?"

"No. She—she's taking things slow so that I don't freak out." She said honestly. "I think it's sweet."

"Aw Rachel, are you blushing?" Brooke teased lightly. "That's so cute. Now stand guard." She hurried over to the test cabinet, opened it and began to riffle though. "But speaking of Ripley, what would she think about this little petty crime of ours?"

That she didn't have the answer to but she could guess. "One reason I like Ripley so much is because she doesn't blast me stuff or judge me. She'd probably say it's insane but she wouldn't lecture me."

"I've heard people talking about you two. Tree Hills' own lesbian couple. You're all the rage." Brooke found what she was looking for and yanked it out with an _ah_ _ha_. "Especially considering…well you know. Your previous slut life."

"Oh just come on before we get caught." The redhead instructed, peeping into the hallway.

The brunette frowned when she discovered no pockets. "This thing doesn't have any pockets!"

_Oy_. "I told you we should've worn cargo pants."

Brooke growled and shoved the papers into her boot. "Well, whoever designed this has no concept of functional thief-wear."

_Sometimes I have no idea where Brooke gets this crap_. "Well, maybe you should design a line of clothing for criminals. Come on."

Now a few things happened directly after Brooke was _finally_ ready to go. They did a little victory squee quietly and then sauntered down the hall towards the exit…before running into Principal Turner who favored them with a questioning look, wanting to know what in the world were they doing at school so late. And really the words had just flown out of Rachel's mouth for lack of a better excuse that they were there for the damn _Clean_ _Teen_ meeting!

Them.

Brooke Davis and Rachel Gattina. Clean Teens.

It was like something out of a nineties teen movie starring Rachel Leigh Cook. He believed it though so that was all that mattered. Unfortunately they had to honestly attend the meeting and become actual Clean Teens. Like now you're a virgin for life and here is your complimentary purity ring and snazzy t-shirt. No man parts in your lady parts but feel free to Brooke yourself to death.

"Um I don't mean to be difficult but I'm dating a girl so…how does this work for me?" Rachel inquired.

Shelly—Clean Teen Queen—blinked. "Oh well you'd abstain from sex with her just like you would with a guy. Until you married her which is legal in some states. A virgin is a virgin and sex is sex."

_Explaining this to Ripley later is going to be so awkward_. "Count me in then."

Brooke looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown but she also agreed because neither of them could afford Turner finding out the _real_ reason they'd been at school so late. "Yeah sure count me in too or whatever."

Shelly was ecstatic. "Congratulations ladies. I now pronounce you virgins for life."

_Oh my God they are clapping_.

"You still look like a slut." Brooke murmured.

"And you still smell like a whore." Rachel shot back.

"What is your smoking hot girlfriend going to say when she learns you won't be putting out?" The brunette questioned lowly.

"Maybe she'll be into getting to deflower me." Her friend mused. "I would be."

* * *

><p>After school the next day instead of going to her mother's shop, Ripley decided she would remove their Christmas decorations. There was a kind of unspoken tradition to leave them up until after New Years for good luck or something that like most in Tree Hill her family prescribed to. But now it was just January and she didn't want them to be the people that kept their lights up way too long. There was nothing sadder than a Santa turning green with mold because he'd been out on the lawn too long.<p>

Her fingers were cold in her blue gloves but she worked quickly, making sure not to knot the cords. She could hear Meadow's music from inside and she hummed along, letting her thoughts drift around absently. Things were going well for her and she didn't want to jinx anything but they were. Her family was thriving and healthy, her friends were happy and she was in a stable relationship with a beautiful girl.

A beautiful girl that was calling herself a Clean Teen now. Patrick had been buzzing with the news when he'd told her and her sister. Explained in great detail how Rachel and Brooke Davis had joined their club and promised to be virgins for life, something that made Meadow laugh so hard she'd slipped into a coughing fit.

Ripley's teasing about the Clean Teens wasn't malicious in any way. In fact she usually did it just to get a rise out of Meadow but she couldn't deny having no clue why Rachel would join. She'd been worried that she'd had a freak out about dating a girl only to learn it was a cover story to hide the crime of stealing a test from the tutor center.

Only Rachel and Brooke would think of something so outlandish and actually have it _work_.

Funny enough however more people were talking about "Rachel Gattina, Clean Teen" instead of "Rachel Gattina, Lesbian/Bisexual."

High school was so weird.

The sound of a vehicle arriving made her look to the road and she watched as Rachel's large black SUV pulled up into the driveway. Rachel hopped out, bundled her coat around her and strolled over. "Hey girlfriend." She ducked in and kissed her softly. "What's up?"

Ripley smiled. "Hey. Just taking down our lights and stuff. How's your second virginity going?"

Rachel made a face. "Are you gonna tease me about that forever?"

Ripley shook her head. "Not forever no. Just until it stops being funny."

Rachel pouted. "You're mean. I should go home where I wouldn't have to put up with this meanness."

The blonde motioned inside. "There is hot cocoa. I made it in advance for my family but you are welcomed to some."

"I hate how easily you can seduce me." She groaned. "I'm pure now just so you know."

Ripley laughed, removing the bright red bows from the windowsills. "I respect your purity. In fact I'm not gonna make a move on you at all because I know how that would upset you. Even though I find you increasingly sexy and think we've reached the stage in our relationship where dry humping would be okay."

Rachel shoved her playfully. "Shut up. I thought you said you'd teach me how to cook?"

_I did say that._ "Eh I can do this later then." Pushing everything out of the way, Ripley entered her house and started removing her coat. It was nice and warm due to the fire. "Tonight we are making a yummy pot roast with cute little baby potatoes and mac and cheese."

In her green Clean Teen shirt Rachel looked younger than she ever had before. Her smile was bright and real, not the one she put on yet thought no one noticed. Ripley noticed though. "And let me guess? It's going to be so good I'm going to eat more than I want to. I swear I could gain weight so easily if I ate here every night. I'd get fat again and then you'd break up with me."

"No I wouldn't." Ripley tossed her gloves onto the counter and pulled the potatoes out of the fridge. "You'd still be you. Just with bigger boobs."

"Hey! My boobs are perfect, the doctor told me so." She pushed out her chest. "See? The best that money can buy."

Because she was in a good playful mood, Ripley reached over and cupped her breast. "Feels good to me."

Rachel tried not to smile but it happened anyway blooming across her pretty face. "Yeah well you should _see_ them if you really wanna be amazed. I'm sure that could be arranged by the way."

Ripley smirked. "I'll tell you what. You peel those potatoes and afterwards I'll let you thrill me."

"Deal. Um does it matter if they're not perfectly round by the time I'm done? The potatoes of course."

"Ha no it's fine. Just don't cut yourself."

They worked in a comfortable silent for a while as Rachel removed the skins and dropped them into the trash and Ripley beat the roast with a tenderizer, Meadow's music still floating down the stairs. It wasn't until she realized that she'd been singing along to Depeche Mode's _I Want It All_ that she noticed Rachel watching her. "What?"

"Nothing." She wet her lips. "I'm just—I like it here. I can't remember if I've ever said but I do. And I like you."

"I like you too." Ripley bumped her shoulder. "You don't have to keep saying it. I mean you can because I like hearing it but I don't need confirmation all the time. I believe you."

"I know. I just wanna make sure especially since I get that I'm not the good girl type." She frowned. "I don't wanna do anything to make you think I'm not worth it. Like breaking into the tutoring center of whatever."

"Hey no. I get why you did what you did. Stealing is bad but you did it because you wanna help Brooke." Ripley shrugged. "Besides I'm not a total _good girl_ either. I've stolen before from like department stores and shit. You have a good heart Rachel; I'm sure anyone who looked hard enough could see that. Luckily though I don't have to because you're not afraid to show it to me."

She studied the knife in her hand. "You're one of the few people that's never judged me. God that list is so small, Rip. Even Brooke didn't make it until recently. I've never had a relationship like this before and not just cause you're a girl. It's…everything else. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it."

Wiping her hands on a towel, Ripley moved behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her chin on her shoulder. "You deserve many good things, Rachel Gattina. And this is just one of what I'm sure will be plenty more." She kissed her ear. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, baby. After all nobody's perfect."


	10. And You're Shining In the Distance

**Disclaimer:** OTH belongs to the CW. All song lyrics belong to their respective owners.

**A/N**: Sorry for the long wait, again! I'm getting back in the saddle with this fic though so hopefully updates won't be so sparse. Thank you for all of the reviews!

Chapter Ten: And You're Shining In the Distance, I Hope I Can Make It Through

_"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then, one day, you feel something else, something that feels wrong, but only because it's so unfamiliar, and in that moment you realize you're happy." (Lucas Scott)_

Most people had suspected that something was going on between Ripley and Rachel but the New Years' kiss actually made their suspicions a reality. Honestly Ripley had expected more of a fanfare and some of the cheerleaders _had_ been giving her the evil eye but for the most part people kept their opinions on _their_ relationship to themselves. She knew they were curious and probably dying for details but Rachel's tendency to do whatever she wanted was like the answer to everything. _Oh Rachel's bisexual now. Yeah, we all saw that coming._ Ripley of course didn't focus on any of that. To her walking through the hallways and being noticed wasn't anything new considering her sexual orientation. And while most were okay with keeping to their own circles to chat a few of the jocks had congratulated her on bagging such a hottie.

A few even wanted to know her secret.

There were only a few opinions that she gave a damn about though; those of her friends. While them liking or not liking Rachel wouldn't change what was going on she still sort of wanted their support. She wasn't asking for a miracle where Glenda was concerned but now that they were talking again she knew she could rant to her if she needed and that her best friend would listen. Even if the subject made her roll her eyes so hard she nearly hurt herself. The guys on the other hand were, naturally, a_ll_ for the hook up.

Sitting at her usual table at lunch with her gang, she smirked when her friends started in on the change in her social life.

"In honor of this momentous occasion I think our dear Ripley should take us all out for drinks tonight." Eric said with a big grin. "I mean we should really be celebrating."

Glenda shook up her small milk before prying open the lid. "Why? What for?"

He took a bite of his sandwich. "Ripley is _fucking_ Rachel Gattina. Now I know sex isn't cause for confetti and sparklers but let's take a look at the facts. One, Rachel had only ever been with guys before Ripley came along. Two, Rachel had been with _a_ _lot_ of guys before Ripley gayed her up. The fact that Ripley was able to gay her up at all means she is a bad ass motherfucker and we should all bow down before her."

Ripley laughed and shook her head. "Rachel and I aren't having sex…not that it's any of your business. We're taking things slow. Which is what you should be doing unless you wanna choke on that ham."

He shrugged and swallowed. "You're still dating like one of the hottest chicks in school. We all approve."

Glenda rolled her eyes. "Speak for yourself. Oh, sorry Rip."

The blonde waved a hand, just happy that she was back on speaking terms with her best friend. All things considered the reactions from the guys were exactly how she figured they'd go. No jealously or disbelief; just amusement and teases about obvious game that she wasn't sure she had. She hadn't played Rachel or tricked her into dating her, she'd just been sincere and apparently that is something Rachel wasn't used to but responded to just the same.

"Is she serious about the Clean Teen stuff?" Jeremy inquired. "When I saw her in that shirt I thought I was going to pass out. Talk about a hot virgin."

"I suppose so. Her and Brooke are going to meetings and stuff." Ripley explained chuckling. "Don't ask me how that happened because I have been _sworn_ to secrecy. She does look cute in her shirt though, doesn't she?"

"I wanna eat it off her." Eric grunted. "Am I not allowed to perv on her anymore now that you are dating her?"

"One would think." Toby replied, eying him. "I'm happy for you Rip. You two looked so happy on New Years."

Ripley smiled at the memory. "That was a great night. I tell ya it's so weird sometimes to be dating her but I'm having a good time. She's nothing like people think. Well okay she is a _little_ like people think but when we're together she's just _Rachel_."

Glenda pretended to gag but it was tinged with a grin. "I seriously have to get myself a _real_ boyfriend because my fake one is putting me in the poor house. Not to mention nothing I send myself has my mom batting an eyelash. Next I'm going for like some S&M gear or something."

Ripley laughed. "I bet there are dudes just dying to ask you out, Glen. You should smile more because you've got nice smile."

Jeremy nodded. "And stop looking like you're one second away from invoking evil spirits."

She reached over and hit his shoulder. "Oh shut up! I don't think I am the problem. I think Tree Hill is the problem. They are used to a certain type and I _totally_ don't fit it."

Ripley shrugged, sticking a straw into her Capri Sun. "With graduation right around the corner I don't think it matters who we are now. We're all going to go off to college or move out of state, and then we can start over."

Eric pouted. "You don't plan to stick with Rachel for like, ever and ever?"

It was honestly something that she hadn't thought about. People often said that high school romances hardly ever worked out but she wasn't against giving it a try if Rachel was game. Her thing would be wondering if Rachel wanted to keep her options open once school was over. Maybe she would wanna go back to guys once she was out in the big bad world. Maybe she just wouldn't want to be monogamous. It was something they should talk about however. She'd rather know the deal upfront than start planning for something that would never happen.

She cleared her throat. "I don't know, dude. It's not something we have talked about."

Glenda sipped her milk. "Do you think you could see yourself with her long term?"

Running her fingers through her long blonde hair, she let her eyes track over to where Rachel and Brooke were sitting, chatting with Shelly and her other _Clean Teen_ pals. "Maybe. It depends on what we both want out of life. I mean I want a family and I want to travel. I want what my parents have." Pause. "She was raised _extremely_ different from all that so perhaps she's not into it. Then again she likes hanging out with my family and I so…I don't know. We'll see how things play out."

Toby offered up a small smile. "Why don't we all just focus on Prom? Or at least those of us that don't have dates."

"Don't remind me!" Eric and Jeremy wailed in unison.

"I'm going stag." Glenda said proudly. "It's the one thing I'm actually looking forward to for some stupid reason. Never thought I was the type that would want to dress up"

"I think it'll be fun." Ripley wiggled her brows up and down. "It's the one night when there shouldn't be any bullshit because everyone thinks they look too good to start any."

Jeremy elbowed her in the side. "Will you be _sealing the deal_ on Prom night in the back of Rachel's SUV? God that would be so hot. Not…your part in it but her."

Ripley laughed. "So I'd just be some faceless shadow?"

He rubbed his chin and chomped on a French fry. "Pretty much, yes. I mean you're hot Rip but you're _Rip._ That would be like fantasizing about my sister if I had a sister. It would be like fantasizing about _Toby's_ sister."

Toby balked. "Hey! You used to babysit for her."

His friend grinned. "Exactly."

Shaking her head the blonde tore open her bag of chips. She tuned out as Toby and Jeremy got into light funny argument about Toby's little sister Claire and looked again to where Rachel and Brooke were sitting. A guy she had never seen before had joined their conversation; both girls looked quite taken with him and it made her snort. The thought of Rachel checking out some cute guy—and she could recognize when a guy was cute—didn't bother her the way she thought perhaps it should. She wasn't sure why she trusted that Rachel wouldn't cheat on her but she did. Maybe because the Rachel that chased cock wasn't the same Rachel that relaxed into her arms when they lounged on her bed to talk about nothing.

_I think she's serious about our relationship. At least I hope she is. Maybe I should bring this up though I don't wanna upset her by making her think I don't trust her. Man, how did this happen? How am I already so into her? I was supposed to be protecting myself_.

Glenda leaned into her space, speaking lowly so that the boys couldn't hear. "You okay?" She followed the blonde's bright blue eyes. "Ooh new guy. Worried Rachel might mount him?"

Ripley frowned. "No. Or I wasn't…"

Glenda patted her shoulder. "Hey I was just kidding. Besides it looks like Brooke's got dibs anyway." Pause. "I know I'm not her biggest fan but it's obvious you make her happy. She'd be a fool to throw that away for a quick fuck."

Ripley tugged at her friend's hair. "You're sweet. And I hope you're right. I didn't know I was going to like Rachel the way I do. I mean it's not at _Ella_ _levels_ but it's fun. If she dissed me like that I have to admit, it would hurt."

The other girl snorted. "If she cheated on you I would beat her fake breasted head in."

"I'm really feeling the love here."

"Good. That's what I am. A giant Goth ball of love."

* * *

><p>There were quite a few things Rachel got into before she hooked up with Ripley. A very wide range of shit that would make even the raunchiest person blush. Her exploits were probably archived somewhere and might prevent her from being able to get a good job someday, not that she cared. She figured she was fabulous enough to make it on her good looks especially if Brooke's clothing line really took off and she could wheedle a job out of her good friend. And if not her parents were loaded so she was set for life.<p>

Anyway though yeah she'd done bad things and sometimes those bad things came back to bite her in the ass either in the form of being expelled from several schools or—just recently—being kicked out of _Clean Teens_. She didn't care because it had been nothing but a cover but really, Shelly did not have to embarrass her in front of everyone like that. So pre-Ripley she'd went to a frat party and danced with her top off? So she might have…_stolen_ a _Clean Teen_ shirt back then just for kicks and worn it to said party; it wasn't like she writhed against a pole while guys stuffed money down her panties.

That she had always been saving for her twenty first birthday.

Her point however was that having super born again virgin Shelly yell at her in front of a room of pathetic nerds and then _demand_ she hand in her _Virgin for Life_ t-shirt had been totally uncalled for! Not to mention her and Ripley hadn't even been able to have any fun with the shirt first. Also Meadow's boyfriend's eyes had bloomed to the size of quarters at the sight of the tape. _Bet he'll be telling Meadow ASAP. She won't look up to me anymore probably._

_Of course stripping off my top in front of everyone probably didn't win me any points either but I couldn't let that bitch know she'd ruffled me. I can't_ believe _Brooke didn't go with me though! Seriously selling me out for a guy? I mean I get it and probably would have done it in the past myself but…c'mon! I was making a stand for Christ's sake!_

Sighing, Rachel stalked to her locker in nothing but a short denim skirt and lacy blue bra, quickly putting in her combination. She threw open the metal door and yanked out a simple gray hoodie, slipping it on with a smile. It was Ripley's hoodie; she'd left it at her house and she had kept meaning to give it back to her but was now happy she'd forgotten. Otherwise she'd have to go home topless. School was out for the day but after school activities were in full swing and she got the feeling Principal Turner frowned on public bouts of semi nudity.

Closing her locker when she was done, she turned and headed towards the main doors and outside across the parking lot. There was a girl pacing in front of her SUV with long dark red hair wearing all black, including black lipstick. Rachel had seen her with Ripley a few times and she knew they were friends, though it didn't explain why she was _here_ now.

"Um hello?" Rachel said slowly. "Can I help you?"

The girl looked up. "Yeah. I'm Glenda—I'm Ripely's best friend."

_Glenda. Right_. "Oh hey. What's up? Do you need a ride or something?"

Glenda shook her head. "No I…look. We don't know each other and to be honest I don't think much of you. I've heard all about you and maybe it's not fair to judge based on gossip but it's not like it's not true. You'd done some bad shit and you—you didn't give a fuck who you hurt in the process." Pause. "And whatever. Fine. But Ripley and I have been friends for a _long_ time and she's awesome. She's always been there for me and for some unknown reason she really likes you. So I just want to tell you that if you hurt her, I will rip every strand of dyed red hair out of your head and make you eat it. Are we clear?"

Usually Rachel would insult anyone who dared to say something like that to her but for once she didn't because truth be told she kinda liked the sentiment behind it. It was sweet that Ripley had a friend willing to beat someone up if they hurt her feelings and made her wish she also had someone willing to do that for her.

"We're clear." She replied. "For what it's worth though, I really like her too. I know you might not believe that but it's the true."

"I hope it is." Glenda folded her arms over her chest. "Especially for Rip's sake." Without another word she turned and headed for a van.

Rachel could appreciate a girl with guts even if her fashion sense left a lot to be desired.

* * *

><p>The door opened and slammed shut downstairs to signal that Brooke was home. Rachel rolled her eyes and continued applying her make up in front of her vanity, wearing nothing but panties and a soft small little blue robe. She really didn't have anything to say to the brunette and wanted to just focus on getting ready for her night out with Bevin and a few of the other cheerleaders, the ones still talking to her of course. She'd sort of been neglecting them—especially Bevin, not that she was coherent enough to notice—since hooking up with Ripley and she wanted to make it up to them. It was funny though because for as dumb as Bevin was she was totally supportive about her new found sexuality. Though her wanting to know details was kinda weird.<p>

"Hey. We have a problem." Brooke hurried into the room.

"Yeah, you stabbed me in the back from the front." Rachel mused fiddling with her hair.

Brooke blinked. "Okay we have two problems. Did you return the calculus exams that we stole?"

Rachel shrugged; she honestly couldn't remember. "Maybe." Pausing, she looked up at her friend. "Okay I forgot."

Appalled, Broke shouted, "Rachel! Turner knows the tests are missing, and now he's on a total witch hunt."

Rachel got up and headed to her closet full of many clothes. "Who cares, Brooke? He doesn't know it was us." She pulled down a short black mini skirt. "The bigger problem is how you left me hanging today."

Her friend balked. "You said it yourself; _Clean Teens_ was our alibi. Otherwise, we can't justify why we were in the school that night."

The redhead rolled her eyes, not believing that for a second. Especially since there was a guy involved. "That is not what's going on. You screwed me over for a guy who _won't_ screw you."

"I—oh please, like I couldn't get Chase after a little chase." Brooke mused, following her around the room as she put her outfit together.

Rachel chuckled. "I think you're forgetting something." She tapped the brunette with a plastic clothes hanger. "You see Chase is into smart, born-again-virgin Brooke. Not stupid, slutty, _I cheated on the calculus tes_t Brooke."

Brooke clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "Fine. But have you seen me? Because I could easily have sex with him if I wanted to."

Intrigued, Rachel grinned deviously. "Interesting. Care to bet on that?"

Brooke eyed her for a moment before nodding. "Sure. I bet you that I can totally have sex with Chase. And when I _win_ you have to give me that leather jacket you're so fond of."

"Deal. And when _I_ win you have to be my maid for a week." Rachel winked. "And watch girlie porn with me."

"What? Why? I mean I'll do it but why?"

"I've just been wondering about lesbian sex and thought maybe a porno would help. Like a how to video for the inexperienced."

"Heh you just called yourself inexperienced. That's cute. I don't think _lesbian porn_ is the right way to go though. I'd suggest a book."

"Do they have books on how to make your vagina tighter?"

A laugh broke through Brooke's lips before she could stop it. "Wow. I do think they exist. You should Google it." A beat. "Anyway I have a bet to go win!" She waved with her fingers and then hurriedly changed clothes before darting out of the room and downstairs.

Rachel laughed lightly and flopped down onto her bed, running her fingers through her long hair. Sex with her girlfriend seemed inevitable and she wanted it but she was also worried about certain areas like she'd mentioned to Brooke. Guys never complained but they were working with different equipment and she was under the impression they didn't care as long as they were sticking their cocks into something. _She_ on the other hand had often been left high and dry by a tiny penis. A small dick could be good if the person knew how to use it but most didn't.

She just didn't want Ripley to be disappointed. And _that_ was a new feeling because usually she didn't give a damn if she disappointed anyone because that is _all_ she ever did anyway. Her parents, her former friends—the few they were—herself; after not giving a shit for so long she was scared of the new sensation. It meant she had something to lose and she hated that. Especially when there was still so much she was hiding. Secrets that would tear apart her entire world and maybe even drive her to do something…very bad.

The ringing of her cell phone drew her out of her morbid thoughts and she reached for it. "Hello?"

"What are you wearing?" Came the husky accented voice on the other end.

Rachel laughed. "Just panties and a smile."

"Really?" Ripley inquired. "Damn. Kinda wish I hadn't called while my dad's in the truck."

A gruff laugh sounded and Rachel snorted. "Actually I'm in the first stages of getting ready. Bevin and I are hanging out tonight. Apparently there is going to be stripping or something with Skills and Nathan. You can come if you want."

Ripley snickered. "That's okay. While Nathan and Skills are both handsome I don't really wanna see them getting naked. But um, if you had a few my dad and I are headed to the hardware store and he could check out your leaky sink if you wanted. See if it needed any parts."

Seeing her girlfriend always brought a smile to her face, so the redhead agreed. "That sounds cool. You guys are welcomed to stay even after I leave. I know you're not gonna rob me or anything."

"Not of your valuables, no. But you do have some jeans I like."

"You can borrow anything that fits. You know that."

"I do. I just like messing with you. We'll be there soon."

"Okay. Bye." Hanging up, Rachel tightened the sash on her robe and skipped downstairs into the kitchen.

_I suppose I should be worrying more about the whole calculus test thing but it's not like Turner has any proof it was me and Brooke. If he did he'd have hauled us into his office already. We'll be fine. Brooke won't fail to graduate and I'll continue to be the awesome one who helped her pass_.

_If_ _nothing_ _else_.

Looking in the fridge, she made a mental note to write up a grocery list, things were getting pretty scarce. She could probably pay the maid to do the shopping but she almost kinda wanted to go with Ripley. She didn't know _why_ she wanted this and she had a feeling looking too deeply would stress her out, something she wanted to avoid at all costs. Tonight was about joking around with friends not thinking about things that made no difference. She'd been doing that since the night of Brooke's birthday and nothing had changed.

_That's not true though. Everything has changed. You've changed, drastically_.

Pulling the magnetic pad off the freezer door and digging a pen out of a drawer, she started writing down items to be picked up. She was debating on whether or not to add alcohol to the list when suddenly the back door flew open having been kicked so hard that the hinges bent inward. Rachel screamed as a figure dressed in black rushed into the room and grabbed her upper arms, squeezing hard and tossing her to her floor. She flipped over and immediately started crawling towards the living room, darting under the table and between the chairs as meaty gloved hands snapped at her ankles. She shrieked when one latched on and yanked, dragging her across the smooth linoleum, her arms hitting the table legs painfully, her nails breaking as she tried to find something to hold onto.

"Stop it!" Her attacked yelled slapping her across the face.

His right hand tightened in her robe for leverage, causing the fabric to rip and she jerked roughly, flailing out madly, striking at whatever area of him that she could reach. It was as if her brain had taken her someplace else, to fight some_one_ else.

"Not again!" She shouted repeatedly. "Not again!"

The masked man snatched up a handful of her hair and tugged until tears appeared in her eyes. "I said shut up!"

"Hey!" Came a third voice.

It happened fast; the man holding Rachel down was plucked off of her like he weighed nothing and put into a serious choke hold that had him sputtering, his feet kicking out helplessly. It took Rachel a moment to realize the arm around his neck belonged to Jeffery Sinclair, who wore an expression that he was not here for any bullshit.

"Rachel!" Ripley nearly tripped over her own feet getting to her side. "Hey, hey are you okay?"

"I—I'm fine." Rachel lied, panting rapidly. "I'm fine."

Ripley wrapped her arms around her and helped her up. "You are not fine. Some asshole just tried to rob you or something." She picked up the phone and dialed 911. "Don't worry everything is going to be okay."

Rachel sniffed; she was trembling. "Is your—is your dad going to be okay?"

The blonde looked to where her father was still easily holding the intruder, now having bent the guy's right arm up at a painful angle behind his back. "Yeah. I'd say he's got this. Hello? Yeah I need you to send the police immediately…"

* * *

><p>"This wasn't my idea!" The intruder yelled as he was dragged away by the cops. "I was paid! Some little brunette bitch paid me! I was just doing what I was told!"<p>

Rachel sat on her couch with a blanket around her shoulders watching as the police took statements and traipsed through her house. All she wanted was for them to leave so that she could get dressed, go to the club and pretend this night never happened. She was good at that; she could already feel the numbness setting in and by tomorrow this would be some distant memory she only thought of when she was too drunk to stop it.

Sighing, she smoothed down her hair. "Are they gonna be much longer? I gotta meet Bevin."

Ripley looked at her. "Maybe you should come home with us. Spend the night."

The redhead shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Obviously that asshole was just trying to steal some shit for his crack habit. But the cops got him now so everything is okay."

"Are you sure?" Ripley ran her fingers through her silky red hair. "I know you're a tough chick but this had to have been scary. _I_ would have been scared. It's okay if you are." Pause. "You can come home with me and we'll have a slumber party. And tomorrow I'll make you pancakes."

_That sounds so good. God, why does that have to sound so good_? "I—I don't wanna impose."

"Baby you're never imposing. I like it when you're around." She smiled, entwining their fingers together. "I always do. It's okay to let someone else take care of you sometimes. Especially when that person cares about you like I do."

Words stuck in Rachel's throat so she swallowed hard, pulling Ripley close for a tight hug. She needed her and she _hated_ that she needed her, because needing people left you open for so much devastation and honestly she wasn't sure she could take anymore. Everyone had a breaking point after all. Yet the best way to never reach hers was to either hold on tighter or let go altogether. Letting go was easy because there had never been anything she cared enough to keep, except for Cooper of course. Maybe if he'd cared like she had she wouldn't have went so crazy.

_Or maybe I would have went crazier. Who am I kidding letting go isn't easy. I wanted him because I had nothing and if I lose Ripley I'll go right back to having nothing_.

"I need to tell you something." Rachel whispered. "It's—I just—"

"Oh my god! What happened?!" Brooke slipped past the police on the porch and inside, whipping her head around from side to side. "Rachel! Are you okay? Were we robbed?!"

_Perfect timing as always, Brooke._ "No. It's a long story." _And getting longer by the minute._


	11. And Suddenly You're Deep Enough

**Disclaimer:** OTH belongs to the CW. All song lyrics belong to their respective owners.

**A/N**: Thank you for the reviews! I'm glad people are enjoying this fic because I'm having a blast writing it.

Chapter Eleven: And Suddenly You're Deep Enough, To Lay Your Armor Down

There were some assignments that made Ripley enjoy school though they were few and far between because either way you still had to get up early and stay somewhere all day where you'd rather not be. Not to mention she couldn't snack like she wanted to. But as she sat in Carl's class on Rachel's right side and listened to him outline what they were supposed to do; she could foresee an interesting hour ahead of her, especially since she'd been paired up with Ella. It was almost like the universe was against her by giving her the one person she'd been praying not to get. In a room with Glenda, Rachel or even Brooke she had to get the one person that kinda hated her.

If it was karma at work she wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve it.

She'd hoped to be paired up with her girlfriend so that she could bug her about how she was doing some more. Clearly being home while that guy tried to rob her was a harrowing experience but Rachel just kept saying she was fine. That she didn't wanna talk about it because there was nothing to talk about. But…there was. Things could have gone horrible had her and her dad not shown up. And besides he'd yelled that he was _paid_ to break in so, who had paid him? These were things they needed to be figuring out together.

However she didn't wanna push and upset Rachel so she was letting her off the hook for the most part. Being more attentive without being overbearing or smothering by offering more gentle touches or light kisses; if Rachel cared she didn't let on. She melted against her like in the blonde's arms was somewhere she always wanted to be. So if giving physical comfort worked that was cool too.

Exhaling deeply, she watched Rachel go off with Bevin and Glenda go off with Lucas—of which she was less than thrilled about considering he hadn't known her last name—and slowly glanced to where Ella sat glaring at her. _Might as well get this over with_. Getting up she grabbed a camera from the front of the room and an index card with the questions they were supposed to ask each other. A part of her was curious as to if there were things about Ella she didn't know. If she'd changed that much since they'd broken up.

"You ready to do this?"

Ella huffed but stood. "I guess so. Just try to keep in mind I don't wanna hear about your _friendly_ new girlfriend." Tossing her long dark hair, she stalked out of the room.

_Man this is gonna be so much fun_! "Ella, what is your problem? I mean I get it you don't like Rachel and that is fair enough. But we broke up ages before I got with Rachel so it's not like I cheated on you. People break up and move on. I wouldn't be acting this way if you had someone knew."

"Of course not because nothing ever gets to you." Ella snapped as she stormed down the hall. "You're so fucken placid about everything. You didn't even _try_ to change my mind about anything. You just broke up with me."

"I know how important your future is to you. Why would I try to make you change any of that for something I—I wasn't sure about?" She shook her head. "I loved you, I did. But I didn't wanna pretend that I could plan our life when I knew I couldn't. Would you rather I did and then five or ten years from now I break up with you?"

"I'd rather we didn't break up at all." Ella said softly. "My parents are on my back _all the time_ and you were the only person who understood I was more than a brain. I think I'd be crazy to not want someone like that with me forever."

"Ella, there is no way in hell you won't find someone else who gets you." Ripley followed her into the art room. "You're amazing and it has nothing to do with how smart you are. And you know I don't think there is anything wrong with going after your education. Or telling your parents to lay off."

"That's easy for you to say when your parents are normal."

"I don't know about all that."

"They haven't planned your whole life."

"You don't have to do what your parents want you to do. I know you have a ton of scholarships to a ton of schools. You could go to any and…become a total pothead if you wanted and there is nothing they could do about it."

Ella cracked the tiniest of smiles. "I miss you, Rip." A beat. "Sometimes I thought you were flighty and it annoyed me that you didn't take your future too seriously, but god I miss it. You were fun and you loved me for me."

Ripley pulled herself up onto a table. "I didn't die, El. And I didn't pull away from you. We broke up and you stopped talking to me."

Ella nodded. "I was angry—still am. Even more so now that you're with _Rachel_ of all people. I guess I thought you were just going through a phase and we'd end up together again. But I see you with her and—and she makes you smile and it hurts because _I_ used to make you smile like that."

The blonde lowered her gaze. She didn't want to feel guilty but she couldn't help herself. Once upon a time she had loved Ella dearly and even though she wasn't in love with her anymore, she still didn't want to see her hurt. "I'm sorry."

Wiping at her wet cheeks, Ella chuckled a little. "The funny thing is I know. I _know_ you never set out to hurt me. You're annoyingly perfect like that."

Ripley snorted. "You more than anyone know I'm not perfect. I'm scared and lost just like everyone else. I think I just hide it better…and I do things that distract me."

Wetting her lips, the brunette migrated over and sat in front of her. "You know I'd totally planned to be bitchy and not do this assignment with you. Or at least give bullshit answers."

"You don't say?" Ripley mused. "That's fair."

Ella smiled. "Yeah but, if I get an F my mom will flip her shit and although I kinda wanna see that, I don't want my car taken away from me." Taking the index card, she cleared her throat. "Maybe this could be our mutual white flags? I'm not saying I'm not still mad because I am, but, like I said I do miss you. We used to be good friends too."

"I'd really like that." Ripley replied. "Honestly. Just because we're not dating doesn't mean you can't come to me and rant all you want. I will _always_ listen."

Fiddling with the card in her hand, Ella appeared to think about it for a second before saying, "Share something personal with your partner."

Nothing in life was too cut and dry but Ripley wanted to believe she and her ex could at least get along. Maybe not like they used to but a little could end up going a long way. She just had to show Ella that she was still important to her, much like she'd had to do with Glenda. It wouldn't be easy but she was willing to make the effort if it caused their shaky peace to actually last.

Furrowing her brows at the question, she swung her legs back and forth. "I do worry about my future. I worry that I'm too capricious and that I'll never settle on anything, so I'll never amount to anything. Some days I wanna be an artist and other days I think practicing law would be fun, but really I kinda just wanna float. But floating isn't very adult and whether I like it or not I'm gonna be a real adult someday so…"

Ella nibbled on the inside of her cheek. "This isn't a big thing but I cheated on our last history midterm. I'd studied all night but the next morning it's like everything had just, flew out of my head! I freaked and copied off Emma Hopskins."

Ripley laughed. "No for you that is personal. Wow and kinda deviant."

"Shut up!" The other girl giggled. "I got a B and I wanted to throw myself down some stairs. I actually stood at the top of the ones in my house and thought about it for a good give minutes before realizing it wouldn't take the B away."

_Geeze_. "Well I'm glad you didn't do that. Really."

Ella shrugged with redden cheeks. "Lighten up. Do an impression of a celeb or famous character."

"Now, what we have here, is the giant African rhino!" Ripley exclaimed. "Rhinos are like gray ugly unicorns! I'm gonna get a little closer and bop it right on the nose!"

The other girl snickered. "Really? Steve Irwin?"

Ripley winked. "Hey I'm making the accent work for me."

Ella rolled her eyes. "Well I couldn't do an impression to save my life so let's just move on. Admit something that worries you, or something you're afraid of." She made a face. "I'm _terrified_ of going to college. Like I break out in hives when I fill out an application."

_That's new_. "Why?"

"Cause what if I flunk out?" She groaned. "College is ten times worse than high school and you don't have someone like forcing you to do your work. What if I get there and I can't hack it? I'm smart, yes, but am I college smart? It happens you know. People get to college and just burn out."

"True but that won't happen to you." Ripley patted her arm. "Especially if you don't let your parents talk you into take more classes than you can handle. Be firm and make it clear that if they try to force you there is a chance you'll go hippie and stop shaving under your arms."

Ella laughed, looking mortified when a snort slipped out. "Your turn!"

_This is kinda fun. And we're not arguing so_… "I don't know if I should say. It might upset our tenuous peace."

Ella arched a brow. "Oh go ahead. I know it's about your big redhead."

Ripley grinned. "I'm worried—I'm worried that I won't be able to _please_ the big redhead. In that act."

The brunette blinked. "Oh. Heh cause she's been so friendly?"

Ripley smirked. "Yes. Sex is a big deal and she's had a lot of it. Not with girls but still. What if I just can't satisfy her?"

"I never had any complaints."

"You wouldn't though. We were equally matched."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. Good. Great. If she likes you then she'll like what you do to her. I did."

"Thanks. For what it's worth I like what you did to me too."

Swallowing hard, Ella focused on the index card again. "What do you want to be in ten years?"

_Good questions. What do I wanna be in ten years?_ "I don't know. Happy and healthy I suppose. You?"

Ella tilted her head to the side. "For all the grief my parents give me I do wanna be a doctor. A pediatrician though not some heart surgeon. Or maybe one of those doctors that specializes in operating on children."

Ripley could see that. "I think you'd be really good at that. You're driven so you'd do whatever it took to make sure that kid was okay."

The brunette sighed but it wasn't sad. "It's so weird to think about stuff like this. To actually _be_ here. I don't feel like I'm ready to go out into the big bad world and be on my own."

The blonde could so relate to that. "Me either. A lot of people are so anxious to leave home or move far away but me? I like it at home. I wanna travel but I feel like I have time. I don't have to automatically go the moment I graduate."

Pulling her hair up into a ponytail, Ella secured it with a rubber band. "I might leave early just to get some peace before classes start. I think my parents would go for it if they think it's all about studying or whatever. I hope I get a nice roommate and maybe a girlfriend."

"You'll definitely get a girlfriend. You're gorgeous, and I hear chicks dig that." Ripley teased lightly. "Plus you'll be able to do their homework for them."

Ella tossed a piece of paper at her. "Oh whatever. Though if I love them enough I wouldn't mind doing their homework for them."

Ripley smiled. "I know you wouldn't."

Holding up the last question, Ella read it off. "Tell your partner a secret."

To be honest Ripley didn't have many secrets, at least none that were so scandalous she didn't wanna tell people. There weren't any skeletons in her closet. If she had secrets she was keeping them for other people and naturally she couldn't tell anything that didn't rightfully belong to her.

"I don't have any secrets. Um," She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I once stole a hamster from the pet store when I was younger. I stuck him down my shirt and it looked like one boob was seriously bigger than the other since I hadn't exactly blossomed back then."

Ella snorted. "What happened to it?"

"It got old and died." She explained with a shrug. "We had a funeral for it and everything."

"Sometimes I think the only reason my parents are okay with me being gay is because of what it might mean socially." The brunette whispered. "Like they talk about it with their country club friends; the horrors I will have to overcome to be accepted and how strong I am for it. I'm happy they don't care but you know…I wish they didn't care because I'm their kid, not because it might help them get up some ladder they think they need to be up."

Ripley knew Ella had quite a few issues with her parents but it was always staggering to hear things like this. It reminded her of how horrible Glenda's mother usually was or the rumors she'd heard about Nathan's parents. She couldn't ever imagine being like that towards her child and she was thankful her parents loved her unconditionally. She didn't know what made a parent disconnect so badly from their child but she knew it was insane. Kids were meant to be loved not used as tools to further your own life.

"You're gonna be okay, Ella. This life we're in now only lasts for a few more months and then you can be anyone you wanna be." She said softly.

Ella slipped out of the desk she was sitting in. "Yeah." A beat. "Ripley, I'm sorry for being a lunatic those times with you and Rachel. I—I'm stressed with school and shit but that's no excuse. I guess I was just shocked you picked _her_ especially after everything that has been said about her."

_Understandable_. "I get it and it's okay. Had the shoe been on the other foot I might have reacted the same way. Obviously you're entitled to react any way you want. Though lunging at her was kinda funny."

Ella made a face. "Hey I don't actually regret that. But I will try to be less crazy."

"No promises though?"

"Oh shut up. Now what kinda pictures should we take?"

In the end Ella decided to grab up a bunch of papers which were supposed to be tests and launch them into the air while mock screaming. Ripley snapped her photo just as the papers were falling down around her. She was quite pleased with how it turned out.

_Today I spent an hour with Ella Cortez, my ex-girlfriend, and I learned she's not as perfect as everyone thinks she is. But it's actually her flaws that make her even more of a cool person. It takes a lot of strength to pretend to be something for everyone else. Especially when you're great just the way you are…like she is_.

For her picture Ripley drew stars and other little shapes on the chalkboard and stood beside them, pulling her long hair off her neck so that her tattoos could be seen, so that it looked like the drawings were jumping off her skin. She looked up through long lashes just as the camera flashed.

Ella scribbled on the back of the index card; _I spent the hour with Ripley Sinclair. I was so mad at her for breaking up with me and I'd forgotten how much fun she used to be. I'm glad I got the chance to remember today. Hopefully we can continue to be friends—she's someone I wanna keep in my life. I'm still a little pissed at her though_.

* * *

><p>When you were smart you didn't have to put much effort into school or classes. You didn't have to study or "hunker down"; all you had to do was show up, pay a bit of attention and things would work out for you. Rachel always felt that her intelligence was sort of wasted on her because no one cared how smart she was. Her parents damn sure didn't—they never asked her about report cards or tests or mid-terms. She could have flunked every single class and they never would have given her a second look, just like they didn't when she got expelled. And naturally guys didn't give a shit what was between her ears as long as they could get between her legs.<p>

Still she did her work and made good grades because—well because in some weird way it kinda made her feel good. Like not only was she gorgeous and rich but she was also smart too. A total triple threat if it weren't for her extreme insecurities.

_The entire class called you friendly. The entire class called you a slut. Jesus, and here I thought I had some type of respect by default of being popular. It's bad enough they think that but that Ripley heard it. I mean she didn't seem to care when she reached over and rubbed my arm afterwards but surely she has to be wondering what the hell she's doing with a train wreck like me. Especially after being paired with her perfect little ex. I wouldn't be surprised if she totally breaks up with me later._

_Why does she like me? I'm…nothing._

_I'm just a slut in pretty clothes._

Walking into one of the girls' bathrooms, she made sure that she and Bevin were alone before gazing at her reflection in the mirror. In the past she would have sparked up a joint and spent the hour too wasted to function but she didn't want to do that this time. She really just wanted to go home and crawl into bed but she would settle for answering a few questions from a friend that was thankfully too stupid to remember anything later on. Yeah she loved Bevin but it was no secret she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. But people liked her because she was sweet, and that counted for something for some reason. It had never worked for Rachel though. Her sweetness had always come off as fake with other people…except for with Ripley.

_I wish I was with Ripley right now_.

"Okay so I don't get it. We're supposed to do the stuff on the list and then take a picture for the yearbook?" Bevin inquired innocently.

Rachel nodded. "That's the plan."

The blonde pouted. "Well, I already took my photo for the yearbook and my hair looked really pretty that day."

Rachel chuckled. "It's not that kind of photo. It's just um, some kinda candid thing I guess."

Bevin tilted her head to the side. "Oh, okay. So you wanna start? It says to share something personal with your partner. Like remember that time we all went up to your cabin in the woods? Skills and I _totally_ did it on your dock."

Rachel blinked; personal and TMI. Nice. "You won't tell anyone what I say, right?" Her friend shook her head so she continued. "Personal. Alright. You know I haven't really been happy for a long time. Like I go along and I smile but I've been _so_ unhappy." Pause. "It's stupid but I feel like the last few months are the first times I've been truly happy since I was old enough to know the meaning of the word."

Bevin's expression was thoughtful. "Why? You have a pretty good life."

_Depends on who you are asking_. "I don't know. I have money and stuff but that's not all life is about. For a while it helped but after the shit with Cooper…"

"Aw well at least it's getting better!" Bevin smiled at her. "You cheered at the State Championships!"

_How less stressful my life would be if I were Bevin_. "I did and it was awesome."

Bevin grinned widely. "Great! Okay um eh I don't know any good impressions so we can just skip this one. Skills does a great impression though of that pig that is friends with Bugs Bunny." She sunk down to the floor. "Let's move on to the next one. Admit something that worries you or something that you're afraid of. Oh my god I am terrified of spiders! Once I had a dream that a spider crawled into my hair and laid eggs, and like later they hatched and I had all these baby spiders crawling down the side of my face."

Rachel chuckled softly. She had to admit that sounded pretty horrible. "I don't think you have to ever worry about that though." She decided not to tell her about the spider that died in some guy's ear. "You take good care of your hair."

"I really do. I use this organic shampoo. So what are you afraid of, Rachel?"

"I used to think there was nothing I was scared of, and then Ripley showed up. She scares the hell outta me. She's so—she's too open and real and it freaks me out. I worry she'll realize how much I suck and break up with me."

"No way! You two are super cute together! I've known her for a while and she would never just break up with someone for no reason. So you should be good unless you like, turn straight again in which case yeah it'll probably be over."

"I have no plans to _turn_ _straight_ again. Besides I'm starting to think I'm bisexual. I mean I still like guys but I really like her too and she's made me happier than any guy I've been with so far."

Bevin giggled. "I totally wanna be with a girl at least once before I die. Just to see what it's like. After you have sex with Ripley you gotta tell me how it was."

Rachel snorted lightly. "Okay."

The blonde wiggled her legs idly. "What do you plan to be in ten years?"

Thinking about the future—especially in regards to leaving high school—wasn't something that Rachel liked to do. She'd probably go to college but it just seemed sort of useless when she had no real career aspirations. "In ten years I'll be twenty-eight. Hopefully still smoking hot."

Bevin grinned. "That sounds good to me. I wanna be a mom I guess. Or maybe a model or something." She screwed up her face. "I don't know. We'll see. I'd be happy just working in a store though as long as I made good money and it was a nice store. A make up counter though not stock. I wouldn't wanna put up stock."

Moving over to the sink and hoisting herself up so that her legs could dangle, Rachel shook her head. It was kinda wrong; Bevin's life was so simple and yet she seemed so genuinely happy. She wasn't pretending to be anything but what she was, even though what she was…was a dippy, ditzy moron at times. Still she appeared to be in good spirits so maybe being ditzy wasn't as horrible as people often made it sound.

_Maybe if I cared less about what people thought of me I'd be like that too_. "I'm exhausted for some reason. All this sharing and caring nonsense I guess."

"I've liked it." The blonde responded. "I've learned some cool stuff about you that I didn't know before. You don't even gotta tell me a secret if you don't want, though it is the last thing on the list."

Wetting her lips, the redhead swallowed hard and decided to go all in. It felt nice to have certain things off her chest knowing that Bevin would never throw them back into her face. She was way too kind hearted for that. "I'll tell you a secret, not because of class, just because." She exhaled. "I never really felt anything with the guys I slept with. When I got my new body, I thought it would change everything. Maybe it did for the boys, not for me."

_Because underneath I'm still the same sad little fat girl I always was_.

Bevin pulled herself up. "You know, I always wondered what it would be like to be a dude. Like, walking through he halls in jeans and a ratty t-shirt, all bad-ass. You know talking smack and checking out chicks and stuff."

"Maybe that was my problem all along. I was going after guys when I should have been going after girls." Rachel only half joked, considering her newfound relationship with Ripley. "Though knowing me I would have picked horrible girls and be right back where I started."

"You should give yourself more credit. I mean yeah you've did bad things like went after Nathan and slept with his Uncle, but you're a good person Rachel. When it matters you come through for people." Bevin patted her shoulder. "Okay, so, what do you wanna do for our pictures?"

* * *

><p>Rachel was lying on her bed, snuggling Ripley's hoodie when Brooke breezed into the room with a big smile on her face. Obviously her pow wow with Chase had went well. She was practically beaming with a little skip in her step. But that was Brooke for you; things always had a way of working out for B. Davis. She would be lying if she said she wasn't jealous sometimes because she was. That's probably why she'd set out to steal Brooke's life when she'd first arrived at Tree Hill.<p>

"What's wrong with you?" Brooke asked upon seeing her. "Ripley dump you already?"

Rachel smiled softly. "No, just thinking. Carl's class got into my head I think. Bevin and I had a nice chat." Pause. "Well I had a nice chat and she talked about her hair."

Brooke laughed. "Aw, that's our Bevin." She flopped down across her bed. "Chase and I totally just got everything out into the open. I told him about us stealing the calculus tests and the bet we made about him. Which by the way looks like I'm gonna be your maid but it was _so_ worth it. I feel like this weight has been yanked off my chest, and now our relationship can move on to this new level."

Rachel sat up. "Sounds like you found Jesus."

Brooke stuck out her tongue. "Laugh all you want Fondle-rella but it's true. Besides this is exactly how you were acting when you first told Mouth and I about your newfound sexuality. If you can be sprung on Ripley then _I_ can be sprung on Chase." Smiling, she pulled her legs under her. "It feels so good to not have any secrets for a change."

Glancing to one of the drawings that Ripley had done for her when they were in the early stages of their friendship, Rachel sniffed as her eyes started to shine with tears. She could totally relate to being overwhelmed by secrets, to being so smothered that you couldn't breathe because each inhale that you struggled for reminded you of everything you were hiding. She was tired—exhausted—of keeping things from people but she was terrified of them finding out the truth.

The truth about things that had happened to her.

The truth about how she honestly saw herself.

The truth about…_everything_.

"Could I tell you something and know you'd never tell anyone else?" Rachel asked softly.

It appeared that Brooke was gearing up for a snarky comeback, but it died when she saw her friend's expression. "Of course. What's wrong? Are you having trouble with Ripley?"

The redhead shook her head. "No. Ripley is great. I still wonder every day why she's with me but I'm glad she is. I just—before we got serious some things happened and now I don't know how to tell her the truth. I _know_ she's going to be angry and…I'm scared she might leave me."

Brooke got up so that she could sit beside her. "I'm sure if you just explain what's going on she'll understand. She doesn't seem like the type to just fly off the handle." A beat. "Is this about like some of your _friendlier_ exploits?"

Rachel snorted lowly. "I'm pregnant, Brooke."

The brunette blinked, her brown eyes stretching so wide they looked like they were going to pop out of her head. "_What_? You're kidding right?"

She licked her lips. "I wish I was."

"How long have you known?"

"A while."

"Does anyone else know?"

"That's where it gets complicated. When I first found out I freaked out and decided to get an abortion."

"But… I'm confused. You didn't get one?"

"I lied about it. I went and I was all prepped but then I didn't have it."

Brooke rubbed her back soothingly. "Sweetie, why didn't you tell me any of this before? I would have been there for you."

Rachel sniffed. "Because I was horrible to you when I thought you were pregnant. I said you'd be a horrible mother. I was insensitive and just stupid. I didn't expect you to have any sympathy for me. Besides that's how Ripley and I became closer. She took me to the clinic and sat with me after she thought I had the procedure. I acted like I wasn't feeling well when in reality—I don't know—I think I was still in shock over my decision." She wiped at her face. "Then Rip and I hooked up, and the time to come clean just never came."

Brooke nodded. "Rachel you have to tell her the truth. I mean you're going to start showing soon so it's not like she won't notice. Um…who's the father? It's not Cooper, is it?"

The other girl made a face. "No it's not him. I _do_ know who the father is but I hope I _never_ see him again." Just the thought made her stomach rumble unpleasantly with nausea. "I should have just gotten rid of it."

"Not that I'm not being supportive of the choice you made because I am, but why didn't you?" Brooke inquired curiously. "You've never struck me as the motherly type."

"Heh no you're right. Remember when we had to take Haley to the hospital because she was having pains or something? And she was like so worried about losing the baby? I just kept thinking about that night and her and how she reacted…" Rachel swallowed hard. "She cared from day one. Probably from second one. And for one stupid little moment, I wanted to be like Haley. I wanted to _care_ and put someone else first. So I didn't go through with it. I didn't even _think_ about what it would mean for the long run."

"Well you're obviously going to have it." Brooke waved a hand. "I guess now you need to decide do you keep it or put it up for adoption. Either way you _need_ to tell Ripley and soon. If you want you guys to have an actual chance at a future there shouldn't be any secrets. It'll be worse if she finds out some other way, trust me."

Rachel realized that her friend was telling the truth and that she knew from experience but it wasn't like it was going to be easy. It was going to be frightening and hard and she had _so_ much to lose. It was going to be an instance of putting her trust into someone—into Ripley—and hoping that it paid off. Hoping that Ripley understood her motives when she told her everything.

She was going to do it but like so many good things hope wasn't something that came easy to her.


	12. I Come to You in Pieces

**Disclaimer:** OTH belongs to the CW. All song lyrics belong to their respective owners.

**A/N**: Warning for possible triggers this chapter dealing with conversations about rape & rape aftermath. Sorry about the long wait for an update!

Chapter Twelve: I Come to You in Pieces, So You Can Make Me Whole

The girls' bathroom wasn't the best place for making out but as she had said many times, Rachel wasn't known for good decision making. Her conversation with Brooke a few days prior was still fresh on her mind, as well as the fear of the unknown when it came to telling Ripley the truth. So instead of coming clean she'd fallen back on old habits except this time she wasn't screwing some random guy for some random reason. She was distracting her girlfriend from picking up on how nervous she was by attempting to suck her face off.

It's just that Ripley was a wonderful kisser with soft lips that tasted like pink lemonade. And her hands had somehow found their way under Rachel's shirt with her thumb and forefingers rolling her nipples like tiny pieces of dough. Usually when she got it foreplay didn't do much for her—it was just a preview until the main event—but she couldn't deny the tingles running up and down her spine at Ripley's touch. She was trying to be quiet in case anyone came in but it was difficult because she hadn't been touched in such a way since—well since the night she got pregnant and it's not like _that_ was anything about love or desire. It was the opposite really.

Just a dumb situation she got herself into so she only had herself to blame.

_No. DO NOT think about that when you're with Ripley_.

"I thought you said you were a pro at being quiet?" Ripley mused, nibbling at the side of her neck. "All I hear are moans."

Rachel chuckled and tightened the hand she had in soft blonde hair. "You didn't mention you'd be touching my boobs."

Ripley smirked. "You didn't say I couldn't." She pulled back a little and slowly lifted her rust colored shirt until her lace red bra was visible. "Besides if you're finally feeling comfortable doing more things, then I wanna do more things with you."

Swallowing hard and feeling slightly stupid for the butterflies, Rachel bit her bottom lip. "It's not that I was uncomfortable I just for once, wanted to take things slow. I know it's stupid but—"

Ripley shook her head. "I don't think it's stupid at all. Being with a girl is a new experience for you so it makes sense that you might be a little freaked out." Pause. "If you wanted to wait more I'd be okay with that."

_I know. Because you're awesome like that_. "Geeze, you're kind ruining me for anyone else by always being so sweet."

The blonde chuckled softly and pushed up one of the lacy under wire cups lazily, probably to give Rachel enough time to resist or move away although she did neither. "Maybe that's because I _always_ want you to be with me." Her smile was genuine if flirty as her thumb continued to rim Rachel's perfectly pink nipple.

They'd both perked up nicely and she would most likely have headlights on high beams for a while. Something she used to do on purpose to drive guys even crazier.

Rachel shivered at the contact, leaning her head back to the stall wall. She'd done worse in shadier places but things didn't feel wrong or gross this time around. It was just second base after all; usually she'd be bent over the toilet with her panties around her ankles while some guy that was too old for her bruised her hips with the force that he was using to yank her back into him.

"Hey." Ripley's voice broke her melancholy thoughts. "You okay?"

The redhead nodded. "Yeah." _I don't think I'm ever really okay. I'm not programmed to be okay_. "I'm okay."

Ripley studied her for a moment. "Are you sure? I get the feeling your mind is a million miles away. Which is a little disconcerting considering I got my hands all over your chest," she teased lightly.

Rachel snorted. "I'm _basking_ in the sensations. Besides I've had my boobs fondled so many times I think the nerves are dead."

Surprisingly her girlfriend laughed instead of being disgusted by that image. "Hm. We should check. Now, Miss. Gatina this won't hurt a bit." Winking, Ripley leaned down and blew warm air over the hardened peak before tracing her tongue around it, making a little scratchy sound when it traveled over the fabric of the bra. Rachel squeaked and grabbed her shoulders, squeezing when she started to suck.

It wasn't new. There was no novelty to it and yet Ripley's warm mouth and brushing tongue felt marvelous to her. She couldn't really explain why; her theory being that most of the guys simply wanted to get inside of her. They'd never exactly had time to focus on her other areas though they enjoyed a brief groping before immediately going for her underwear. Even Cooper who had clearly enjoyed staring at her chest had never put in much effort there.

But _this_ was all she was getting right now. Just wet heat and suction that made warmth bloom between her jean-clad thighs. It was rather innocent and yet because of that extremely sexy. There wasn't going to be more than what she was getting, not in the restroom anyway. This would end and she'd still be strung tight like a bow, thinking about it over and over until she could have more. And hey maybe Ripley knew what felt good because she had boobs of her own. It was a thought that made her wonder how other things would feel with other parts that she shared with Rip.

Ripley bit down and Rachel full out moaned, arching her back in pleasure.

"Um…_Rachel_?" It was Brooke. "If you've got a guy in there I am _seriously_ going to kick your ass from here back to fat camp!"

Ripley snickered and made a show of licking her lips as she helpfully fixed the redhead's clothes. When Rachel was decent she opened the door and stepped out. "Sorry. Just…playing doctor."

Brooke blinked before smirking. "What's the diagnosis?"

The blonde picked up her bag. "Results inconclusive actually. Will need to perform a much more thorough exam later." Amused by the conversation, she kissed Rachel. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

Rachel nodded. "Of course." Leaning against a sink, she watched Ripley go before turning her attention to a widely grinning Brooke. "Oh shut up."

Her friend giggled. "What? I think it's cute that you're sneaking off with your girlfriend to make out. I'm happy that you're making _happy_ sounds."

Rachel rolled her eyes playfully. "You're a freak."

The brunette shrugged. "I take it you haven't told her the news?"

_Of course I haven't_. "No. I…haven't gotten around to it yet."

Brooke tilted her head to the side. "I know you're scared sweetie but we talked about this. Besides it's _Ripley_. She basically thinks you hung the moon. She'll deal."

_And how am I supposed to deal_? "Let's talk about something else. I get the feeling you were looking for me for something?"

Obviously Brooke wanted to keep the conversation going but she relented to talk about her own issues. "I'm turning myself in. I can't handle the pressure anymore so I'm just gonna do it."

Rachel frowned. "Are you on drugs? You're not turning yourself in."

The brunette started to pace, quickly growing agitated again. "I just had to lie to Haley, Turner is closing in and I am stewed."

Her friend shrugged. "Brooke, they don't have any proof."

Brooke sighed. "There is no use to this. I'm gonna turn myself in."

Rachel naturally thought that was a very dumb idea. Why confess to something when there was no chance of you getting caught in the first place? _Because eventually_ you _always get caught_? "Fine. Whatever. Before you turn yourself in," she reached into her bag and pulled out a soft pink envelope. "You might want to take a look at this. It came for you this morning."

Uninspired, Brooke took the envelope and opened it, scanning over the letter with her big brown eyes. "Oh my God. Victoria's Secret wants to franchise Clothes Over Bro's for their Pink fashion line. I'm gonna be in stores everywhere!"

The redhead smirked a little. "Maybe not. Look at paragraph 14." At Brooke's outraged face, she chuckled. "So I like reading your mail. It's a guilty pleasure." As Brooke flipped through the papers, Rachel continued. "The contract has a morality clause. That means they want Student Council President Brooke Davis, not I—cheated—in—calculus Brooke Davis. See, I don't think an expelled high school student exactly fits the Victoria's Secret profile."

"Then what am I gonna do?"

"Nothing. Brooke, trust me, there's nothing they can do to prove you cheated on the test."

"Okay how about I make you a deal? I won't turn myself in if _you_ tell Ripley the truth."

Rachel realized that agreeing to her friend's odd demand would be the only way to get her to stop thinking about doing something stupid so she agreed. She _needed_ Brooke to have her dream of being in stores everywhere because besides Mouth—who could sometimes be touch and go—Brooke was the only one that treated her halfway decent. The only one she let see her weaknesses before she met Ripley. She sort of felt like she _owed_ Brooke something, and she wanted to pay her back at all costs.

At any costs to be honest.

Besides focusing on Brooke was better than focusing on _other things_.

"We should get to class." She said sliding off the sink. "The more we show straight laced behavior the better off we'll be."

"I guess you're right." Brooke picked up her bag. "I'm holding you to our deal though."

_Obviously_.

* * *

><p>Time moved so slowly sometimes that big events had a habit of sneaking up on you because you always tended to view them as being a month away. So when Ripley heard someone mention Prom being a few days away she nearly tripped over her own feet. How in the <em>world<em> had she forgotten about freaking _Prom_? Yeah she wasn't one of those total girlie girls that worshiped parties and ball gowns but this was like a milestone in every teenagers life! And even though she wasn't the clique type she wanted to go and take pictures and make a night of it. Which meant she needed to ask Rachel and apologize for leaving it so last minute.

_If she can't get a dress she's probably gonna slap me. Though knowing her she probably already has a dress._

Usually they'd see each other in the parking lot before going their separate ways when Ripley had family stuff but today that hadn't happened. Ripley wasn't worried—though after Rachel's home invasion she did feel apprehensive about her being in that big house alone—but she couldn't help but be a little antsy considering that morning had been their first time _really_ getting hot and heavy. She figured things were still cool but a voice in the back of her head warned her that it was possible Rachel was freaking out. It was kinda funny considering everything Rachel had done in the past but new experiences were still _new_.

And letting a girl put her mouth around your nipples was pretty damn new.

However when she'd called Rachel to talk after helping Meadow with her homework she'd received no answer. None of the four times she'd called. It wasn't weird per se but she wanted to be completely sure it had nothing to do with their bathroom fun time. And if it did well she was going to do her best to put Rachel at ease.

Tree Hill wasn't a big town so news of Nathan's mega celebration party for all of the good shit that had happened recently spread like wildfire. She wasn't really _that_ girl but she knew it was her best bet to see her girlfriend because Rachel would _never_ turn down a party that the entire senior class was invited to. Not wanting to go alone, she roped Glenda into going with her. The fact that it was easier than she'd expected made her wonder if her best friend was about to shed her Goth persona for something else.

"So…yeah," Glenda was saying as they walked up the driveway to Nathan's mother's house. "Lucas isn't _that_ bad. I always thought he was just another stupid jock but he actually has layers. I—I think we're almost friends now."

Ripley smiled. "And this all happened because of that assignment Carl gave us the other day?"

The other girl nodded. "Yup. We had one of the most honest conversations; I told him all about my mom and everything. He was really easy to talk to."

Ripley hummed. "Wow, that's cool though. Guess that whole don't judge a book by its' cover has some real steam."

Glenda chuckled and fiddled with her necklace. "Just a little. He let me read this book he's been writing and it's so good. I'm telling you I would have never known he was this deep kinda tortured person. Makes me wish I'd spent more time talking to people instead of talking _about_ them. Who knows what else I missed out on?"

_I can understand that but unfortunately for every Lucas Scott there is a jerk right around the corner_. "That can be your after high school goal though. Be more open to relationships of any kind." Finding the front door cracked, Ripley pushed it open and stepped inside of the house. The music was blasting loud from an expensive sound system, the place already packed with people laughing and drinking alcohol from bright red cups. It looked like one of those parties you saw on teen shows on tv but no one was in high heels.

Taking a deep breath, she tucked strands of wavy blonde hair behind her ear and glanced around. She recognized many of the smiling faces but didn't see the one she'd came for. "I'm not drinking, needless to say."

Glenda didn't disagree with her. "Me either." Pause. "You know I'm sure nothing is up…with Rachel I mean. There is no real proof she's been avoiding you."

Ripley made a face. "Maybe but the abrupt routine change irked me. If she's feeling weird over the second base stuff she should just say something. Not ditch my calls or whatever."

Her friend nodded. "She could have a good reason though. Perhaps Brooke was going through a crisis and needed some support."

"Are you saying I'm being a stalker by coming to this party looking for her?"

"Heh just a tiny bit. I know you're more worried than annoyed so it's okay. You'd do the same thing for me."

"I would. And ya know if we hadn't made out this morning I wouldn't think anything of it but…the timing is just suspect."

"Can I just say it makes me wanna laugh so hard to think of _Rachel_ _Gatina_ as the outraged party here?"

"Duly noted." Spying Brooke and Chase walking around arm in arm, she intercepted them. "Hey guys. Have either of you seen Rachel by any chance?"

Chase grinned. "She's holding court in the living room I think."

Brooke leaned against him. "Surprised you guys didn't come together."

_So am I_. "Thanks." Grabbing Glenda's wrist she pulled her through the crowd and around a corner, smirking when her friend made a big show of waving at Lucas. _If I didn't know any better I'd think she has a crush_. _So gonna ask her about it later._

Rachel was indeed however in the living dressed in tight black jeans and a tiny vest that looked like it belonged in the Gap Kids section. She was standing on a tiny table, gyrating to the song playing for a group of drunken guys. There were a few girls watching but they weren't into it like the dudes were. In fact they were probably gathering fodder to use later for gossip.

Standing there watching her, Ripley wasn't sure how she felt. She wasn't angry because she realized Rachel liked to have fun and just because she was dancing for people it wasn't like she was stripping or touching any of them. But she hadn't seen this type of behavior since before they got together and even then it had been nothing more than a smoke screen to hide some real issues. She just, well, she thought they were pasted this kinda stuff. That if Rachel was upset or hurting she'd come to _her_, not lose herself in alcohol and platitudes from people who didn't really give a shit about her.

_Or maybe a fun time is just a fun time. Stop overreacting_.

The upbeat hip hop song ended a few minutes later and Rachel playfully told everyone to tip their waitress or her before stepping off the little table. She was smiling and she looked amazing even as she reached for a cup of liquor, winking at the guy that passed it to her.

Ripley nudged Glenda in the side before strolling over to where her girlfriend stood. "You looked good up there."

Rachel blinked at the sight of her, clearly surprised to see her. "What are you doing here?"

The blonde tilted her head to the side. "It's a party. I was under the impression that everyone was invited." A beat. "You know I called you earlier to see if you were okay but I get the feeling you are."

Rachel chuckled easily. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Ripley rubbed at the back of her neck and tried to ignore the lookie loos. "I just—I don't know. I thought maybe this morning had freaked you out or something. That we'd…went too fast…"

Sighing, Rachel tossed her long hair off her bare shoulders. "This morning was fun. Besides it's not like I'm some stupid little virgin Clean Teen. At this point letting someone get under my shirt is how I say hello. So…" She snickered lowly. "Don't let what we did go to your head. It was nothing in the grand scheme of things."

A few murmured whispers sounded and Ripley cleared her throat. "Wow, okay. Could have done without the attitude but fine. You're good. My mistake."

"Whatever." Rachel rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you came here to check up on me like some crazy lovesick moron. I always thought that was only something straight people did."

"What the hell is your problem?" Ripley scowled. She had _no_ _idea_ where any of this was coming from.

"Right now?" She put her hands on her hips. "You. I don't need a babysitter, okay? And I don't have to check in with you like we're married. We're dating—just barely. In fact I've had more action with something that needs batteries."

Their classmates _ooh'd_ and Ripley had to wrap her arms around Glenda to keep her from lunging at Rachel. Though to be honest a big part of her wanted to see Rachel get her ass kicked. She couldn't believe the things that had just came out of her mouth. Such harsh, horrible things that seemed in direct contrast to the way they usually were with one another. And she got the impression there was more to it—that something deeper was going on—but it was hard to focus on that with everyone sniggering and Rachel looking as if she didn't give a shit one way or another.

Deciding to just say fuck it because she didn't need this bullshit, she shook her head. "Well hope you and your toy are very happy together from now on. C'mon Glen."

"You are such a bitch." Glenda growled.

"You got that right." Haley said as she walked up. "How did you do it, Rach? And before you even try to slut your way out of it I suggest you just give it a rest. I know you stole that test and I wanna know how you did it." She snorted. "You steal my key while I was in the hospital? Yeah I bet you did, didn't you?"

Rachel licked her lips but said nothing so Haley continued but Ripley had heard enough. She knew all about the Calculus test thing anyway. At this point Rachel kinda deserved whatever she got for being so fucken horrible for no reason.

Washing her hands of the situation, she stalked outside with Glenda hot on her heels. "Hey, look. There is no reason for both of us to storm out. If you wanna stay and talk to Lucas it's cool with me."

Glenda frowned. "Are you kidding me? If I stay in the same room with _her_ after what she said to you I will end up pile driving her into the carpet." Pouting, she pulled the blonde into a big hug. "You should totally break up with her stupid ass."

It was sad to say but it was something Ripley was thinking about. However she knew hasty decisions hardly ever did any good and even though things were fucked up, she felt like Rachel owed her an explanation before she ditched her. "We'll see what happens."

_I still don't know what the hell that was. Maybe I'll never know…_

_So much for Prom._

* * *

><p>Most of the memories that Ripley had about the tree house her father had built for her were happy except for the one about her nearly falling out because of a rotten plank of wood. He'd fixed it however and added a safety rope but needless to say she was much more careful about what she leaned against. The inside was cozy in a way with blankets, pillows and an old battery operated cd player that she kept stashed off to the side. There was no need for lights because the glow from the porch light and streetlamps illuminated everything just fine. So she lay with her feet hanging out the small doorway, staring up through the branches at all of the stars twinkling in the night sky. Her parents knew something was wrong but they were giving her space, not like she wouldn't end up telling them anyway.<p>

Breaking up with Ella had been a basic disaster because Ella had cried and _begged_ and vowed to change whatever she had to about herself to make them work. And when that hadn't worked she'd of course turned mean. Ripley wasn't sure how Rachel would react or if she would even care anymore. It was bad to even think it but she wondered if their whole relationship had been nothing more than an experiment to her. Something to do before high school ended.

_I guess that depends on if Rachel is that good of an actress_. _She could be I suppose. For all the ten things I know about her there are eleven that I have no clue about. I know she has a dark side I just assumed I'd never see it aimed at me again._

It sucked because damn it, she _liked_ Rachel. Everything that she tried to hide and pretend didn't exist, well that was what Ripley liked about her. And in a strange way she had felt privileged to see the other layers when hardly anyone else got to. If none of that had been real…fuck.

_You got played by a master. It happens…even to those that try to guard themselves against it. At least school will be over soon and you won't have to see her anymore._

Sitting up, she twirled her hair up into a messy bun and reached for her guitar. Moping wouldn't do any good or change anything so she was going to focus her emotions into something constructive like she always did. There was a song she had been working on off and on, just some sad little ditty with simple lyrics but a beautiful melody. In her mind there would be strings of some type— maybe violin—and a soft drum beat but for now it was just her, the night air and her guitar…

_You don't want me, no_

_You don't need me_

_Like I want you_

_Like I need you_

_And I, want you in my life_

_And I, need you in my life_

_You can't see me, no_

_Like I see you_

_I can't have you, no_

_Like you have me_

_And I, want you in my life_

_And I, need you in my life_

Nimble fingers plucked at the strings and she hummed, trying to get the tune just right. The music would be a bit more important than the words, at least that is how she had it all figured out. Sort of like half an instrumental or something.

"I can't steal you, no, like you stole me," She sung lightly. "And I—"

"Ripley?"

Startled, she leaned over the ledge and looked down. Rachel. "Oh. Thought you were my sister."

Rachel was make up free and dressed in sweats. "I—can we talk?"

Ripley arched a brow. "Thought of some more witty insults you wanna sling my way? There is always the tired and true _dyke_."

Rachel sniffled. "I—I—I want to explain. I acted like a total bitch to the one person I care more about than an—anything. I just…" She swallowed hard. "…want to explain. Then I'll go. I promise."

Against her better judgment, the blonde set aside her guitar and kicked down the rope ladder. She inched back towards the tree and pulled her knees up to her chest, steeling herself at the sight of Rachel popping over the edge with a grunt. _If what she says doesn't satisfy me then that's it. I'll go back to being single and she can go back to sleeping around_. _Yeah fights happen but that wasn't a fight, that was an attack._

"I must seem pretty pathetic to you." Rachel whispered with a small smile. "Especially after what I said; here I am crawling back. I don't know why I said that shit. I didn't mean _any_ of it, I swear. Today was just so fucken hard."

Not getting a reply, the redhead continued. "I know that's no excuse though. The whole exam thing imploded and I—I took the fall for Brooke since cheating was my idea anyway and she had way more to lose than I did. I was gonna tell you because I knew you wouldn't care but, I don't know. Seemed like a better idea to get drunk." Licking her lips, she exhaled shakily. "I uh—a part of me wanted to push you away because I have a secret that will make you leave anyway. Figured it was just better to do the leaving myself, that it would hurt less. Then Haley humiliated me in a room full of people and not _one_ person stood up for me. Not even Brooke. But you would have…"

Ripley watched her like a hawk. "I find it hard to believe you felt you couldn't come to me with whatever is going on. Have I ever given you the impression I wouldn't understand or at least be…civil?"

Tears appeared in Rachel's dark eyes and she didn't try to hold them at bay. "Even you have a breaking point. Shuddering she blurted out, "Ripley, I'm still pregnant."

The blonde literally gasped in surprise. "_What_? How is that even possible? You had an abortion."

Rachel looked down at her hands. "I...lied. I went into the room but I couldn't do it."

_Are you fucken kidding me? _"So you've been lying to me all this time? I just—what would _possess_ you to do something like that?"

"I never thought we'd get as close as we have." She replied honestly. "And by the time we had it just felt too late. Every—every time I wanted to say something it didn't feel like the right moment."

"Jesus." Ripley threw her hands up into the air. "Did you think I'd never notice or something? Have you even been taking care of yourself? God, you were _drinking_ tonight, weren't you?"

"No, not even a sip." Rachel responded. "I'm sorry. I should have told you. I never should have pretended. I sh—should have gotten rid of it." She touched her stomach. "You know I don't even remember his name."

_Jesus_ _Christ. Guess that rules out Cooper though_. "Man…"

Finally wiping her wet face, the redhead wrapped her arms around herself. "Cooper breaking up with me really fucked me up if you'll believe that's possible. I wanted him to like me so _badly_ but he was just like all the others. He just wanted to fuck me. I tried to pretend I didn't care because I didn't want anyone knowing how damaged I really was. So I smiled and I took Brooke out for her birthday, and I met these two guys. She didn't want one because she was still upset over Lucas and Peyton so I ditched her and let one take me back to his place." She digs her nails into her upper arms. "But I couldn't stop thinking about Cooper. At the—the last minute I told the guy I didn't wanna do anything… But you know I—I'd led him on and let him buy me drinks so I—I—it was my fault. I shouldn't have flirted."

Ripley's expression shifted from anger to concern in a split second, her heart suddenly pounding loudly in her own eyes. "What are you saying?"

Rachel shrugged listlessly. "That it was my fault. What happened was my fault."

_Oh my god_! "Rachel, did—did he rape you?"

"No I—he was right. I led him on and I—I had to do what I'd went there to do."

"Bullshit. Did you say no? Did you tell him _no_?"

"…yes. He um, he pinned me to the bed and eventually I stopped fighting. Screaming. I let it happen."

She had _never_ wanted to kill someone before but right now all Ripley could think about was hunting this son of a bitch down and blowing his goddamn brains out. Her dad had guns and she knew where he kept them, knew how to load and shoot. She could bury the body in any field and there'd be a good chance it would never be found.

This wasn't about her however it was about Rachel. "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you go to the police?" She shifted close and pulled her girlfriend into her arms, holding her tight.

Rachel was trembling. "I was ashamed," she cried. "I'm the town slut, who would believe me anyway? Most would probably think I got what I deserved. I think it."

Ripley kissed her temple. "Now you listen to me; _no_ _one_ deserves that. I don't care how many people you've slept with, if you tell someone no they should fucken listen. He didn't and he needs to be in jail for it." Pause. "And you need to talk about this not keep it bottled inside. You should see a therapist or something."

Rachel hiccuped. "I just wanna pretend it never happened. That's why I was gonna get rid of the baby because it—it reminded me of that night. Then Haley was revealed to be pregnant and she—and I wanted to be _like_ that. Accepting no matter what the circumstances. I know it sounds stupid but I've been bad for so long and a little voice said this is your chance to be _good_. To be Haley."

_Whoa, I don't even know where to begin_. "Not having the baby wouldn't have made you a bad person. Having it doesn't automatically make you a good one either. All of that comes afterwards. You've decided to have it so now you need to own that decision. You need to see a doctor and get vitamins. Find out how far long you are and stuff."

The redhead nodded slowly. "I've been putting all that off. I'm scared, Ripley."

"I know, sweetheart." The blonde murmured comfortingly. "You're not alone though, I'm here. I'll help you however I can."

That just made Rachel start crying again. "I'm sorry for earlier. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I know." Ripley responded. "I think my mom is a doula. She could help with stuff since you don't seem to wanna be doctor bound. My parents will be supportive. You need all of the support you can get right now you know?"

"Okay." A beat. "I'd rather tell yours than mine. They're gonna freak out."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." _Not looking forward to it however_. "Right now we're just gonna take care of you and your baby."

"I don't know where I would be without you." Rachel kissed her cheek. "And I'm gonna make it up to you—what happened earlier—I promise."

Things were harder than Ripley had ever imagined but now looking back so much of Rachel's behavior made sense because of this new information. Thinking of her going through all of this silently and blaming herself…it was just insane. And so very sad. No one should have to suffer in silence or blame themselves for a situation that spiraled out of their control. But now that it was more or less out in the open perhaps she could begin to heal. Either way Ripley wasn't going to give up on her and she wasn't going to let herself be pushed away. She was a tough chick, and she was going to be twice as tough for Rachel.


	13. Taking It Too Far, Down a Lonely Road

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait!

Chapter Thirteen: Taking It Too Far, Down a Lonely Road

Rachel had woken up in many strange beds since becoming sexually active sometimes with no clue how she managed to get there. Alcohol was to blame sometimes but most times it was just the little voice inside of her craving approval, whispering that if she could only find it between the sheets then that is what she should do. So she did it and pretended it didn't bother her. However waking up in Ripley's bed surrounded by warmth and familiar things made her realize what she'd been missing.

The girl in question was curled up beside her, blonde hair fanning the pillow with her left arm thrown around Rachel's waist. She looked a lot more peaceful than Rachel felt especially now that her secrets were out in the open. In fact she had no idea why Ripley hadn't tossed her out into the cold but she was beyond thankful for it. Without her she'd probably just fall to pieces entirely.

It was hard for her to admit that she'd been…attacked. Even now she still blamed herself for that night and she would most likely continue to do so for a while. Maybe if she hadn't gotten knocked up she could have just put it behind her, but well she'd never been lucky enough to catch a break. More than once after refusing treatment she'd thought about going back alone and taking care of everything. And then she'd catch a glimpse of Haley and her growing tummy and think _I can be her. I can do this too. She's not better or stronger than me_. But that was a lie and deep down she had known it was.

However she'd refused to really believe it because she'd wanted to be different. Better.

Sighing deeply, she smoothed a hand across her stomach and frowned. She wasn't showing yet; should she be concerned? She knew exactly nothing about babies or fetuses but Haley was sporting—what she'd never admit out loud—a cute little bump. Hadn't they conceived around the same time? Perhaps not since Haley was probably pregnant on her wedding day and she didn't get knocked up until weeks later.

_I guess I'll ask Mrs. Sinclair if everything is okay. What if I've already screwed up by not going to the doctor when I was supposed to? Or by not getting any pre-natal vitamins?_

_What in the hell am I going to do when it's time for this thing to slide outta me_?

Rachel hadn't exactly thought about the future when she'd made the decision not to terminate her pregnancy. Not getting rid of the baby had been her only goal and now, well, things were very real all of a sudden. She was pregnant. She was _pregnant_. There was a freaking life growing inside of her and—and she had no idea what to do with that!

_Okay Gattina calm down. Let's treat this like any other problem or whatever. How would I go about solving it? Well…I'd have an abortion. So plan B. Adoption? Plan C…raise it? That would probably be a giant train wreck_. _God I wouldn't want any kid to turn out like me_.

A twittering sound brought her back to the present and she realized after a second that it was her cell phone. Slowly climbing out of bed, she snatched it up out of her purse and pressed the _talk_ button. "Hello?"

"So you are alive." It was Brooke. "Please tell me you didn't sneak out for a late night booty call, lost your pants and spent the rest of the night looking for them."

Rachel snorted. "No. I—after the way I behaved at the party I figured I owed Ripley an explanation. So I went to her house and told her everything."

Brooke hummed. "Well since I'm guessing you spent the night there that everything turned out okay?"

Rachel wet her lips. "Yeah," she said softly. "She was very understanding and she's gonna talk to her mom about stuff. Doctor stuff."

"That's great. So you guys are still together?"

"Yes. Why I have no idea, but yes."

"Because she loves you dumb dumb."

"We—we've never said that to each other."

"So? Do you really think she would be going to bat for you this hard if she didn't love you?"

"Maybe she's just being nice."

Brooke huffed. "Rachel stop. I know you're scared because of what happened with Cooper and this being sorta new for you, but Ripley isn't Cooper. And not just because she doesn't have a penis. I think you can fall with her. She'll be there to catch you."

Rachel smiled. "Wow. I'm kinda amazed every time you manage to say something smart. I feel like the planet might explode or something."

Brooke laughed. "No that would just be your ass after too many cupcakes. I'll see you when you come home though."

The redhead snickered. "Okay. Bye." Hanging up, she ran a hand through her hair and then turned to stare at herself in the mirror. _Would it be weird if I put on makeup right now? At least a little concealer… I mean where Haley slapped me is kinda puffy._

_Shit._

She'd nearly forgotten about that unfortunate shit at the party and her appointment with Principal Turner. Today was going to be a very long day. Glancing around, she searched for her sweats and her sneakers.

"Not skipping out on me are you?" Ripley murmured from the bed as she sat up, digging sleep out of her eyes. "Cause that would be rude. We didn't even have sex yet."

Rachel chuckled lightly. "No I—I just didn't wanna wake you. I have to go talk to Turner about the calculus test stuff."

Ripley yawned, her blonde hair wild and slightly frizzy. "Ah. I hope things go okay. Maybe if you just explain it he'll go easy on you."

_Somehow I doubt that_. "We'll see." Biting her bottom lip, she cleared her throat. "Ripley I wanna thank you again for being so understanding last night. I'd totally be okay if you wanna take any of it back. I was such a bitch to you and I've been lying the entire time we were together. How can you possibly be okay with that?"

The blonde watched her before replying, "I'm not _okay_ with it. I'm human so yeah I'm pissed off that you felt you couldn't trust me, but I get why you couldn't I guess. Besides I internalize my anger and usually go for the silent treatment." Pause. "After we make sure the kid is alright and that _you're_ alright I'll deal with it."

Rachel pressed her lips together. "I don't want you to suffer just because I'm pregnant. I'm not that fragile."

Ripley shrugged. "I know. And honestly if Cooper was the dad or some other guy that you'd actually wanted to be with, I'd probably be kicking your ass right about now. Metaphorically of course. But you were raped and I'm not callous."

That word made Rachel cringe. "I don't wanna talk about that. I know I should but I'd rather pretend it didn't happen."

Ripley arched a brow. "That's not healthy."

"I know." Rachel whispered. "But I can't talk about _that_ and deal with everything else at the same time. I think being pregnant takes precedent. Or it will after I talk to Turner." Slipping into her sweatpants, she located her shoes and put them on next. "I'll come back later and talk to your mom if that's okay?"

The blonde nodded. "Sure." A beat. "What are we gonna do about tonight? Today is Prom day after all."

_Shit! I'd totally forgotten_. "If you wanted to go I'd go with you. This is gonna sound really sad but I've had a dress ready for a while now. Several actually if you needed one."

"That sounds like fun, weirdly enough. We'll talk more when you come back." Ripley got up and squeezed her shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay."

Rachel didn't believe that but she figured maybe the universe would surprise her.

* * *

><p>It was kinda extraordinary how slipping back into her fancy clothes could make her feel normal again. Most of the school knew she'd been slapped by Haley and humiliated yet while rocking a short skirt and low cut top she felt invincible. Like her amour was on again. It didn't matter that underneath she was the same terrified teenage statistic or that soon everyone would know, because for right now she was Queen B. At least that is what she kept telling herself so that she could get through the day without bursting into tears.<p>

Juggling a bag of cold peas between her hands, she strolled into her room to spy Brooke checking out the nasty shiner Peyton had given her the previous night. Apparently there had been a sex tape of her and Nathan—of all people—and naturally that hadn't gone over well. "Well, it could have been worse. You could have gotten your ass kicked by a pregnant girl half your size."

Brooke glared at her but took the offered pears. "The day's still young."

Rachel grinned. "Alright so I have to ask or I wouldn't be me. Who's really the _big_ brother?"

Brooke groaned and stood. "Rachel, I can't believe I have a black eye the day of Prom. You know if it wasn't for you, everybody would be calling me Queen Slut right about now."

_That's disconcerting_. "Hey I haven't slutted it up in a long time thanks to Ripley." She put on her jacket, fluffing her thick hair out of the collar. "However I do plan to flirt with Principal Turner in the hopes that he'll go easy on me, but if he doesn't you might just have the title."

Her friend pouted. "I wish you'd let me go with you. I'm the one who was failing."

"That's not a good idea. You're in the clear so why fix what isn't broken?"

"I still feel bad."

_That's because you are a good person_. "Don't. Things worked out how they were supposed to."

Brooke slowly sat down on the bed and squinted at her. "I still can't believe you're pregnant. You're not showing at all. Are you sure you didn't read the test wrong?"

The redhead scoffed. "It's a stick you pee on, not a calculus exam." Brooke stuck her tongue out petulantly but let her continue. "And anyway it was confirmed when I went to get the abortion. I don't know why I'm not showing yet but everyone is different. Maybe I just have a thin uterus."

Her friend giggled. "Are you ever gonna tell me who the father is?"

The _No_ was so loud in Rachel's head it startled her. "He's a jerk one night stand that wasn't even from Tree Hill. He was like a sperm donor. I won't be tracking him down to share the news."

Patting at her sore cheek, Brooke pouted again. "Fair enough." It was obvious she had more questions but thankfully she didn't ask them. At least not about _that_. "So, decided what you're gonna do about your fetus accessory yet?"

Not even a little bit. "Nope. One issue at a time. Turner first, the rest of my life later."

Brooke tilted her head to the side. "I think you should keep it."

Rachel blinked at her. "Are you high? Why on Earth would I do that?"

The brunette snickered. "Because…I think you want to." Pause. "Look I know you think you'd be a terrible mother because you _have_ a terrible mother but, there's no rule that says you have to parent like she does. You could be better."

Rachel swallowed thickly before pushing those thoughts out of her mind. "I'll think about it later. I have time."

"Well if you want someone to help you with the pros and cons I'm here." Brooke smiled at her. "Um, you also wanna tell Mouth eventually. If he hears it second hand it'll upset him."

_Mouth will have even more questions so nope. Not happening any time soon_. "I'll get to him. Anyway I gotta go. Wish me luck."

Brooke sighed, drifting back into her own problems. "I would but considering I gotta go help decorate with Peyton _and_ Haley, I'm gonna need all the luck for myself."

* * *

><p>The day passed as any other for Ripley except for the fact that she was grappling with information she wasn't sure how to deal with. She wanted to be there for Rachel and was going to be to the best of her ability, but she wasn't even a little bit qualified to handle the traumas she'd been through. She could help with the pregnant and baby stuff but the <em>deep<em> stuff was so over her head that it was in another universe. And she knew Rachel. She knew that her girlfriend wouldn't seek treatment or therapy no matter how much she suggested it. People could probably eventually function again without it but Rachel was already damaged, her confidence not nearly as high as others thought. Would she be okay in the long run?

That was the million dollar question.

She hadn't told her parents the situation yet because beyond the pregnancy she wasn't sure how Rachel wanted to handle things. She knew they would be supportive and was happy for it, but telling them wouldn't be easy. Especially since there was no long term plan. They would want answers to tough questions and Ripley knew Rachel wasn't _there_ yet. The good thing was however they knew when to back off.

And yet Ripley hadn't heard from Rachel since that morning when she'd went home to shower and change. After their charged conversation the previous night, Rachel had been too shaken to drive home so she'd spent the night. She'd curled into Ripley's side and had no trouble sleeping; at least that was how it appeared anyway. But it had felt like a positive turning point in their relationship. Like Rachel letting her in even more.

_So where is she now_?

Maybe she was being a bit smothering but things were kinda intense and Rachel was the type of person you had to force support onto sometimes. Which was why she'd made the decision to go and see what was going on. Calling would have had the same effect but Ripley wanted there to be a sincere touch to her concern. Sitting on her motorcycle in the Gattina driveway, she slowly removed her helmet and climbed off. Brooke's car was missing so the brunette was probably still doing Prom prep or something. Exhaling deeply, she plopped her helmet onto the leather seat and made her way up onto the porch, ringing the doorbell.

"It's open!" Screamed a voice from inside.

Ripley snorted but let herself in, unzipping her jacket as she headed upstairs. Tree Hill was the type of place where you could leave your doors unlocked but considering the guy that had burst in here, she was kinda surprised Rachel and Brooke weren't being more careful. Then again he was locked up so…

She made her way into Rachel's pretty bedroom and arched a brow at the sight of the redhead fiddling with several thick file boxes, each with the name of a different school on the side. "Hey."

Rachel blinked up at her. "He—hey. What um, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Ripley replied. "You said you were gonna call me. What's going on?"

"Oh yeah I—I meant to but things have been kinda weird." She sighed deeply. "Brooke has a black eye because Peyton punched her last night and, well, Principal Turner was not amused with my confession about stealing the calculus exams. He…I'm expelled."

Ripley tucked strands of hair behind her ear and sat down on the end of one of the two beds. "Wow th—that's extreme. I thought he'd just fail you and make you take the class over or something."

Rachel shrugged. "I think he wanted to make an example of me. In any case this means no graduation and no Prom. Sorry."

Ripley smiled a little. "Hey it's okay. We can have our own party or something. I don't mind."

Wetting her lips, Rachel shook her head. "Turner called my parents and told them the deal so—so they want me to join them on vacation." Pause. "I think I should go."

"Wait. You got expelled and your parents want you to leave Tree Hill? Why?" The blonde inquired. "Ya know there still might be a way for you to graduate but just not walk with us. Besides aren't there things you need to do here?"

Pulling her knees up to her chest, Rachel wrapped her arms around them. "If Turner wants to mail me my diploma he can but I think getting out of this town is just what I need. It hasn't exactly been good to me. And I haven't been good to it either. At least now my parents actually wanna give me the time of day. Not like they'll be disappointed or whatever."

_Really? We're gonna ignore the elephant in the room? Fuck that_. "Rachel, what about us? What about your baby? I thought we were going to talk to my mom about it…get you some medical help."

Rachel bit her bottom lip. "I—my parents will help. They've got the means after all." Standing, she pulled a suitcase out of the closet. "We're teenagers, Rip. What do we know about babies? Besides I can give it up anywhere."

Ripley frowned. "Okay. What about _us_? You and me? Our relationship. Or is that something you won't miss either when you blow outta town?"

"Of course I'll miss you. There are only three people I'll miss with my whole heart when I leave and you're _number_ _one_. But…" Rachel steeled herself. "We're not married. We're not Nathan and Haley. We haven't even had sex."

"Because I thought you wanted to go slow!" Ripley exclaimed.

"I did. And that's not—I don't care that we haven't had sex. I'm saying we're not—" Dragging a hand through her long red hair, Rachel huffed. "I know that you'll stick this out with me. That you'll…go with me to birthing classes and tell me I'm not fat when I so am. I _know_ that I'm not just T & A to you; that you honestly care about me. I don't know why because I'm not a good person but I've come to realize it's true. I've never been this close to another person before. Not even Cooper and I thought I loved him." A beat. "You're different. We haven't known each other long but you've made me happy. So I—I can't screw up your life like I've screwed up so many others."

"What are you talking about? How is us being together screwing up my life?"

"Maybe it's not now but down the road it's like guaranteed."

"Rachel, I know you're freaked out but you don't have to be. You're not alone."

"I know." Her voice was soft. "You and Brooke and Mouth would be there with me until the end, even though Brooke would be making fun of my fat ass the whole time. But I think leaving is for the best. I already have my ticket."

Ripley glowered at her. "So that's it, huh? You're just gonna run away because of some misguided threat that you _think_ you pose to my life? I thought you were gonna _make things up to me_? That you wouldn't know what to do without me?"

Rachel glanced to the floor. "Trust me. Me leaving is the best thing I could ever do for you."

Throwing her hands up into the air, Ripley headed for the door. "You know one day you're going to have to stop running from good things just because they scare you." Without waiting for a reply, she hurried out of the room and down the stairs.

She wasn't a crier by natural so thankfully her eyes were still dry but she knew the tears would come. When she was alone in her room with just her guitar, trying not to focus on anything she would suddenly find fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. It was odd to say but she was glad she still had her previous anger to tide her over otherwise she'd be even more upset.

Ripley could understand Rachel wanting to see her parents because no matter how they behaved she still loved them, but to run after them and give up on a sure thing? It had to be fear. She was terrified of having something real, of having someone that would always go to bat for her because they wanted to. It was sad and frustrating, but unfortunately her mind was made up. She was going to leave everything behind that meant anything to her.

The funny thing was? Ripley wanted to ask her to stay. She wanted to give her several dozen reasons on why she should _just stay_. But she wasn't going to ask, and it wasn't because she was stubborn or scared. It was because she didn't have the strength to hear Rachel turn her down.

* * *

><p>The front door slammed with a thump that echoed throughout the entire house and Rachel burst into tears seconds later. Why was the world against her? Why did it continue to screw her over time and time again when she just wanted what everyone else wanted? Was it because of her past? Because of all the horrible things she'd done? Well they did say karma was a bitch and she was totally living proof of it. Before now she wouldn't have gave a damn if someone walked out of her life but Ripley was different. Ripley was special, even more so than Cooper because her feelings had been real.<p>

Still she felt like she was trapped between a rock and a hard place. She was a seventeen year old pregnant expelled cheerleader with rich, flaky parents and serious abandonment issues. She knew they wouldn't pay her any attention when she finally arrived to where they were. They would throw some money at her, pat her on the head about being kicked out of yet _another_ school and then head to the beach for more sun. She would be alone in a fancy hotel room, wondering if sleeping with the bellboy would be worth the hassle. At least in the beginning there would have been a small reprieve with the sex but now it was pretty clear it would just make her feel much, much worse.

But what was she supposed to do?! Stay in Tree Hill and pretend to play house with Ripley? Keep her from going to college or traveling or doing any of the million things she probably wanted to do? The old Rachel would have but the _old_ Rachel had never been in love before. And she was. She loved Ripley—it was pretty hard not to—and that was why she was letting her go. Making a clean break before things escalated any further.

_Except that's bullshit because they are already pretty far. This is the first time I don't want to leave…but I have to. It's the right thing to do_.

Right?

Sniffling, she forced herself to continue packing and tried not to think about what she was giving up. It was so extremely hard not to be selfish _one more time_ but she was gonna make herself. She was going to let Ripley go and be amazing. She was going to tell her parents she was pregnant and let them do whatever they wanted. And then she would go back to her life of pretending until she was too old and the guys stopped looking. If she were lucky she'd hear about Ripley one day. Perhaps on the radio or she would see her paintings in some posh museum. It would hurt but she'd know that progress was in part because she hadn't held Ripley back.

One day Tree Hill would be just another town. _Too bad Ripley won't be just another girl_.

By the time Mouth showed up an hour later, Rachel's room looked like a disaster area with clothes thrown here and there and bursting suitcases in the floor. She was sitting quietly in her spacious walk in closet, half paying attention to what she was doing and half resisting the urge to run to Ripley and tell her she'd made a horrible mistake.

"I heard you got expelled." He said leaning against the door. "I'm sorry."

"My parents are flying me first class to meet them on vacation." She tried to look upbeat. "I finally get to spend some time with them. I just had to get kicked out of school to do it. Again."

He smiled. "Maybe that's why you do it." Drifting closer, he kneeled down in front of her. "Aren't you gonna say goodbye to everyone?"

She snorted. "Yeah. Oh, bye, Haley, here's the tutor key I stole. Bye, Nathan, sorry for almost getting your Uncle killed. Bye, Lucas, sorry for _actually_ getting your Uncle killed. And by, Tree Hill High, I'm _really_ sorry about the whole time-capsule thing." Rolling her eyes, she folded the shirt in her hands. "No, I think I'll spare everyone the goodbyes."

Mouth—being ever the perceptive one—nodded and inquired, "What about Ripley?"

She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her lower lip from quivering. "I told her I was leaving and she didn't take it too well. Imagine that. Someone who wants me to stick around."

He tilted his head to the side. "She's not the only one. I know I haven't been the biggest fan of your relationship with her but it's obvious she cares about you. She's gonna miss you just like I will."

_More_ _guilt_. _Great_. "Yeah well, believe it or not I'm doing her a major favor. Besides with graduation coming up she won't even remember me in a few weeks."

Mouth shook his head. "I don't believe that. And I don't think you do either. What's really going on, Rachel?"

Rachel wanted to tell him the entire story but she just didn't have it in her. Not to mention there wasn't much point anymore. "Ripley wanted something that I couldn't give her. In time she'll realize us breaking up for good was the right thing."

His expression was that of someone that wanted to say more—to really get to the heart of the matter—but thankfully he didn't. "When do you leave?"

_This I can handle_. "Book on a flight tonight."

He blinked. "So you won't be at Prom?"

She chuckled. "Don't look so sad. You'll barely notice I'm gone when you're dancing with your hot new girlfriend."

Her friend cringed. "She broke up with me."

_Well damn. Is everyone destined to have a sucky Prom experience_? "I've always hated her. You okay?"

"Not really. And now I have to go to Prom alone."

"You won't be alone. Going stag is the new cool thing to do. I bet lots of guys do it."

Mouth smiled thoughtfully. "Still, I would have loved to dance with you one last time. I mean, the only dance we've ever had was after the shooting and I'd kind of like to erase that one."

_Me_ _too_. "Yeah, I would have liked that." Pause. "God knows I haven't left too many great memories behind."

And then Mouth being _Mouth_, he said the perfect thing. "You left me with some."

Rachel stopped fiddling and just stared at him, cataloguing his features lest she forget them one day. Mouth could have been the perfect guy for her had he been what she was looking for. Had he been her type at all. However while their relationship had never blossomed into what he'd wanted, she hoped that he was at least thankful for their amazing friendship. He was the first guy she'd ever been just friends with and that meant something to her. It was another first Tree Hill had managed to gift her with.

Another wonderful thing she was making herself leave behind.

"Thanks, Mouth. That means a lot." She told him honestly. "That Clean Teen girl doesn't know what she's missing."

"Maybe one day she will." His voice was quiet. "You never forget the one that got away."

_No. You really don't_.


	14. Every Night I Try My Best To Dream

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them. It's nice to know that after all this time you guys are still reading. And thanks _guestie_ for the song rec; it really does fit the girls. Also yes TvCraze I am planning a tentative time jump for the future. Anyway enjoy this chapter everyone. Reunion next chapter. ;)

Chapter Fourteen: Every Night I Try My Best To Dream, Tomorrow Makes It Better

The music blasting from Ripley's headphones was loud enough that her family walking by could hear every word of the song that she was listening to, never mind that she was also singing along at full volume. She was angrily stuffing clothes into the washing machine; a task usually known to calm her down no matter how she was feeling. The fact that it wasn't just meant she was seriously stressed and pissed to a degree that even chores couldn't help.

Sure most people—young and old—hated housework and she wasn't any different with most stuff. She despised washing dishes and avoided it whenever possible, but laundry wasn't different. Laundry had wonderful smelling fabric softener and warm clothes fresh from the dryer or clothesline. Not to mention machines did most of the work. You didn't have to fold them when they were done if you didn't want to. You could just do what Meadow did and stuff everything into a drawer until it burst.

And yet she wondered why her stuff was always wrinkled.

Ripley almost didn't understand why the situation with Rachel had her wanting to break shit. It wasn't like their relationship had been that _deep_ to begin with. At least not on Rachel's end anyway. Right? Maybe that was the problem however. Maybe she had let herself get too attached to someone and now she was feeling the burn of being scorned. As stupid as it sounded she'd honestly thought things might have worked out in everyone's favor. Especially after that night in her tree house where they were so honest with each other. The one thing she hadn't counted on however was Rachel pulling away again. In hindsight she supposed she should have.

Rachel was terrified of real emotions because she didn't know how to deal with them. She was also terrified of getting hurt, so she tended to strike first to avoid it altogether. That was an interesting way to live, and for some people it worked. But for the rest it just left them more alone than ever. The question then became was being alone better than getting hurt? In truth Ripley didn't know the answer.

She was okay with being by herself.

She was also okay with channeling pain into something constructive until it didn't hurt as much anymore.

As screwed up as she was feeling right now she knew eventually things would be okay. There would be graduation and—hopefully—a summer of fun followed by the rest of her life. In a few years she would look back and snort about the time she dated the hottest girl in school. Talk about it with her new girlfriend fondly before going off to do something else. It would be nice if she could just fast forward to that time in her life.

Sighing, she slapped down the lid of the washer and pressed the start button, listening as the water began to rush in. She sat the white basket on top and turned, jumping at the sight of her mother lingering in the doorway. Turning off her cd player, she pushed the headphones off her ears. "You scared the crap outta me."

Tabitha smiled. "Sorry. Is everything alright?"

Ripley arched a brow. "Dandy."

Her mother chuckled. "If you don't want to talk about it that's okay. But you've got frown lines as deep as a ditch, and even Meadow remarked on how snippy you're being. "

Running a hand through her long blonde hair, Ripley decided to just put it all out there. "Rachel and I broke up because she is going to join her parents in Bermuda or wherever. She got expelled for stealing a calculus exam and now she can join them for fun in the sun." She rolled her eyes. "Oh and she's pregnant."

Tabitha blinked, clearly surprised by the news. "Ooh. Okay. Let's tackle the last bit since that's the most glaringly important." A beat. "Who got Rachel pregnant? And how long have you known?"

Ripley bit her lip. "That's a long story that I'll tell you later. It's not a good one. But yeah she's knocked up and I guess she plans to give the baby up for adoption. We were going to talk to you about it but that plan didn't work out."

Tabitha leaned against the wall. "What was the plan, exactly?"

_Good_ _question_. "It wasn't thought out. She needed help and I knew you could help her, at least baby wise. I figured you'd help her through all of that and by the time she was due to give birth she'd have an idea of what she wanted to do."

Tabitha nodded. "I'm sorry it didn't work out, sweetheart. But maybe Rachel just needs her mom right now."

Ripley snorted loudly. "If she was like you that would be believable but she's horrible. From what Rachel has told me she's never cared about her. Ever. This won't change that."

"You might be surprised."

"Well if it does change things I'll never know. Not sure I even care."

"Aw of course you care and there is nothing wrong with that. It means I raised you right."

"Heh nice…taking credit."

Her mother kissed her forehead. "Rip I know this isn't what you want to hear but, Rachel leaving doesn't mean she doesn't have very strong feelings for you. She does, and I can say that with one hundred percent certainty. It just means she's young, pregnant and scared and thinks letting her parents tell her what to do is the right course of action. Ya know I don't think we ever stop wanting our parents approval no matter how despondent it seems."

_Why does she always have to be the voice of reason_? "Can't you just be on _my_ side for once?"

"Sweetie I am on your side. Always." She gave her blonde hair a tug. "Do I think Rachel should have thought about leaving more clearly? Yes. And we both know it might be a decision she regrets for a long time. I'm just saying that her taking off doesn't mean she doesn't care about you."

Ripley shrugged. "Maybe not…but that's kinda what it says." She pointed to the washer. "I'll come get it when it's done."

Without waiting for her mom to reply, she turned and made her way upstairs to her room. She placed her cd player on the dresser and then flopped face first onto her bed, burying against the mattress. The worst part was that she _totally_ understood what her mother was getting at. Deep down she knew Rachel was afraid of the unknown when it came to having a baby. That leaving was not only her way of reconnecting with her parents and hoping they had all the answers, but also starting anew. Basically pretending none of the bad shit she'd experienced in Tree Hill had happened.

_I_ _still_ _have_ _the_ _right_ _to_ _be_ _upset_ _over_ _it_ _though_.

A soft knock sounded on her bedroom door and although she wasn't in the mood for another _talk_, she said, "Come in."

Meadow poked her head in. "Hey. Gonna throw a shoe at me?"

Ripley laughed lightly. "No."

Smiling, Meadow skipped into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know you and Rachel broke up. Does that mean you're not going to Prom? 'Cause I think you should go."

Ripley flipped over to look at her. "Why would I do that?"

Meadow jiggled her foot. "Because it's _Prom_! My friends and I are going—we're gonna stand outside and take pictures of the gowns so that we can have ideas for when it's our turn."

_Heh_. "We have the internet you know."

Meadow sent her sister a _look_. "We know that but our idea sounds fun too." Pulling a pillow into her lap, she pressed her lips together. "You shouldn't let Rachel ruin your chance to have some fun."

Ripley hummed. "I thought you loved Rachel?"

"I do. Kinda." Meadow said honestly. "In the way that someone like me would totally love someone like her. She's gorgeous and popular and…you know. I wanna be popular too. Maybe not _her_ kinda popular but I want notoriety." Yawning she continued with, "Plus she was nice to me when she didn't have to be. And she really liked you which gave her a few more cool points."

"What if she _didn't_ really like me? What if she was just pretending like she did with all those guys?" Ripley inquired.

"No, no way. You can fake a lot of things but I don't think you can fake real emotion. You can't fake fun with your girlfriend's lame family—not the enjoying it part anyway." Meadow mused. "For some reason she liked our weird game nights and our weird parents. And she liked you. No matter what's happened you shouldn't doubt that."

Things like that were so easy to say but difficult to actually believe in when things got tough. Because the good things just didn't seem to matter when you were down in the dumps.

Yet hearing it repeatedly didn't suck either. "Thanks little sis." Ripley squeezed her wrist. "You're pretty smart for a crazy person."

Meadow giggled and gave her a big hug. "You're welcome! See ya later!" And then she was gone.

Ripley didn't want to say that she loved Rachel because she firmly believed it took more than a few months to love someone. Or maybe that was fall _in_ love with someone. Either way she didn't want to go there because it would just open up an even larger can of worms. It had taken her and Ella a while into their relationship to utter the L word to each other but after the first time it was easy. Exciting. Grown up. Near the end however it became a guilt trip that Ella had used to try to make her stay.

"_But I thought you loved me…" _that sort of thing. That was just the nature of some relationships though.

Maybe she had loved Rachel a little bit. It made sense, otherwise why would she be so mad right now? The point however was that it didn't matter. She would be hundreds or thousands of miles away soon—their time was obviously over.

* * *

><p>By the time Ripley was done with all of the laundry and going through her closet for a little spring cleaning, it was drifting into the evening. Meadow had left about thirty minutes earlier with her friends to get a good space so that she could see all of the Prom dresses. As weird as it sounded Ripley bet her classmates would like the thought of <em>paparazzi <em>snapping pictures of them like they were famous. She'd assumed back in the day that she'd go to Prom with Ella but now not going at all was okay too. Plenty of people skipped out willingly because they just didn't care, not because they didn't have a date or because they were sad.

Heh although it was possible the scale tipped for the latter.

Ripley was just washing her hands at the kitchen sink when her mother related that she had a visitor. She dried her hands on a towel and made her way into the living room, blinking at the sight of Ella all made up, obviously ready for Prom. Her long black hair was in a tight bun behind her head with a few tendrils framing her pretty face. She was wearing a long silver strapless dress and pearl earrings, her neck elegant and bare. She looked really pretty.

"Wow, you look great." Ripley said smiling. "Come over here to rub it in?"

Ella chuckled. "No but I'm glad you think so. I—well I think you should go to Prom with me. Just as friends of course. News travels fast in Tree Hill so I know you're not with Rachel anymore." She shrugged lazily. "I'm sorry."

Ripley nodded. "Thanks. I don't think I'm gonna bother with Prom though."

Her ex waved a hand. "Aw c'mon, Rip. Prom is not about showing off your girlfriend or boyfriend, it's about getting all dressed up and pretending to like the people you really can't stand. Taking pictures and getting a crappy little gift bag. As seniors it's as much a rite of passage for us as graduation." Pause. "Do you really wanna be forty looking back wishing you'd went to Prom?"

Ripley could feel herself breaking. "I don't have anything to wear…" She rolled her eyes. "Not that I'm considering going because I'm not. But even if I wanted to I don't have anything to wear."

"Well…" Tabitha interrupted. "You could wear that cute little dress Meadow just _had to have_ to wear to Patrick's birthday party. It might be a little tight since your boobs are bigger than hers but I think it would look nice on you."

The dress in question was of a baby doll kind with skinny straps and a heart-shaped bodice. On Meadow it stopped just below her knees; hopefully it wouldn't be a super mini on her. And of course it made perfect sense for her mother to try to needle her towards Prom as well. Yet the more she thought about it the more she sort of wanted to go, just to say she was _there_. And as far as distractions went it had to be better than laundry.

"Okay!" She threw her hands up into the air. "I'll go get ready."

Ella squealed. "Yes! Tonight is going to be a fun time, I promise."

_I guess we'll see_.

* * *

><p>Rachel had fought for Cooper. Not with everything she had or tooth and nail, but on some level she had fought for him. She'd…stalked him and lied about being pregnant and attempted to seduce him into staying with her. It hadn't worked but it had been the first time she'd ever really put effort into someone who apparently didn't want her anymore. Though in hindsight perhaps the only reason she'd wanted him so badly was <em>because<em> of the rejection. Either way she hadn't just rolled over and let him call it quits until he almost died.

Up until seeing the picture of Mouth and Brooke looking adorable in their Prom gear she'd been resolute in her plan to leave Tree Hill and never return. She had said her good-byes and burned her bridges; there was nothing left of her. She really could have just walked away if Brooke hadn't had the bright idea to send her a picture of Ripley—looking carefree and gorgeous—with her little group of misfit friends under a halo of white lights and purple balloons. Suddenly everything just became all too real.

On the one hand she was happy that Ripley wasn't at home being mad at her. That she was actually enjoying her night with people that cared about her. She looked amazing in her dress, and Rachel couldn't help but daydream for a moment on how things could have been if life had went differently for the both of them. If she hadn't been expelled and was allowed to attend Prom like everyone else. She and her girlfriend could have had a magical time together.

Stupidly she'd decided it wasn't too late, something she would totally blame Brooke for always and forever. But well in the movies there was always that one moment when everything just went right and the lovers could have one last perfect minute together. As much as she hated to admit it she wanted that. She wanted to dance with Ripley _just once_ before walking out of her life forever. And while she wasn't optimistic enough to think Ripley would meet her with open arms, she figured trying wouldn't hurt. Really, what did she have to lose anyway? She'd already given up everything.

She spent the limo ride from the airport talking herself up, trying to get the butterflies to stop their flapping. It was a lost cause of course because she was nervous as hell but when the back door opened she pretended otherwise. She sashayed past other Prom goers in their classy digs with her head held high, giving off an air that she thought she looked better in jeans than they did in formal wear. _It's true for some…_

_You can do this. It'll be easy. You'll see_.

Unfortunately she hadn't counted on Turner being his usual cock blocking self. "Miss. Gatting, you're no longer allowed on school grounds."

_Oh you have got to be kidding me_! "What are you gonna do, expel me?" She rolled her eyes and attempted to brush past him.

He caught her upper arms and gently pushed her back. "Don't make me call the police."

She frowned at him. "Look, all I wanna do is see my girlfriend one last time for one last dance. And then I will be out of your hair for good."

Principal Turner sighed. "I'm sorry but Prom is a privilege, one that you lost when you were barred from attending Tree Hill High. Perhaps you should have thought first before stealing those exams."

Rachel's expression fell but she tried to play it off. "Is this because I'm bisexual? Are you excluding me because I wanna dance with a girl and not a guy? I'm pretty sure that's against some type of school board code."

Principal Turner shook his head quickly, eyes darting around to the listening crowd. "Of course that is not it. If you were still a student here you'd be welcome to attend regardless of your sexual orientation. This is not about discrimination; it is about upholding your expulsion just as we would do for anyone else."

His tone brooked no argument and she knew that even if she managed to get inside the school, he wouldn't let her stay. The last thing she needed was to be carted off by rent a cops playing police. "Fine." _This was a stupid idea anyway. Ripley doesn't want to see me. I broke her heart—I don't wanna see me either_._ I'm a horrible person and Turner is right, I should be punished._

Feeling embarrassed with all eyes on her, she attempted to salvage what little pride she just couldn't let go of. "Alright, I've got a limo and a fully stocked minibar. Who's with me?"

When no one spoke up Rachel felt an honest sense of disappointment. These were people that were supposed to—if not be her friends—then at least idolize her. They were supposed to be falling all over themselves to spend a few minutes in her presence. If they didn't give a shit what had she been working so hard for? What had been the point of shoehorning herself onto the Raven's cheerleading team and kicking Brooke off? What had been the point of dressing her best _every_ _single_ _day_ if no one really gave a shit how she looked? What had been the goddamn point of trying so hard?

_I_ _was_ _so_ _fucken_ _stupid_. "This school sucks." Scowling, she turned and quickly headed back towards her limo. Screw it. Screw it all.

"Rachel, wait." Mouth disengaged from the crowd. She hadn't even noticed him. "I'm coming with you."

_Good old Mouth_. "What about Brooke?"

He smiled. "If she were here, she'd do the same thing. That's what friends do."

Touched, she couldn't stop her grin from forming. "See ya, Turner." She grabbed Mouth's elbow and pulled him along behind her. "Oh. Expect a call from my lawyer about the sexual harassment."

The crowd murmured in response but she didn't pay them any mind. Instead she and Mouth climbed into her limo and she signaled the driver to return to the airport. It wasn't how she thought the night would end but it didn't suck as much as being surrounded by a bunch of strangers while waiting for her flight.

"What happened? I thought you were leaving tonight?" Mouth asked breaking the silence.

"My flight got delayed by a few hours." She lied. "Just enough time to crash Prom. I—I had this bright idea of seeing Ripley one last time."

He nodded. "She looked nice tonight. She and her friends seemed to be having a good time I guess."

Rachel slouched back to her seat. "That's good. I knew she'd be able to move on quick."

His expression was thoughtful as he said, "I don't think that was the case. She looked nice—she didn't exactly look happy."

_Way to twist the knife in deeper_. "She will be. Anyway thanks for coming with me. It means a lot." Pause. "But it's your Prom night. Are you sure you don't wanna be drinking spiked punch?"

He chuckled softly. "Yeah and besides it's your last night. Besides, Prom just makes me think about Shelly."

_I wonder does Prom just make Rip think about me? I sure as hell can't get her off my mind_. "Alright, Mouth. Talk to me."

"I can't stop thinking about her." Was his quiet reply. "Her eyes. Her smile. Those…those little freckles on the small of her back."

Rachel knew all too well how he felt but his words cut into her melancholy thoughts. "Hang on. The small of her back?" Her grin was infectious. "The Clean Teen gave it up. Nice work!"

Mouth snorted. "Yeah, so nice she never wants to see me again."

_God we're a sad pair_. "Well, welcome to the rest of your life. Sex changes everything."

He gazed at her. "You know what? Let's not talk about Shelly. This is your night. What do you wanna do?"

She bit her bottom lip. "I can't do what I wanted to do…which is the story of _my_ life. And I can't even deflower you so," she teased, "I wanna do whatever you wanna do."

"I wanna get Shelly back."

"Except that. Shelly is nuts. And this is coming from a girl who has seen a lot of nuts."

"I know but, she made me feel dangerous, ya know? Like I was more than myself."

"Mouth, quit talking about Shelly."

Mouth dropped his eyes to his lap. "Yeah, I'm boring you."

She shook her head. "No. You're making me sad."

The look they shared next was one of camaraderie for loves lost. Rachel had never considered herself like Mouth or that they had much in common, considering they sort of lived in two different worlds. But heartbreak and losing the person you wanted were universal truths that most people felt before they died. Mouth had inadvertently driven Shelly away by being too real, and she'd driven Ripley away for her own good. They were both in the same depressing boat.

And not looks or popularity or status could save either one of them.

Mouth squeezed her hand. "You know when we first met Brooke told me I was kidding myself to think you'd ever settle down. Not because it was _me_ but because it was kinda obvious that wasn't your scene. I always knew it wasn't true though."

"I'm not exactly stone when it comes to you or her anymore." Rachel whispered. "I don't know why it got so easy to trust you. I think because you're just so sweet. I can honestly say you're the first guy to be respectful to me. It's a weird sensation."

He snickered. "Well it's not _exactly_ what I wanted but I'm grateful that I got to know the real you. And I'm sure Ripley is too." A beat. "Shelly broke my heart but deep down I think I'm glad to have been with her. She taught me that _real_ nice guys—not the ones who claim to be nice just so that they can get a girl, but the ones that just wanna be loved—don't always finish last. Her hangs up broke us up, not mine."

Rachel dug her nails into her palm to keep from crying. With her hormones and her fragile state in general it wouldn't take much to drive her to tears. "Mouth, I'm pregnant."

Mouth blinked at her with his mouth wide open. "Wh—what? Are you serious?"

"Yes." She cleared her throat. "Long story but…it's true. I think it's some sort of universal karma for being so horrible to Brooke when we thought she was pregnant."

"Is—is Cooper the father?" He stammered and she shook her head no. He actually looked a little relieved. "I didn't know Ripley was so virile."

Rachel laughed, she couldn't help it. It felt good. "If she were things would be easier. But I don't wanna talk about the father."

Understanding it wasn't a good subject for whatever reason, he sighed. "Ya know I could be the dad…"

It was then Rachel realized Mouth would always have feelings for her, whether romantic or friendly. Really it was a comforting thought, always having him in her corner. "Thanks but I don't plan to keep it."

"You should. I think you'd be a great mom."

"You'd be the only one."

"I don't believe that. I think deep down you know you'd be a good mom. You're just scared. But I hear every new mom is scared on some level."

Thankfully the limo arrived to the airport so she didn't have to answer. They crawled out in silence and he helped her with her bags, walking with her towards her gate where they just sort of sat until her departure time was announced over the loud speaker.

"_Attention. Now boarding Flight 243 to New Orleans at Gate 6_."

"That's me." She stood up slowly, slinging her bag onto her shoulder.

"Then I guess this is goodbye." He said sadly. "I'm really glad you came back tonight, Rachel."

"Me too." She replied honestly and kissed his cheek. Though as she headed for her gate she couldn't help the sudden tightness of her throat. Leaving Tree Hill not only meant leaving the few people she cared about and Ripley, but it also meant giving up her Mouth shaped safety net. The first friend she'd made and kept even though she'd done dreadful things. Could she really make it out there alone, again? Or had she been changed too much? "Hey, you wanna come with me?"

Naturally Mouth was just as surprised by the offer as she was. "I can't. I'd miss finals and graduation. It's suicidal."

Maybe it was wrong to try to coax his acquiescence but she did anyway. "No. It's just dangerous." Silence. "It's okay, Mouth. See you later."

_And it's back to one night stands and fruity drinks_.

"Rachel, wait. I'm coming with you." Mouth slipped on black sunglasses and Rachel laughed, hurrying over to take his and before he changed his mind. _This is so stupid! But when have I been known to make good decisions?_

_My life is already in shambles. How could it get any worse running away with a good friend?_

* * *

><p>The slight chill in the air had Ripley rubbing her goosebump-y upper arms as she walked across the driveway towards her front porch with Ella beside her. "I'm gonna tease the shit out of Glenda tomorrow. All the times she said she didn't like Lucas and then she spends half the night batting her eyelashes at him."<p>

Ella laughed. "I know right? If he wasn't with Peyton I think she would have made a move on him. Just another poor girl that has fallen prey to the charms of the Scott boys. Glad I never had to worry about that."

Ripley smirked. "Too bad there wasn't a Scott sister. That would have made things a lot more interesting."

Ella giggled and sat down on one of the steps. "Hah. I wonder who she would have been more like?"

Ripley joined her. "Probably a mix of both. Though knowing our luck there would have been a Hale or Patrick around to steal her away."

The brunette snorted out another laugh, covering her mouth. "So I take it you had fun tonight?"

Ripley contemplated her answer before nodding slowly. "It wasn't as lame as I thought it would be. Seeing everyone looking nice was cool. I'm glad you made me go."

Ella nudged her shoulder. "I told you so."

_Most people wouldn't say that, heh_. "It didn't cure all of what ailed me but it took my mind off shit for a while. And if I hadn't gone I would've been late to knowing what happened to Brooke and Peyton. Man, Tree Hill can be fucked up when you really think about it. Weird shit happens quite a bit in our small little town."

"True." Ella turned her attention up to the sky. "I—well I heard someone say Rachel showed up but Principal Turner wouldn't let her in."

"I heard that too." Ripley muttered. "Apparently she left with Mouth."

Ella looked at her. "As friends. Millie said she told Turner she wanted to see you. God forbid I give that skank any consideration at all but I could believe she wanted to see you." Pause. "There _is_ just something about you that sticks in deep. Like a tic."

Ripley huffed. "Gee thanks! I'm a blood sucking parasite now?"

"Oh shut up! You know what I mean."

"I guess."

Ella exhaled. "Tonight was almost like old times. Us with your crazy friends laughing and talking about what we plan to do after high school. I've missed hanging out with everyone. It sucks that I stopped being a bitch too late for us to do anything about it."

Ripley cracked her knuckles. "We've got a little time before graduation to hang out. And the summer afterwards, maybe. You, me and Glen can go to Raleigh for a few days and pretend we're business women or something. I dunno."

Her ex giggled and pulled her close for a hug. "It's a date." Frowning, she fiddled with the bottom of her dress. "Ripley there is something I need to tell you. I—when I was—when you and Rachel first—"

Before she could continue the road and yard lit up with flashing red and blue lights as a single cop car slowly pulled into the driveway. Ripley and Ella both stood and watched with confused, wary expressions as two police officers exited the vehicle and made their way over.

_Oh god what's happened now? What if something happened to Meadow or Sky?_

"Good afternoon ladies. Which one of you is Ella Cortez?" Asked the tallest cop; his badge reading _Simmons_.

Ella rubbed the back of her neck. "Me. Is something wrong? Is it my parents?"

Simmons shook his head. "We're gonna need you to come with us to the station—your parents are meeting us there."

"What is this about?" Rachel inquired slowly.

"Miss. Cortez's name has come up in conjunction to an assault case that happened a few weeks ago on a Rachel Gattina." Gently he reached out and took Ella's arm. "C'mon miss."

Ripley's brows raced into her hairline as she remembered the day in question; that weirdo breaking into Rachel's house and roughing her up. But, no. There was no way Ella had anything to do with that. Right? "Ella?"

"I'm sorry." Ella whispered as she was carted away. "I'm so sorry."

It wasn't an exact admission of guilt—that would be stupid, what with the cops around—but Ripley was hard pressed to think her ex wouldn't be apologizing if she hadn't played a part in all that drama. She wasn't sure how to feel about it. Ella had been intense back then and it was before their touching make up over that one assignment. Still who knew Ella could be so… extreme? That she would resort to something so dangerous and underhanded?

_Could she serve time for this? Junvy maybe?_ "Mom! Dad!" She took off her shoes and hurried inside the house to ask her parents.

_Memorable Prom night indeed_.


	15. Let Me Be The One You Call

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews! Enjoy!

Chapter Fifteen: Let Me Be The One You Call

Sitting out in the front yard with Meadow while Icarus playfully chased after one of his balls, Ripley stretched out on the soft blanket and stared up at the sky. She hadn't heard from Ella in a week but she knew she was doing community service for her part in that weird guy attacking Rachel. Apparently the word around town was that Rachel hadn't pressed charges so the judge had been sort of lenient with Ella, it being her first offense and all. Ripley was happy she wouldn't be serving any juvey or jail time but she was still shocked Ella could be so malicious. But she supposed it was stress related. In any case her parents were probably taking it a bit easier on her now.

_At least I hope they are_.

Graduation was in a few days and Ripley was excited. She couldn't wait to walk in her cap and gown and get her diploma, signalizing that she was done with high school forever! No more books or homework until she decided whether she wanted to bother with college or not. Maybe an art school somewhere. People were planning their entire lives and she was prepared to spend the next few months coasting; doing nothing. After twelve years of teachers and shit she just wanted to relax for as long as she could.

The past week she'd spent most of her time with her friends, goofing off and hanging out. Glenda had a plan to leave Tree Hill a week after graduation while Toby was going to work for his dad all summer before heading off to college. Erica and Jeremy wanted to go on a road trip and hit all of those strange tourist traps things before also going to school. It felt weird that they would all be going their separate ways soon. Time went by so quickly when you weren't paying attention. One minute they were kids with big dreams and they next they were almost adults facing realistic options. Where was the in between come down?

Icarus leapt at his yellow ball and caught it between his teeth, bringing it back happily to her. She giggled and ruffled his ears, kissing the top of his golden head. He flopped down beside her and put his head in Meadow's lap—meaning he wanted some attention.

Which he always got. He was pretty spoiled.

"Who's a pretty boy?" Meadow cooed rubbing his stomach. "Who's a big pretty boy? Yes you are!"

Ripley snorted. "I think we should get a second dog so he's not lonely."

Meadow grinned. "That would be awesome. Though we both know you're taking him when you move out."

Ripley pulled at her blonde hair. "Who says I am moving out? Why would I leave?"

Meadow shrugged. "Because that's what people do?"

_Eh_. "Yeah but I'm not in any hurry. I mean it's not like mom and dad are annoying or overbearing so… One day I'll get my own place."

Meadow hummed. "So! How do you think Peyton and Brooke are doing? Man, I still can't believe some guy tried to kill them. That's like stuff you see on CSI or something."

The blonde chuckled. "True but violence can happen anywhere. I'm just glad they're both okay."

Her sister continued to pet the dog. "Me too." Pause. "I uh—you heard from Rachel?"

No. No she hadn't heard from Rachel since their break up and she didn't expect she would ever be hearing from her again. Rachel had left town with Mouth—_what the hell was that about_—so she figured they were totally over. It was sad but what was high school without a little heart break? The whole not being trusted thing hit her harder however. Ripley could keep secrets and she always helped her friends out when they needed her. The fact that Rachel felt she wasn't worthy of being trusted well, it hurt her feelings. But perhaps it was true and she was better off in the long run.

Ripley scratched at her arm. "Nope."

Meadow made a face. "I still can't believe she just left like that. Especially since it was obvious how much she totally liked you. If Patrick did that to me I would track him down and beat him to death."

"You have serious anger issues." Ripley told her sister. "And it's okay. I'm fine. There was a lesson to be learned in all of this, and it was some things can't be overcome with heartfelt words."

"I don't like it when you're sad." Meadow replied. "You can say you aren't but I know you are."

Ripley gazed at her. "I did like her so, yeah. But I'm not gonna dwell. School will be over soon and there will be new people coming into my life. I know that one day it won't hurt."

Smiling, Meadow gathered up her long dark hair and twirled it into a bun. "We could do something today if you want?"

Ripley snickered. "You'd actually be okay hanging out with your big sister? Since when does that happen?"

Meadow smirked. "Since one day I hope you get a new car and I get your motorcycle."

_Ha! Fat chance_. Ripley was just about to dash her sister's dreams of _ever_ calling that bike her own when a large black SUV pulled up into the driveway. Both girls stood as none other than Brooke Davis crawled out and strolled over, causing Meadow to let out a high pitched little noise before trying to rein herself back in. _Geeze, my sister and her popular people fetish ladies and gentlemen_.

Brooke gave a little wave. "Hey guys. What's up?"

Ripley arched a brow. "Nothing much."

Meadow squealed, unable to contain herself any longer. "You're Brooke Davis!"

Brooke laughed and preened. "That I am. And you must be Ripley's sister."

Meadow nodded. "Yes! My name is Meadow. I—I think you're awesome."

"Aw you're so sweet." Brooke reached out and squeezed her arm. "It's really nice to meet you."

"You too." Meadow bounced in place a little.

_Lord_. "So what brings you by, Brooke?"

Brooke stood up a little straighter. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get out of town for a few days."

_What_? "What?"

The brunette waved a hand. "Okay. Apparently Mouth got himself into some kinda trouble in Texas and we're all going to make sure he's alright." She pointed to the SUV filled with people. "And I was thinking you should come with us because I _know_ Rachel would want to see you."

For a brief moment Ripley just blinked at her in confusion until the words made sense in her brain. "Why would I do that? We broke up."

Brooke chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I know. I know but you see the thing about Rachel is that she can be a real idiot for how smart she is. Look I saw her with you Ripley and she cares about you. I don't wanna throw out the _L_ word but it was heading there. She and Mouth could be in danger or whatever; seeing your friendly face would no doubt help. Besides the whole gang is going.

Ripley folded her arms over her chest. "Not to harp on the details but your gang isn't my gang. I don't know why you think Rachel would wanna see me when she's the one who broke up with _me_. Then skipped town with the dude that had a major crush on her. I don't know what you would call it but it's a sign we're done."

Brooke pouted. "C'mon Ripley, please! Rachel is a moron but there are a few things I know for a fact about her. One, she would _never_ sleep with Mouth and two, she'd wanna see you." She sighed. "Okay look if you come with us and she _doesn't_ wanna see you, I'll totally let you go to town on me."

A laugh bubbled out of Ripley's mouth before she could stop it. There was just something about Brooke Davis, wasn't there? Groaning, she looked to her sister for help but Meadow was already nodding like it was the best plan in the world. In truth Ripley wasn't sure what do to. A part of her really wanted to see Rachel again but the other part was too angry to even think about it. And what if she went and things got even worse? What if Rachel was so mean to her she ended up wanting to punch a pregnant woman?

Knowing she would regret it, she asked, "What kinda trouble?"

Brooke's big dark eyes lit up. "We don't know. We got this weird text from Mouth about needing ass—which was assistance we think—so we're hoping he's just stranded or something."

"Stranded because Rachel ditched him?" _Valid question I think. She does that_.

"She wouldn't do that to Mouth." Brooke pouted harder. "Pleaaaaase come with us. Please! It'll give everyone a chance to get to know you before graduation."

Meadow poked her. "I think you should go. Get out of town for a while." And then she hit low. "What if Rachel is in serious trouble and needs your help? Would you really wanna not be there for her?"

_Sometimes I hate my little sister_. "Fine. But if this blows up in my face I'm smothering you…" She pointed to Meadow, and then turned to Brooke. "And making your voice sound even huskier."

Brooke wiggled her brows. "Deal. Now go pack!"

Mumbling and shaking her head, Ripley stalked inside and first asked her parents if it was even okay for her to go. They gave their permission and then she made her way upstairs, throwing a few outfits into a duffle bag and slipping on the leather jacket Rachel had gotten for her Christmas. She kissed her mom and dad each on the cheek, gave Meadow a sideways hug and tossed her bag into the back of the Denali before climbing in beside Lucas, effectively putting him between her and Haley.

_I have a bad feeling about this. Why am I letting myself get forced into this anyway? I have no ties to Rachel anymore. If she's in trouble then she should be calling her parents to save her._

_Not like they would but that isn't my problem._ She's _not my problem anymore_.

A traitorous little voice in her mind said she was scared and pregnant, and Ripley told it to shut up.

It was beyond strange to be in a vehicle with Tree Hill's most popular. It was almost like they lived on another planet, especially because something always seemed to be happening to them. Or maybe it was just that because they were notable people were always paying attention, whereas with others their drama slipped through the cracks. Like no one knew Glenda's mother was a bitch but had she been popular everyone would have known and been commenting about it. Probably also rushing to give fake comfort while searching for more details.

"Hey girl, never got a chance to tell you but your band rocked New Year's Eve." Skills piped up from the backseat. "Thought I was catching a real concert."

"Thanks." Ripley put her hair into a ponytail. "We had a lot of fun."

Peyton turned in her seat. "He's right. Everyone wanted to know where I had found you guys. If I had my own record label I'd totally sign you."

Ripley smiled. "Eric and Jeremy would be happy to hear that. They have their hearts set on being major rock stars one day."

Nathan peeped around the chairs. "Is that what you want too?"

She shrugged. "Not really. I mean I wouldn't hate it if it happened but music for me is more about expressing myself. I just enjoy doing it."

He grinned. "I can relate."

_I'll bet_.

Lucas nudged her shoulder. "How's Glenda?"

Ripley held in her giggles. Her favorite pastime was teasing her best friend about her new little crush on Lucas Scott. "She's good. Ready for school to be over so that she can get the hell outta town though."

Lucas' expression turned to one of understanding. "She mentioned something like that on prom night. I hope she finds what she is looking for."

_Me too_. "I think she will." A beat. "So where are we going again?"

Haley spoke up. "Honey Grove, Texas. It's going to be a long drive but I brought snacks if you get hungry."

Ripley couldn't help but wonder how Haley felt about her coming along. True they didn't have any animosity towards each other but, she wasn't Rachel's biggest fan by any means. They were like enemies really. Was it strange that the ex-girlfriend of your enemy was now tagging along with an SUV filled with your closest friends?

_I feel so out of place among this group_. "Snacks sound good. It's something my mom would do. Actually she'd bring a hidden bag to keep from my dad because he'd end up eating the first all by himself."

"Haley is _so_ the group mom and not just because she's preggers." Brooke said in a sing song voice. "She's always been that way."

"Speaking of the past…"Nathan yanked several old yearbooks out of his bag. "Let's all take a walk down memory lane!"

As they started to read the signed passages of freshman year, Ripley stared out the window and attempted to work out what she was going to say to Rachel when she saw her again. After hello of course. It all depended on how Rachel reacted to her presence. She was wishing for the best but preparing for the worst. Rachel used words to deflect the pain from herself and she often didn't care who she hurt in the process. Sometimes bringing others down to your level was the only way to cope. With all Rachel had been through, Ripley got it but it that didn't make it any less wrong.

_Things might not be that bad. Maybe being away from everything for a week has changed her mind or mellowed her out._

_Or maybe shacking up with Mouth has made her discover he's her one true love after all. God how the hell did I get jealous of Mouth_?

Scowling she tuned back into the conversation just in time to hear Jimmy Edward's name mentioned. It brought a somber mood over the car for a few seconds, as if they were all having a moment of silence for him.

Haley broke it. "How about we just try and let go of all the pain on this trip, and really focus on the good things in our life Okay? Who's with me?"

Everyone agreed—except Lucas who was deep in thought—and Ripley wondered if that were possible. It sounded like a pretty dream that no one could really attain. Still it was better than worrying about things they couldn't change.

* * *

><p>Ripley wasn't sure how long they'd been on the road by the time she dozed off but she figured someone would wake her for her turn to drive. She was dreaming about nothing important when a loud beeping noise slowly made her (and everyone else) wake up. Groaning, she dug sleep out of her eyes and listened as they others asked what was wrong. Brooke was behind the wheel but had no clue except for the orange light on the dash board. The SUV started to sputter and squeal before she was forced to pull over on the side of the long dark road.<p>

"I think I made a bad call not saying anything before." She whispered.

_This is how horror movies start_.

Lucas yawned and climbed out. "Pop the hood and I'll take a look." Brooke did and he peered under, fanning away white smoke. "Huh."

Haley rubbed her big tummy. "What's wrong? Please tell me it's something easy that can be fixed with—I don't know—a stick."

Lucas looked at all of the devices and checked the battery before simply staring forlornly with his chin in his palm. "I don't know. It's all electronic. I can't figure it out." He slammed the hood back down. "Sorry. But I do know we should've stuck to the interstate and not taken the back roads just so Haley could see the sandwich shaped like Elvis."

"Hey!" Haley shouted.

Peyton smirked. "Okay hold on a second. I, too, wanted to see the sandwich shaped like Elvis. I'm pretty sure we all did, right?"

Ripley pulled her sleeves down over her knuckles. Actually she hadn't really cared to see the sandwich because she wasn't an Elvis fan. Not to mention it hadn't looked that much like him anyway. Though she did wonder how they kept it from getting all gross and moldy since it wasn't like, brand new.

Anyway after they were done bickering about it and Lucas pointed out that they hadn't see a car in a long time, bright headlights bathed them all in a white glow as a big tour bus rolled closer. Peyton wanted the Foo Fighters, Skills wanted Kanye but when the bus stopped and the door opened, a lanky guy in a sequined blue shirt swaggered out.

He took one look at the group and let out a _well_, _well_.

"Stupid Elvis sandwich." Haley growled. That of course didn't stop them from piling onto the bus for a ride.

Brooke, Peyton and Haley all sat down on the purplish couch and huddled up together while the guys called someone about the car. Ripley found out their gracious host was called Chris Keller. She vaguely remembered some drama between him and Nathan from years ago when Haley was off making records. It had been the talk of Tree Hill High.

"Let's see here." Chris grinned widely. "Slept with you." Brooke. "Kissed you." Haley. "Got slapped by you." Peyton. "Just like any other night on Chris Keller's tour bus. You however, you Chris Keller doesn't know."

Ripley arched a brow. "Ripley."

He appeared amused. "Sexy accent. What say you and Chris Keller get to know each other a little better? Maybe in private…in the back room."

_He talks about himself in third person. Have I stumbled into an eighties movie_? "I'm gay."

He blinked. "Well hey now Chris Keller don't judge. He's very flexible."

She snorted. "I'm not. Thanks anyway."

"So, they can tow the car to Honey Grove, but we're on our own." Lucas explained.

"Honey Grove? We're rolling right through there. You guys should just crash with me. Come on, it'll be like cold times." Chris was a bit excited. "You know, without Nate trying to kill me for sensing duets with Haley."

Skills lifted his hand. "Hey, I'm down for all that. Yo, you got some gin in this joint?"

"Full bar in back."

"I'm loving Chris Keller."

"Look I got plenty of room; I'm going your way. Haley can sleep in my bed." Chris' brows narrowed as he looked at her. "Although, you're looking a little plump, Hales. What the hell, I've had bigger chunk in my bunk."

Haley, with tears in her eyes, informed him that she was pregnant and he immediately said it wasn't his. Ripley could tell the others weren't too fond of him but she was heavily entertained by his antics. Of course she didn't have history with him so that was why. In the right setting she could tell how annoying he could be. Luckily she didn't have to spend enough time with him to the point where she started hating him. Hopefully.

The next couple of hours were spent with idle chit chat and everyone but the driver eventually trying to get a little sleep. By the time they reached Honey Grove it was morning. The town itself was small—smaller than Tree Hill—with that quiet quaint feel to it. There were no loud noises or busy people going about their day, just a slow lazy ambiance that said these people knew how to relax. The teenagers probably hated it but it looked like a nice place to retire to if you wanted some peace.

Chris' tour bus pulled up right in front of the Honey Grove Police station and after a tiny tiff on how to find Mouth, Chris jogged over to ask the first officer they saw. Surprisingly he knew who Mouth was and escorted them inside where the man himself was in behind bars. How someone like _Mouth_ had managed to land himself in jail had to be a great story Ripley hoped she got to hear. But it made her wonder where Rachel was. Clearly she wasn't also in the slammer; it was all men.

_If she isn't here I'm gonna be so…what? Mad? Disappointed? Relieved_?

After Mouth had said his goodbye to his new friends and hustled them outside, she bit the bullet and asked. "Is Rachel still here?"

Mouth noticed her for the first time. "Ripley. Wow um—yeah she's here. We uh, she got a motel room after I got thrown behind bars for sleeping on a park bench. Real rebel huh?" Pause. "Her parents sorta cut her off for a while so she couldn't bail me out. That's why I needed help. She'll be glad to see you."

_We'll see I guess_.

Chris looked confused. "Wait, _what_? You and Rachel? Are you freaking kidding Chris Keller right now? Oh girl you are the _king_. Please, teach me your ways!"

Ripley chuckled softly. "Maybe later if we have time." A beat. "I suppose I should go see her then."

* * *

><p>Evidently her parents wanted her to starve; at least that is how Rachel saw things. Why else would they cut her off, giving her only what she needed to <em>get by<em> until she came to her senses? And who got to say when she was being sensible anyway? Perhaps taking off with Mouth hadn't been the best decision but she'd been fueled by a need to just get the hell outta Tree Hill. She didn't regret it—Mouth was a fun guy. Being with him was easier than listening to her parents say how disappointed they were once again that she'd gotten kicked outta school. Before ya know, they went back to ignoring her completely.

Anyway now she was running on just enough cash for food and stuff. If the motel hadn't been so cheap she would have had to sleep in their rental car. Still what was she going to do? Mouth was in freaking jail and she couldn't bail him out. Granted it probably wasn't an _Oz_ type of situation and he wasn't in any danger, but she couldn't just leave without him. Well she could but he deserved better than that. He'd put up with her whining about her past mistakes without so much as an eye roll. And in turn she listened as he lamented the loss of Shelly.

_What a sad pair we make_.

More than once she'd stared at her cell phone and thought about calling Ripley only to chicken out. What did you say to someone whose heart you'd broken? Sorry didn't seem like a big enough word. Also if she were being honest she knew she didn't deserve someone like Ripley. She deserved someone like Cooper who only wanted her for her body and would most likely end up with someone like that. After popping the baby out of course.

In the week since leaving behind the best place she'd called home—crap notwithstanding—her stomach had popped out of nowhere. It was like being flat-chested and suddenly waking up one morning with boobs. She looked like she'd ate too much and now had a little food baby in there. It was kinda cute but weird. It just reinforced that there was an _actual_ human being inside of her. She couldn't hide or pretend anymore.

_Mom would flip out if she could see me right now. Gonna have to jump in front of that train sooner or later_. _Maybe if I tell her sooner she'll give my money back_.

Flipping through a magazine, she glanced to the door as someone knocked. Climbing off the bed, she strolled over and opened it, not sure who she was expecting. It sure as hell wasn't Ripley Sinclair. "Ripley? Wh—what are you doing here?"

With her long blonde hair hanging freely and a slight pink tinge to her lips, she looked amazing. But then she'd always tended to look good. "Hey."

Rachel knew her eyes were the size of quarters but she couldn't help it. "I. How did you get here? How did you know I was here?"

Ripley thumbed behind her. "Mouth texted everyone that he needed help and Brooke told me I should ride with them. She said you'd want me here."

_I do. I do. I do_. "I'm glad you let her rope you into it. Come in." Stepping side, she let her in and then closed the door. "Um, how have you been?"

Ripley shoved her hands into her pockets. "Not bad. You? Mouth said you're cut off?"

Rachel made a face. "Yeah just for a little while. My parents do it every so often to _teach me a lesson_. It's because I didn't go straight there."

The blonde nodded. "I see."

_This is awkward as hell and I couldn't be happier_. "I'm surprised you're here. I know you're not my biggest fan right now."

Pretty blue eyes met hers. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You look okay."

The redhead smoothed down her tiny t-shirt. "I'm showing."

"I can see that."

"You wanna touch it?"

Ripley debated with herself for a moment before slowly pressing her warm palm against Rachel's small tummy. "Cute. How far long are you?"

It was bad to say but Rachel wasn't sure. "Four months, maybe? Still haven't gotten around to seeing a doctor." A beat. "You know you're the first person I've let touch it." _Why does this sound so dirty_?

Moving over to the bed, Ripley sat down. "I'm sure Mouth beat me to it."

There was a _tone_ in Ripley's voice and although it wasn't a happy once, Rachel was glad to hear it. "Nope. Besides it's not like that with him and I. He's just a good friend."

Ripley cracked her knuckles. "That you left town with."

_Jealousy?_ "Just because he agreed to go with me. Ripley…" She sighed and slowly sat down beside her. "I haven't let anyone touch me in a sexual way since the night I got pregnant. Well actually since you. And if you think I could get over you in a _week_ to sleep with Mouth? Well you're wrong. You're also all I've thought about."

Silence…and then, "I'm glad you're okay."

It was better than nothing. "So, where are the others?"

Ripley snickered. "Well the SUV is fucked until tomorrow so they're gonna crash the Honey Grove prom tonight for something to do."

_Prom. I really wanted to go to prom_. "We should go. I mean I never got to go to prom and you can't leave yet. It'll be how I _thought_ things were going to go in Tree Hill. Not exactly of course…"

Ripley wet her lips. "I guess we could do that. Better than sitting in a motel room." Running a hand through her hair, she motioned to the door. "There is a thrift store where the others are getting outfits. We can swing by if you want."

_Yes I really want_. "Let's go."

Rachel realized it was dangerous to get carried away but she was just so ecstatic to see Ripley again. To know that she'd came all this way for her, just to make sure she was okay. No one had _ever_ cared enough to be that involved in her life. But that was the problem with Ripley. She was just too goddamn good, and Rachel didn't think she could let her go again if it came to that. The first time had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do.

Now? Being in her golden orbit again? She wanted to wrap it around herself and never come up for air. _It's so selfish, isn't it? Nothing has changed. I will ruin her life. And I care but…_

Grabbing her jacket, she slipped it on and followed Ripley out of the room.

* * *

><p>Crashing the Honey Grove prom went off without a hitch after a few of the real students promised not to tell. It was odd seeing everyone again and wonderful to see Brooke again. The secret of her pregnancy was finally let out of the bag and she couldn't be sure, but Rachel had a feeling Haley scoffed about it. She was just jealous that her head was still bigger than the rest of her. Anyway after being hit on by Chris Keller she'd managed to get Ripley to dance with her. It was a small stupid thing but she'd liked it. Especially the slow dancing.<p>

Later when most people had wandered away to do whatever it was they were going to do, Ripley offered to walk Rachel back to her room. (Mouth offered to stay elsewhere because he was awesome) It was a calm starry night and on anyone else the dress would have been hideous, but Ripley looked so hot in the silver wrap around. Perhaps it was the heels.

Adjusting her gold shawl, Rachel exhaled. "As far as proms go, tonight was pretty cool. I would have liked a better dress though."

Ripley chuckled. "I dunno I think you wear it well."

Rachel grinned, picking at one of her gold sequins. "Thank you." She bit her lip. "You know my parents will probably be pissed but I wanna go back with you guys to Tree Hill. The house is still in my family's name and I'll have enough money for food. Once I tell them I'm knocked up they _should_ restore all my credit cards."

Ripley murmured. "Why? You said a lot of things about needing to be away from Tree Hill when you left. What's changed?"

_Me_, _maybe_. "Everything and nothing." Huffing, she shook her head. "I left Tree Hill because I was expelled and because my parents actually wanted to spend time with me. They're dicks but I still want them to love me. I'm pregnant and I'm scared, and I stupidly thought once my mom found out we'd bond or something."

Ripley didn't reply so she continued. "I know you wanted to help me and I _wanted_ your help but I felt like it would be taking advantage of you. You've already been there for me through some hard shit and you've only seventeen. Why should I put more on you? Because you're sweet enough to wanna help? I—I've never cared about a damn thing before so it didn't matter how I treated people. You're different."

"Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Opening up is not really my strong suit."

"Then why should I believe you now?"

"Because I'm laying it all out on the line. I've never been in love before but I know how I feel about you. Leaving Tree Hill didn't change that."

"Rachel…" Ripley frowned. "I don't know if it's that easy. I can't just forget what you did. What if you do it again? What if your fear gets the best of you? I'm just…I'm tired of being left behind."

"I understand." Rachel whispered. "I've pulled this crap like twice before but I swear I'm sincere. I don't deserve another chance and you shouldn't give me one, but I'm asking for once all the same. You don't have to make a decision now though. Like I said I'm coming back to Tree Hill so we have time. I'll even ride in the trunk if Haley doesn't want me inside."

Ripley laughed. "I don't think she'd do that to another pregnant woman. Your fetus sisters."

Rachel snickered. "Ew. I hardly think she sees us that way. If anyone thinks I'm not fit to be a mother…"

Ripley shrugged. "Who cares what she thinks? It's what you think that matters."

Rachel smiled softly. "I think. I think I'm lucky you gave me a ride home that day."


	16. I Can Learn to Forgive, It's Just Hard

**A/N:** I am SO SO sorry for the lapse in updates but I got blocked as hell on this chapter. Even now it's not as long as I want it to be/usually make mine but I thought updating and getting it out there would help get me back into the swing of things. Especially now that my challenge fic is done. To those still with me thank you so much for your support! The next update will hopefully be sooner!

Chapter Sixteen: I Can Learn To Forgive, It's Just Hard to Forget

"_Do you think people can change, Brooke? I mean, truly change?"_

_"Well, I'd like to say yes, but honestly, I don't really think people can change. You know, at the end of the day, you are who you are, and it's probably who you've always been."_

_"But what if who you've been is pretty horrible?"_

Rachel was committed to being a different person now that she was back in Tree Hill and attempting to win Ripley back. The only problem was she wasn't sure how she should change, not really anyway. Her main issues were always thinking she was better than everyone else and sleeping around. So far she'd kicked the latter habit for months now—successfully—and she honestly didn't miss it. Though that was probably more because of Ripley but hey, whatever worked right? And it wasn't like she wasn't enjoying her new, panties on lifestyle. Some people would always think of her as _friendly_ but others had already forgotten what she used to be like.

_Now if only_ I _could forget_.

She hadn't told her parents yet about the baby and the more she put it off, the more she started to think it was a good idea. They wouldn't be anything but disappointed; they didn't have it in them to actually care about having a grandchild. Her mother would probably be very angry that she was being made a grandmother at her _young_ age. However if it got her back unlimited access to her bank accounts she'd deal. She couldn't exist on enough for just food and stuff.

But first on her agenda was somehow getting Ripley back in a girlfriend capacity and so far she had no idea how she was going to do that. She'd never had to _work _to get anyone before or anything before so it was going to be a real adjustment. Perhaps she should ask Brooke about it or if begging was involved. It seemed pathetic but she was willing to do it if it worked. Then again Mouth might be the best one to talk to considering his track record with the opposite sex.

Either way she knew she needed some type of advice and at this point she was willing to read a magazine if it helped. Also…okay there was a small chance she was buddying up to Ripley's mother to get extra pointers. But it wasn't like she had school since she was still expelled and being home alone all day in her big empty house was just depressing. So that is how she found herself at Tabitha's bakery, putting pretty paper dollies under cookies and other sugary treats.

People had been coming in all day talking about the point shaving scandal and Rachel managed to feel sorry for Nathan. She knew it wasn't about glory or money or whatever people were saying, but about supporting his family. And it wasn't like she could throw stones, not with the shit she'd pulled in the past. Hopefully everything would work out for him and he would still be allowed to attend a nice college.

Sighing, she wiped her hands on her pink apron and pretended not to notice the two girls standing over by the window eating cupcakes and sneaking looks at her. School was in that stage where seniors had basically nothing to do so they didn't exactly have to show up and some didn't. She had seen a few walking down the street getting in some last minute shopping. It was sad but she _might_ have hid when familiar faces got too close. However when they came inside it wasn't like she could drop everything and run. She was supposed to be responsible now.

_I'm sure what they are saying is nothing worse than I've heard before_.

Rachel knew she could change herself but changing the perceptions of others would be a lot harder. She had always cared what other people thought and tried to shift accordingly to live up to their expectations. And that was a lot easier than honestly getting them to see the real her. Not that she really wanted anyone to know her deep, dark secrets. She pretended to be untouchable for a reason and now wanting to be more mellow just reminded her of _why_ that would always be a bad idea. She was way too fragile to be anything but fake.

One thing she did have over them—at least she figured she did—was the fact that she was gorgeous even now. It was easy to wear a flowy top to hide her little stomach and tight jeans that showed off her amazing ass. To do her makeup and make sure her hair looked perfect. Appearing as if she had not a care in the world would hopefully dissuade some from looking too deep under the _got expelled from school_ surface. Not that she really cared about that detail, not as much as she probably should have. Getting kicked out of Tree Hill High was nothing special and it wasn't like she couldn't eventually get her GED or something later if she wanted.

"Everything okay?" Tabitha smiled as she made her way out of the kitchen, bringing whiffs of cinnamon and apple with her.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah everything is cool. I wanna thank you again for letting me hang out here."

Tabitha waved a hand. "Not like it's some sort of chore, honey. Honestly I'm thankful for the company what with my usual staff wanting to do pre graduation things. I was all prepared to be here at six am baking and setting up."

Rachel liked Tabitha; she had never met a mom like her that wasn't on tv. She wasn't exactly the normal type but she was sweet and that really counted for something. _I could be half way adjusted if my mom had been like her_. "Well still, thanks." She nibbled on her bottom lip as the two girls from before finally left. "Mrs. Sinclair I—I know the last thing I should be doing is talking to you about Ripley because you're her mother but I…kinda wanna talk about Ripley."

Chuckling softly, Tabitha checked the display and wrote what other things she needed to make on at tiny scrap of paper. "First there is no need to call me Mrs. Sinclair, Tabitha is fine. Second if you wanna talk about my lovely daughter then that's fine too. Though fair warning I am biased when it comes to how wonderful she is."

_So am I_. "She is really great and I'm an idiot for leaving the way I did. But I'm committed to us this time I really am. Well if there is an us…not too clear on that. I want there to be an us."

Tucking strands of blonde hair behind her ear, Tabitha hummed. "Ripley can hold a grudge like nobody's business and she often does. I don't know who she got that from but I think it has something to do with not wanting to put herself out there anymore than she has to." She smiled thoughtfully. "But I _do_ know she's given you more chances than most."

It should make her feel good and it did but there was also a bit of guilt there. "Not sure I'm worth any of them."

Tabitha hummed. "Ripley would disagree." Since the store was empty for the time being, she gestured to a table and sat down. "I don't pay much attention to gossip but I hear things, and I realize no matter what other people think about you it's what you think about yourself that always shines through. However for what it's worth I think listening to the opinions of those that honestly care about you can help."

Wetting her lips, Rachel slowly lowered herself into a vacant chair. "I've only had three people give a crap about me and at one point or another I managed to break them. I was a jerk to Mouth and I did horrible things to Brooke. And I said horrible things to Ripley."

"You were scared. People say things they don't mean when they are stressed out."

"That's not excuse though. She was willing to help me and I threw that back into her face by running away."

"Rachel, you're a teenager and you're in what could be seen as an impossible situation. There is _nothing_ wrong with wanting your parents to swoop in and make it right. It's what parents are supposed to do." Tabitha reached over and squeezed her hand. "Ripley is mad sure but she understands that aspect of it, trust me. For as grown up as she is she still whines for me when she's sick."

Laughing a little, Rachel could feel her eyes tearing up. "Yeah but my—my mom was never the chicken noodle soup type and I know that. I've _always_ known it so it was stupid of me to think I could run to them for anything but cash." She frowned. "They'd throw money at the problem because that is all they know how to do. And it's all I know how to except."

Tabitha tilted her head to the side. "Yet here you are without your parents. So, what do _you_ want sweetheart? If you could snap your fingers and have it, what would that something be?"

_Whoa that is such a weighted question_ _and I'm almost scared to get really into it_. Because there wasn't one simple thing that Rachel wanted. Not like when people prayed for more money or bigger boobs because she'd snapped her fingers and actively ended up with those. Other things, well, they were so far out of reach they might as well be on Mars. There was no way to get her parents to love her like she wanted to be loved. No way to go back in time and not go home with the guy that ended up getting her pregnant. No way to not forget returning the Calculus exams.

Wishing was stupid like that and served no purpose but she couldn't bring herself to say that to Ripley's mom. "I don't know. I want to be happy."

Tabitha's expression was gentle. "And what would make you happy?"

Rachel picked at her nails. "I'd really like to have a healthy baby I guess. I mean of course. My body hasn't exactly been my temple and I still haven't gotten checked out by a real doctor since I went for an abortion. So a healthy kid and Ripley's forgiveness are at the top of the list."

Ripley's mother hummed. "I can help you with the healthy baby part. You don't have to do through any of this alone."

For someone that spent most of their life alone in one way or another Rachel couldn't help but be touched. There was a niggling bit of pride in the pit of her stomach telling her to snap back that she didn't _need_ help or that she was better off doing things by herself, but she pushed it away the best she could. She realized if she was going to let any adult be there for her she wanted it to be the Sinclairs. She wanted to be yanked into their circle of warmth and sheltered like Meadow and Ripley were. Perhaps it was selfish but she was nothing if not predictable in that way.

Exhaling deeply, she huffed. "Okay. I'd really appreciate it."

The bell over the front door jingled as two ladies close to Tabitha's age made their way into the shop. Tabitha patted her shoulder as she stood. "Oh and don't give up on Ripley just yet. I don't think you guys are finished with each other." Winking, she strolled over to talk to them and take their orders.

Rachel snickered to herself. _She could be right you know. Besides when do you give up so easily on something you really want?_

Okay so the little voice had a point.

* * *

><p>Sitting at a table in the open courtyard, Ripley tapped her fingers against the stars on the side of her neck. She felt oddly exhausted even though she hadn't exactly done anything except show up to school and get her yearbook. And…Rachel's yearbook but that was beside the point. Classes were basically over for the seniors and showing up was just something done to have a bit more time with friends. It was the only reason she was bothering to go.<p>

There was a certain _what am I gotta do after high school_ feeling in the air that you could see on everyone's faces. It was exciting and also terrifying because soon they were going to be shot out into the real world, where you had to pay bills and worry about a mortgage. Well eventually after you spending several years drunk off your ass in college. Most people couldn't wait to get out of their parents' house while all she was looking forward to was sleeping in every day from now on.

The sounds of people laughing and chattering about old photos made her smile before she remembered the current problem she was trying to solve. Mainly whether or not she should give Rachel another chance. She honestly wasn't sure what she wanted to do. Yeah she missed her and all of the fun they'd had together, but was it enough? It didn't cancel out the shitty things Rachel had done to her, though—and she hated this—she understood some of it. At least she got why she had left to be with her parents. But the being a bitch for bitch sake was different.

Would giving in somehow pass along some sort of message that Rachel's behavior had been okay?

Was there a real future there for them?

Groaning, she swung around so that she could recline back onto the bench with her head resting at an awkward angle on the top. She stared at the sky, her brows knitting together when a shadow blocked out the sun on her face. "Boo I'm trying to tan here."

Glenda chuckled and plopped down beside her. "Sure you are. What are you really doing?"

Ripley shrugged. "If I tell you, you might slap me in the face."

Her friend snorted. "Ah so you're thinking about Rachel. _Why_ are you thinking about Rachel?"

_Good question_. "She wants to get back together. And I don't know if I want it or not."

Glenda glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "Well my unsolicited advice is that you shouldn't get back with her. She's been more trouble than she's worth and I think you were happier without her. But then again I don't like her so…"

Ripley managed a smile. "I just wonder if I'm thinking too deep in all of this. School will be over soon and who knows what'll happen in the months to come." _Besides the whole baby thing_. "I mean okay so she came back to Tree Hill for me and we had a nice time in Honey Grove but…I don't know."

Glenda's nose scrunched up. "Remember how we would always hear about the popular kids and all of their drama? We weren't friends with Lucas and the others but we knew all of their business?" A beat. "Now Lucas and Peyton are together and Nathan and Haley are married. It k_ills_ me to say this but high school isn't always the end of a relationship. Sometimes it's the beginning if it's really meant to be."

"Wow. That almost sounded like a vote in Rachel's favor." Ripley teased lightly.

"No. No way. It's a vote in your favor and your happiness' favor. I—you were cool before you and her hooked up but she made you happy too." The redhead said slowly. "I lied. I don't think you were necessarily happier without her. She's a mess, Ripley, but not when she's with you. Though it's not your job to mellow her out."

It was weird to hear Glenda of all people being nice when it came to Rachel, but Ripley understood. Glenda was the type of person who put her friends first even if it meant going against her own inner thoughts to do so. "So you think I should give her another chance?"

Glenda pulled at her sleeves. "I think you should just ask yourself what you want. You've never been shy when it comes to going after that sort of thing, and you weren't shy about getting with her in the first place. _If_ and that is a big if but if she is committed to not be a hoe bag then maybe there is a chance the third time is a charm. And as fucked up as it sounds I kinda wish someone was pursuing me or had me in knots over them like you are right now."

Smiling warmly, Ripley reached over and pulled her into a big hug. "I'd chase you, Glen. Anywhere and everywhere."

Sniffling, Glenda dabbed at her eyes so that her makeup didn't run. "If only you were a hot guy."

They both laughed and Ripley poked her. "Maybe in another life."

Before Glenda could reply Toby, Eric and Jeremy strolled over and the conversation was shelved for another time. Ripley listened to them lament their fading high school days but she only paid half attention to them. She couldn't stop thinking about Rachel and how—to be honest—their relationship felt like it was still unfinished. Like it was in limbo or something; barely even started. And really it had to mean something that she dragged her ass all the way to Texas to make sure she was okay.

_I think we need to have an honest conversation about where things could go and what went wrong_.

By the time it was time to go their next class; Ripley had already made up her mind to go see Rachel after school. And _not_ just because she needed to give her the yearbook.


End file.
